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Should I leave

Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 11:23 am
by Bel2009
Hi just wanted to know if there is anyone else out there supporting a spouse with a gambling addiction ? I feel quite alone and have for 7 years now, and never met or spoken to someone who was in my situation. Would love to chat :)

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2018 6:34 pm
by tennisstar (facilitator)
Dear Bel2009,

tennisstar here, one of the forum moderators. Thank-you for reaching out today, I appreciate that's not always easy to do. It's understandable and not uncommon to feel alone given your situation, and it sounds like you've been supporting your spouse for quite sometime. May I ask how this period has been for you, and what kind of support you have? I get a sense that because you haven't spoken to someone who has supported a loved one with a gambling addiction, it's contributed to your feelings of being alone and isolated, is that right? If you would like support, you can ring Gambler's Helpline anytime on 1800 858 858. They're staffed by professional gambling counsellors 24/7 and can link you in with free face-to-face counselling, in addition to providing information on support groups for people going through similar situations as yourself. Well done on posting today, and I wish you all the best.

Kind regards,

Christian

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Mon May 06, 2019 7:55 pm
by Peach
I am in your situation too. From reading the forum it seems we are a dime a dozen. I feel so deflated and disheartened reading all these partner’s feeling the same desperation, anger, resentment and confusion as me, while my husband is busy avoiding the problem.
I know you posted quite a few months back. But feel free to message me if you want to reach out.

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Thu May 09, 2019 8:21 pm
by liont
Bel2009, I do understand how you feel. Unfortunately for me my marriage ended year ago and I can remember the anxiety and agony of dealing with my husbands gambling addiction.

I began to reach out for help and for the past year I have had access to free unlimited counselling with Mission Australia. It has been so beneficial for my mental health and I encourage you to reach out and get help where you can. Don't carry this load on your own. Good for you to find this forum, it's a start to your own self care xxx

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Wed May 22, 2019 12:56 am
by Chunkyquitter
I have to break it to my wife that I had a 6 month binge. Causing lots of damage I have been able to stop for the last 25 days or so but I haven’t told her yet.

Any tips on what partners want to hear? How can I break it to her and steal keep my marriage in tact. Without gambling I have been a much better husband and father. The stress and anxiety as well as wasting time has my me much more attentive in my families life. I do r want to lose my family. I’ve hit my lowest point ever with gambling and am happy not to have control of the money moving forward

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Wed May 22, 2019 1:10 pm
by Mish_27
Hi Chunkyquitter,
I am one of the forum moderators. Congratulations on going 25 days without gambling! From reading one of your earlier posts, it sounds as if you have been thinking about talking to your partner for a few weeks. It can be so difficult to take that step of talking to loved ones ...
Hopefully some of our members can give some support around such a stressful time.

Thanks for reaching out

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Thu May 23, 2019 9:02 pm
by Peach
Hi chunkyquitter.
What I want to hear from my husband is the truth, and I want to hear it from him before someone comes knocking on our door asking for their money. I want honesty and vulnerability and I want him to be open to exploring the emotional trauma that may or may not exist beneath his gambling. Above all I want him to be emotionally expressive about how gambling is impacting him and communicative to me every step of the way about relapses and debt. I want all of this to happen before he buries our marriage into the ground and damages our children’s future.

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Mon May 27, 2019 2:15 am
by Chunkyquitter
I hear that. My biggest fear is saying the amount in dollars. Not expressing the full amount and hoping I can somehow make some back.

I understand that my wife will just want the truth and no more lies. I’m considering ore booking a marriage councilling session so that we repair or salvage anything before her hatred becomes too much

I am actually an excellent partner and parent again now I’ve stopped punting, my focus, mood and everything is so much more balanced except my sleep and stress level I’ve the debt is horrible. I have worked so much night shift and extra overtime that I’m exhausted, I also have to be careful not to reinsure myself prior to surgery

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2019 10:08 pm
by Peach
Chunkyquitter, my partner’s similar, always tells me portions of the debt and never exact figures. In my mind, if you’re not bring totally honest about the debt, you’re digging a bigger hole for yourself and your family. The more I know, the more I feel like we can work through it together and the more I feel trusted and respected as a partner.
I also think hiding some amounts gives you more of a reason to punt in an effort to win back hidden debt, and so the cycle continues. Be honest, trust that your partner can handle it.

Re: Should I leave

Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2019 11:02 pm
by WorriedMum
Chunkyquitter, I agree with others, tell the whole truth. My son admitted to his partner and I that he was in debt and gambling almost 18 months ago but not the full extent. Last weekend he told me he had relapsed and was in debt again...partly blaming that he hadn’t told us the true amount the first time and he has still been chasing losses. So it seems that all this time we thought he had been going ok he has in fact been gambling, and recently stooped to some low behaviour to get money so his partner wouldn’t know (she took over managing all his finances). I can’t adequately explain how much it hurts that he has gone back on all the promises he made to us and continued lying, and to find out he hadn’t been completely honest when he said he was telling us everything. It is so difficult to regain trust - I hate to have to say I no longer can believe anything my son tells me. Good luck to you and your continued abstinence.