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I don't know what to do

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:41 pm
by Katy

It's my first time posting here and I'm slightly nervous.
My fiancé and I have been together for over 5 years, and he has had a gambling problem for roughly 4 years. When it first started it was with the pokies, and he would spend his whole pay check in one sitting.
Eventually his family and I got him into counciling, which helped for a little while. But he eventually stopped going, then his problem turned from pokies to online casinoss and online betting.
He's tried giving up quite a few times and in November last year he did really well and quit for three months but unfortunately relapsed with an online casino some months later. Since then he has been gambling in secret and only telling me when everything has fallen apart. I've tried different strategies on how to help him but he somehow manages to find his way around everything. Two weeks ago I gave birth to our first child and last night he sent me a message that he has relapsed again leaving us with no money in our accounts. He said he wanted to leave me and that I deserved better, and that our son deserved better.
He said he was going to sleep and then pack his stuff and go.

Currently he is still asleep and I don't know how to feel. I love him so much, but I also love our son and I can't put him through this. I want him to change but he doesn't want to seek help which he has directly told me. He knows he has a problem but doesn't want to seek counciling.

I don't know what to do. I love him but if he doesn't want to get help what more can I do? I feel like everything is falling apart.

I'm sorry if this is a rather sparse post. I just can't really be honest with anyone else and I need some advice.
Thank you,


Re: Fiancé doesn't want to seek help

Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 4:00 pm
by JenniferX (facilitator)
Hi Katy,

Welcome to the forums, and great job making your first post. What you describe sounds really hard, especially in these first weeks of being with your little son. Sounds like you are struggling to get some clarity in your thoughts and feelings right now, which is totally understandable. It can help to read through what others in similar situations have written on the forums, and perhaps to get some ideas for coping that might work for you.

Talking with someone face to face can help as well. Counselling from Gambler's Help is a free option in most states for partners and family members, in recognition of the impact it can have on families. To get started, you could call 1800 858 858. Another option would be to contact Relationships Australia ( or 1300 364 277) to talk to a relationships counsellor - they can see individuals as well as couples if your partner is reluctant to go down that track.

Stay in touch


Re: I don't know what to do

Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 12:22 am
by Kath9
Hi Katy
Just joined as in similar situation.. wondered how you got on?
All the best :D