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Tomorrow would be a week...

Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:31 pm
by DesperateWife
I had a session with my counsellor today. Thankfully I've been in counselling for a long time before I found out my husband has a gambling problem. She thinks he might be avoiding making changes and I think she might be right. He's done some things to move forward- he's closed his TAB account and deleted all betting apps from his phone. But there's a few things he's said he's going to do but hasn't done them yet - I've asked for his bank account login info for his secret accounts and he hasn't given it to me yet, he wants to wait to get professional support before telling the family and he hasn't got professional support yet. I want to be hopeful and I want to believe that he's going to change but it's really scary. He told me he hasn't gambled since I found out about his problem so, if he's telling the truth, he would be clean one week as of tomorrow. I really hope he's being honest with me. If he keeps lying to me, I don't think we can make it work. We only got married in February...

I want to be hopeful but I also need to be careful. I need him to stop.

Re: Tomorrow would be a week...

Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2018 8:38 am
by Cazza
Hi desperate. Am sorry that you are going through this. I have put my husband through the same thing.
I finally had enough and told him. I wasn't online gambling though. I had to leave the house to play the pokies.
I too have separate bank accounts to my husband and I handed over all control to him. I had no access to cash. But i was ready to change and your husband needs to show to you that he is ready too.
The problem for us gamblers is that we believe that we love gambling and so it makes it very hard for us to give it up.
We get angry when confronted with money issues. We lie to our family, we lie to ourselves.
You will see lots of changes in him if has truly given up.
We are happy in the 1st few days saying yes i can do this. Followed by jittery as the 1st payday arrives. Most of us tend to get sick in the 2nd week as our bodies are literally going through a withdrawal. Sadness in the 3rd week and happy in the 4th.
After that we all seem to cope in different ways.
I hope for you and your husbands sake he is trying to quit. It is a horrible addiction. None of us planned to lie to the person we love . Wishing you much strength 😊

Re: Tomorrow would be a week...

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:57 am
by Calvin (facilitator)
Hello DesperateWife,

I'm Calvin, one of the facilitators here on gamblers help online.
I think you will find other members experiences and insights useful to you.

Its good to hear that your husband has taken that step of deleting TAB accounts etc..
It sounds like he has not followed through with the next step of looking and receiving professional help as he said he would do.
When you next have a discussion with him you can encourage him to call the gamblers helpline on 1800 858 858 to speak with a counselor and to possibly get a referral to see a face to face gambling counsellor/financial counsellor for no cost. This could give him the chance to take the next step/

In regards to yourself, its great that you have your own counsellor supporting you because unfortunately sometimes a relationship/friendship with a gambler can become strained at times and emotionally exhausting. It is important that you stay in touch with your own self-care at this time.



Re: Tomorrow would be a week...

Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 11:35 pm
by DesperateWife
Thank you Cazza and Calvin for your responses.

It was really interesting to read your insights, Cazza, because I can see what you described in my husband. I can see the withdrawal symptoms in him. He's had problems with depression in the past and it's definitely coming back. He's having trouble sleeping and I've never seen him cry so much in such a short period of time. It pains me to see him going through this but at the same time it shows me that he's committed to dealing with this.

I'm happy to share that he called a counselling service about professional help on Friday and spoke to them further today. He's still trying to get an idea of costs and wait list times but it's certainly a step in the right direction. He's continued with providing me with his work rosters so I know he's not stopping in at the TAB on the way home and I can't see any gambling activity on his bank accounts.

I'm also happy to share that yesterday was his two week anniversary of giving up gambling. He's having trouble celebrating his anniversaries so far I think so I'm trying to hold the hope for him until he feels it himself.

It's been a very hard road a far for both of us but I can see progress which is very exciting.

Re: Tomorrow would be a week...

Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2018 6:36 am
by Cazza
Hi desperate, as you say it's hard for you watching your husband go through withdrawal but exciting at the same time. Hopefully things will start to ease back a little bit and he will start liking himself a bit more in the next couple of weeks.

There is so much guilt involved is alot of the issues to. Guilt that we do this, guilt because we miss it when we stop, guilt when we realize how financial trouble we have made, and guilt when we look at our family and what we have put them through.
I am glad he is sharing his work hours with you. It takes alot for us gamblers to account for our time, it's as important as money sometimes.
Mostly don't forget to look after you..

Recovering gamblers are selfish we want praise when we stop and continual praise when we stay stopped and it takes us a while to realize how much our partners are going through at the same time.
So much strength to you during your husbands recovery also 😊