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  • Recent discovery of partner's pokie addiction

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    User avatar
    POPEYE
    Senior Member
    Posts: 664
    Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:28 pm

    RE: Recent discovery of partner's pokie addiction

    Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:47 am

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    Linda2
    Senior Member
    Posts: 153
    Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:53 pm

    RE: Recent discovery of partner's pokie addiction

    Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:47 pm

    Hi Caiti

    For me it is not the same, believe it or not I work as a casual at the TAB on racing season weekends.

    I do not have the same addiction to gambling on horse racing as I do at the Casino. I would no more put a bet on over $10 than fly to the moon, but think nothing of blowing $1,000 on a poker machine.

    Why the difference I have know flippin idea! Maybe because I find it boring.

    So as for asking him to stop no, I wouldn't you need to trust him & by taking that away when he had stated it is only casual would be mean.

    And as he is in it with mates he will not over indulge as they would make a comment & if he doesn't want his family to no, he won't want his friends to no more

    So take care you are doing a wonderful job!

    Good luck - Linda2
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    User avatar
    Angelina.
    Senior Member
    Posts: 326
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 12:43 pm

    RE: Recent discovery of partner's pokie addiction

    Sat Aug 03, 2013 1:26 am

    Hi Linda,

    Isn't that interesting how there are different types of gambling 'addictions'. I find that there are some patterns in the types of people that are drawn to different forms of gambling.

    Here are some links that you may find interesting:

    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 083345.htm (over-pathologising article, but highlights groups/patterns of psychological 'dysfunction' across 4 gambling types)

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19949242 (Types of pathological gamblers- research study abstract)

    http://www.problemgambling.ca/EN/Resour ... bling.aspx (conceptual models of problem gambling- for the keen reader!!! )

    Am very interested to hear any thoughts/comments. Enjoy

    Warm regards,

    Angelina
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    Nicole1
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2013 12:03 pm

    RE: Recent discovery of partner's pokie addiction

    Tue Aug 06, 2013 12:38 pm

    Hi Caiti,

    Wow I can't believe how you remind myself of me years ago!

    My husband told me 3 months into our relationship he had gambling issues so I started taking care of his accounts, took his ATM card & gave him cash as he needed it. He convinced me he had got over it & took back his finances, we then got engaged & bought a house & had another relapse but this time we only had joint accounts so I couldn't understand why I wasn't seeing any withdrawals from the accounts, it turns out he had gone & got another account in his name & got his pay office to pay small amounts from his pay each fortnight into this account so he could gamble.
    We discussed him printing up payslips & showing me each fortnight however this never happened & he has gone back to gambling twice since then (using his pay again) and also asking friends & family for up to $1,000 at a time! We now have a 2 year old daughter & i've just discovered this morning he is transferring money once again from his pay to the same bank account. I know it's easier said than done but please think long & hard if you want to be in my situation down the track, as others have said 'once a gambler, always a gambler'

    I chose to stick with him, I'm the type of person that always likes to see the best in people & I honestly thought once he was settled he would stop (he started on pokies as he was bored when he was single) but now it's changed to horse racing, sports etc

    I plan to confront him tonight & i've read help sites that suggest not attacking them etc - I honestly don't know how i'm going to keep calm as i've got so much built up anger at the moment, he has broken my trust several times over, says he is going to get help, doesn't want to go to GA as he went years ago & didn't think it was confidential enough, has been to counsellors & again doesn't think it's worked for him. He has also now got depression & suffers anxiety attacks which I guess is a package deal as he's been gambling on & off for over 10 years. He seems to be going so well (last time it was just under a year before his lapse) it's just so disappointing.

    I just feel so frustrated as I know he will deny it tonight but this time I have proof to show him 'I know' He always uses the excuse that he has never put us into financial ruin as he always makes sure the bills are paid but it's not the point, he always makes me feel so bad when I spend any money & he worries about money all the time but yet he's wasting thousands of dollars.... I just can't seem to get my head around it.

    Anyway, good luck to you, I wish I had of joined a forum like this or sought some professional advice like this years ago (it's my first time putting my story out there & it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders just reading everyone elses stories)

    Best Wishes,
    Nicole
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    User avatar
    Noah (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 308
    Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:53 pm

    RE: Recent discovery of partner's pokie addiction

    Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:26 pm

    Hi Nicole,

    Welcome to the forum!

    I was really struck by the burden you seem to be carrying about this and how dissapointed and angry you feel. The amount of relief that you expressed at the opportunity to share your experience made me think... does anyone else know what you're going through? Are you seeing a counsellor about this. It's a lot to carry on your own.

    How did the convo with your husband go?

    Thanks for posting and keep in touch...

    Take care

    Noah
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    Nicole1
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2013 12:03 pm

    RE: Recent discovery of partner's pokie addiction

    Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:23 pm

    Hi Noah,

    Thanks for the message. The conversation went exactly as I expected, I denied it several times & tried to put it off as him saving for a present to give to me.... that is until I showed him the evidence of his gambling that I had found, he then wasn't remorseful, just said 'it serves him right for being sloppy & not covering his tracks' He has since agreed to close the other account down & bring home payslips. I hate being the one to 'check up' on him but I don't feel i've got a choice anymore.

    I haven't been able to speak to anyone professional as such, I briefly spoke to my GP years ago when it first happened but she is so busy I can't keep going back to her & I find it hard to make time to go & see someone to talk as i'm working 3 days a week & dealing with a toddler (my husband works shift work so all the responsibility of looking after the house & toddler falls back on me) My parents do know about his history but I don't really want to keep burden them with what i'm going through (also cause i'm worried it will affect their relationship)

    Thanks again for taking the time to respond to my post :-)

    Nicole
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