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  • AmI doing the right thing?

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    For my brother
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 8:55 pm

    AmI doing the right thing?

    Sun Jan 15, 2017 8:59 pm

    My brother is in his mid 40's. He is bankrupt and his wife just left him. He is a gambler and has an addiction. I have agreed to try and sort out his bills with his weekly pay and he focus on going to gamblers anon and sorting his head out. Up until now he has always gone to mum for money but she has none left. Am I doing the right thing for my brother and can anyone offer me some advice please?
    0 x
    annnie
    Senior Member
    Posts: 201
    Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 5:07 pm

    Re: AmI doing the right thing?

    Sun Jan 15, 2017 9:30 pm

    Hi,

    Helping him financially is not the right thing to do, it won't go where it should at present. However by being an emotional support whilst he gets back on his feet would be invaluable to him. I hope you have read some of the other posts so you can be more informed of how difficult it can be for all involved whilst on the road to recovery and the strategies that can be used . Whilst the addiction is so strong , he may try everything in the book to retain cash for gambling.
    No cash = no gambling.

    Gamblers anon would be good however it is only one form of support and it sounds like he may need different kinds from what he is going through, so I hope he considers financial counselling and particularly face to face one on one counselling to work on underlying issues. He is fortunate to have you supporting him. Don't take on too much and hope I have helped you,

    Take care & keep in touch & call the help line & speak to one of the counsellors yourself for some help, they are very good .
    0 x
    For my brother
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 8:55 pm

    Re: AmI doing the right thing?

    Mon Jan 16, 2017 8:14 am

    Thank you Annie, I am continuing to read all the strategies etc that are available on this website and others. I feel so sick over all of this, just consuming my life and it's not my addiction. Breaks my heart.
    0 x
    annnie
    Senior Member
    Posts: 201
    Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 5:07 pm

    Re: AmI doing the right thing?

    Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:58 am

    Hi,

    Unfortunately it not only affects the gambler but those around also. You can also do counselling through gamblers help and it may help with you putting boundaries in place, what your prepared to do to help and what's non negotiable, but in particular you need to be heard by someone who can assist you in dealing with this so it is not a constant problem for you.

    For now it is going to be about what your brother is prepared and committed to do to get through this. It may be that he is prepared to put in the hard work, or you may have to walk away. Make yourself the priority.

    All the best, take care
    0 x
    Charlotte (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:53 am

    Re: AmI doing the right thing?

    Mon Jan 16, 2017 3:59 pm

    Hi there,
    I agree that helping out the gambler financially i.e., giving him money, bailing him out, is a big 'no no' as even with the best intentions, the money is likely to be spent on gambling. If you're able to help your brother by controlling his finances for a while it might be helpful. Limiting his access to cash could be an effective barrier in terms of making change. Obviously you wouldn't want to be doing this forever, but it can be useful whilst he breaks the habit, gets some counselling and makes lifestyle changes.

    Providing emotional support for your brother will be invaluable. For instance, letting him know that he can call you when he's having an urge to gamble - sometimes that can be really powerful, as it helps the gambler realise that the urge will pass by talking to someone or doing something to distract themselves.

    If you'd like further support, you can always call Gambler's Helpline 24/7 to speak with a trained gambling counsellor: 1800 858 858.

    All the best,
    Charlotte
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: AmI doing the right thing?

    Mon Jan 16, 2017 6:22 pm

    Giving your brother support is fantastic but not financially..it is only a bandaid measure and will only solve the short term problem..he needs to seek professional help and so do you so you know how to help so it benefits everyone
    0 x
    For my brother
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 8:55 pm

    Re: AmI doing the right thing?

    Tue Jan 17, 2017 10:09 am

    I have been seeking advice from the chat counsellor on here and they thought managing his money so he could get initial help was a possible action I could take. I do not intend on giving him money only helping him manage the money he does have. I thought it was a positive step that he has asked us for help and is willingly seeking external support. I feel so confused now.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: AmI doing the right thing?

    Tue Jan 17, 2017 12:55 pm

    Helping him manage his money is a positive thing to do as long as you dont give him money..he should be very thankful he has someone willing to help and you are doing a very kind thing to help him..together hopefully you can help him beat this habit..good luck
    0 x

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