Welcome to our online peer support community - A supportive place for anyone making change in their gambling, as well as concerned friends and family.
  • Connect, be inspired, motivate others. Share your experience & strategies.
  • Safe. Anonymous. Professionally moderated. Free of judgement.

    Before you can post or reply, join our online community today.
    Join us Tuesdays from 6pm for Chatty Tuesday.
  • My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Rainbow2018
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2018 7:58 pm

    My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:13 pm

    I've just joined and this is my first post. I'm seeking guidance and support and I've lost myself whilst trying to help my mum.
    I'm not truely sure how long the pokies addiction has gone on for her however it's been 2 years that I have known. I feel like my mother doesn't exist in this world anymore. She's a stranger I no longer know or understand. She admitted her problem to me 2 years ago. Since then I've seen her change. She can be aggressive, sad, low, distant, upbeat. Basically I don't know who she is anymore. We've had fights which we never had in the past. She can be such a negative person and complains and carries on too. I'm lost without my mum. I'm a mum myself and I try to help her and keep her busy with my but it's not enough. She always goes back. I feel drained lost and sad myself many times. I feel like I'm failing. In turn my young family suffers. For the first time ever I haven't spoken to my mum in days. We usually speak several times a day. Like hi how are you etc. I haven't called and neither has she because we returned from a holiday and she didn't come to say hi. She was at the pokies again and obviously lost. I feel I need to distance myself. I feel I need her to lose me in order to miss me. Has anyone done this? Does it get worse before it can get better? She's picked pokies over me for years so now I need to pick me over her addiction and helping her. What will happen to her? I've always been in close contact with her. I'm deeply sad.
    0 x
    Mona58
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1056
    Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 12:44 pm

    Re: My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:46 pm

    Hi Rainbow,

    l'm very sorry that you are in this situation.

    You need to look after yourself and your family first and foremost.

    Perhaps call the Gamb Helpline on 1800 858 858 and they will be able to better advice on how you can help your mum.
    0 x
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:44 am

    Hi Rainbow..it's a terrible place to be but perhaps by distancing yourself for awhile might make your mum realise what she is losing apart from money..I suggest you get counseling to see if that can help as they will be able to offer professional help.
    Try talking to your mum again and tell her how you feel.
    Gambling affects many people not just the gambler..good luck
    0 x
    Rainbow2018
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2018 7:58 pm

    Re: My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:00 pm

    I spoke to her today after 4 days of not talking, we usually talk twice a day. So 4 days is a long time. It didn't start or end well. I told her I need to look after myself first and that I've failed in tring to help her. I do feel like a failure. Anyway I told her that I'm taking care of me now as I've never done that and that she can't have the pokies and us (being me and my family - her grandchildren) she must choose. She was unimpressed and didn't care much at all. She is at the stage in the cycle where she doesn't think she has a problem. She screamed and yelled at me in front of my kids. I asked her to leave my home. She continued to yell and said more nasty things. My eldest child started crying especially since my mum was screaming outside my front door even after I closed it. I did not scream back. I did not raise my voice. I kept calm. Calm but sad. I don't want this happening with my kids around, it's not fair. I'm finding the separation hard. Very hard but I know I must do it and stick to it. Isn't the saying true - you must be cruel to be kind. I'm trying. I've also booked myself in to see my GP this week. Just needing some support.
    0 x
    Rainbow2018
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2018 7:58 pm

    Re: My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:01 pm

    Thank you for all your responses so far,
    0 x
    Mona58
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1056
    Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 12:44 pm

    Re: My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:13 pm

    Please don't be hard on yourself. You have NOT failed... this maybe just the wake up your mother needs. It is out of your hands. You did Well.
    0 x
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:40 pm

    You have done what you need to do..you will feel sad but at the same time you have shown real strength.give your mum time and hope she can see reason.Good luck
    0 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 359
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: My mum is addicted to pokies and I need help

    Tue May 01, 2018 2:59 pm

    Hi Rainbow.

    I am one of the new facilitators here on gamblers help online.

    Sounds like your mothers gambling has taken a toll on you and your relationship with her.

    It sounds like you're in a difficult position, however it sounds like you have gained a sense of control and the initiative of what works for you and your family.

    I would suggest to give the gamblers help phone number to your mother, just as a resource she can use when she feels ready to acknowledge her gambling as a problem for her. 1800 858 858

    You can also access our free gamblers help counselling services for extra support by calling the same number I have provided.
    0 x

    Return to “For Family and Friends”