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  • Newly discovered addiction after family and home loss.

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    djune
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 8:15 am

    Newly discovered addiction after family and home loss.

    Sat Aug 11, 2018 8:42 am

    Hi everyone,

    3 months ago I ended my relationship due to on going issues which I never understood and have been receiving mental health help because of how badly it effected me. I am now aware of were a gambling addiction. I did not see any of the red flags but now I could write a book on them now.

    He had been staying with a friend and I got in contact with his friend unbeknown to him to check that he was okay after he lost the plot one day and I ended up at the police station with everyone out looking for him due to suicidal thoughts and comments. I was in a big conversation with his friend about his mental health and making him aware of how severe it was when his friend asked me if I had paid him out of our house almost $50000, which is untrue so I declined and asked if I could speak on the phone with him, he said he couldn't because my ex would realise but he would organise for his girlfriend to speak on the phone and pretend it was one of her friends. Her and I began talking and I again told her it was untrue about the money, we had now owned the house long enough and I had never even had that amount of money in my life. I then started talking to her about my concerns of a gambling addiction and she confirmed all suspected thoughts. We have uncovered many lies and secretive behaviour, realising this addiction is bigger than any of us expected, I thought he was going to Wednesday night poker socially and spending $20 but am now aware that this has been costing us thousands. I have tried to bring the issue up with him but not push too much because he is mentally unstable but he has asked me to go to the doctors with him which I will attend but he is also so focused on having his family back he can get into extremely large personality changes/snaps which I believe is due to his gambling creating the issues that caused us to break up in the first place..

    My head is just so lost right now, I can't believe I didn't see all the warning signs and I honestly don't know how it even got to this magnitude. I can't tell him we can work things out right now because I really don't know if we can, I had fully believed that he just didn't want to be with me and had began moving my life forward for our daughter and myself as well as allowing myself male company searching for the affection that he was unable to give me during our relationship together and now feel like I am going through a second “loss” of our relationship. I don't know why he didn't speak up, his lost his family and home but I could have so easily offered to help him if he had of spoken up and now I just feel like it's one much bigger mess than that.
    0 x
    tennisstar (facilitator)
    Junior Member
    Posts: 24
    Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:19 am

    Re: Newly discovered addiction after family and home loss.

    Sun Aug 12, 2018 11:09 am

    Dear djune,

    Thank-you for your post. I'm tennisstar, one of the senior forum moderators. I'm very sorry for the way things have turned out, it sounds like this is a really hard time for you. I'm glad to hear that you're seeking support for your mental health, as these situations can be emotionally taxing and often people are left feeling very wounded. As such, it's important to have as much support around you as possible. How would you characterise the strength of your relationships with your family and friends? It's very common to overlook the warning signs of someone with a gambling problem, so please try and be kind to yourself. From what you're saying, a lot of lies and secrets have been uncovered and the depth of the problem is much bigger than what you previously anticipated. It can be very overwhelming first discovering the severity of the gambling problem, and I can understand how hard that must have been for you. We often find people who have a gambling issue keep their gambling concealed from reality and from loved ones, particularly as they feel very ashamed and embarrassed about it. The approach that you've taken about gently bringing up the issues and not being too pushy is excellent and one we usually advocate for, as nagging can be counter-productive for the person. It seems as though he is searching for support through going to his GP and inviting you to go with him, which is positive. I also get the impression that restoring the family and perhaps having strategies to better regulate his emotions is important to him (which sound like it's been attributed to the gambling, which is not uncommon), and seeing the GP is a great first step. It's understandable to feel lost at the moment. These things usually take a lot of time to heal, and it's natural to feel that you're experiencing a second loss to your relationship. What are some ways you can look after yourself? If you ever need any support, please call the Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858. They're staffed 24/7 by gambling counsellors and provide support to those affected by a gambling problem, so they would be more than willing to chat with you.

    Warmly,

    tennisstar
    0 x

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