Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby fray » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:41 am

Bada,

This is so sad and wrong.

How are you? where are you?
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Thu Jun 01, 2017 5:57 pm

Hi Bada,

I am sorry to hear that things have been working to terribly for you. I think all you can do it focus on being the best person you can be and slowly work towards building a relationship with your children in the future.

I would love to offer some suggestions as to services that might be able to assist you, but I only know about Australian services. I hope you can find someone in your area that can help you.

Stay strong.
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby pamela » Mon May 29, 2017 2:12 pm

How hard things are for you but justice will prevail..hang in there and never give up
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby Bada » Mon May 29, 2017 1:48 pm

So thankyou everyone who has helped me with advice through this.
My partner has lived to her promise of assuring me that life will be harder if I leave her, than if I stay.

Here in PNG she has used corruption, bribery and manipulation to damage the court hearing with respect to custody of our children. In addition, she launched a physical attack on myself and friends while we were out for dinner at night, breaching her restraining order conditions. Accompanied by Police, I went and collected my children who were left in the house with an incompetent babysitter while she was on a drunken, abusive rampage around town. She retaliated by bribing her own relatives in the police to aggressively pursue me, and have me charged and locked up for trespass. 3 months later I am still trying to battle a corrupt system to have my name cleared of these charges. I have not seen my children since that time and she refuses to cooperate.

She is reported at the Pokies still on a regular basis, usually accompanied by different men who buy her drinks and give her money. My employer is paranoid about my security, and I am trying to get out of here, but need to deal with the Court stuff first. My custody hearing for the children I am sure will fail and I may as well withdraw the case, as I believe she has also bribed the child welfare officers.

This is tragic for my girls. They are also Australian citizens and deserve to have the love of their Father, not live only in her crazy alcohol/gambling fuelled world. It breaks my heart that the only option I can see now is to leave with pretty much a suitcase, and work out another way, someday, to try and protect my daughters.
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby Noah (facilitator) » Tue Feb 28, 2017 4:55 pm

annnie wrote:Hi Bada,

Sorry to hear that your situation has not improved, heartbreaking to hear of what you and your children are experiencing. It sounds like you have sought legal advice and I am sure that you have been given the necessary & correct information about your rights and those of the children. It must be so hard for you to deal with all of this and especially as this is not your home country. Take a bit of time each day just for yourself , focus on trying to relax as difficult as it is, my counsellor is always saying ' BREATHE ' a short breath in and a long breath out, do this for a couple of minutes and allow your body regain itself. You and your children's welfare are the priority and at the end of the day knowing that you have done your best will help you get through, it certainly sounds like this is what you are doing under the most difficult of circumstances.

The only deals I would make would be through the court system and those that are in the best interest of the children, I hope this country allows for you to do that. You are not to blame. Feed the children - YES. Feed the addiction - NO . Don't hide anything , say exactly what's going on to your lawyer ( you will need one for maintenance payments ) and they can fill you in on any undertakings that need to be in place for the benefit of the children.

Nobody has the right to take all away from you, I hope others are able to see the truth and support you.


Wishing you all the best, take care....


Hi Bada,
Life sounds incredibly stressful at the moment. Are you aware that you can get free counselling through Gamblers Help as a significant other who is affected by someone elses gambling. The counsellor can address other issues too (not just the gambling). You can call 1800 858 858 to find out more about how you can make an appointment to see a counsellor.
I hope that you have taken steps so that you and the children have the best possibility of remaining safe through this most stressful time.
Take care,
Noah
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby malvina » Tue Feb 28, 2017 3:15 pm

Further to my last post I think your situation is serious especially as far as the children are concerned. If you move off with them she will sell all you have I see just one thing you can do - that is get a restraining order. If you tell it like it is you will get one and it might be enough to shake your wife into reality because I fear that nothing else is going to do it
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby malvina » Tue Feb 28, 2017 10:41 am

I feel you have no option but to get your kids with family and get her taken in care if you leave her in the house she will take everything out of it for the pokies
I don't think you have any choice here at all I think the kids could be in danger
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby annnie » Tue Feb 28, 2017 4:30 am

Hi Bada,

Sorry to hear that your situation has not improved, heartbreaking to hear of what you and your children are experiencing. It sounds like you have sought legal advice and I am sure that you have been given the necessary & correct information about your rights and those of the children. It must be so hard for you to deal with all of this and especially as this is not your home country. Take a bit of time each day just for yourself , focus on trying to relax as difficult as it is, my counsellor is always saying ' BREATHE ' a short breath in and a long breath out, do this for a couple of minutes and allow your body regain itself. You and your children's welfare are the priority and at the end of the day knowing that you have done your best will help you get through, it certainly sounds like this is what you are doing under the most difficult of circumstances.

The only deals I would make would be through the court system and those that are in the best interest of the children, I hope this country allows for you to do that. You are not to blame. Feed the children - YES. Feed the addiction - NO . Don't hide anything , say exactly what's going on to your lawyer ( you will need one for maintenance payments ) and they can fill you in on any undertakings that need to be in place for the benefit of the children.

Nobody has the right to take all away from you, I hope others are able to see the truth and support you.


Wishing you all the best, take care....
annnie
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby pamela » Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:30 pm

I am very sorry things have gone so bad for you.I would seek legal and professional help to maintain the safety of your children.
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Re: Wife goes underground to keep playing Pokies

Postby Bada » Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:43 am

Thankyou to everyone here for your support, but my challenges have got harder, not easier.
I got to the point where I stepped out of my own home for fear of my own safety three weeks ago, to try and minimise the number of aggressive, emotionally abusive events that would occur in the home, in front of my children. My partner has not stopped gambling and the lies, counter accusations and game playing has only got worse.
Getting back to my own home to check on the children got harder as the days went by, with her moving in other people of bad habits, having all night drinking sessions and running smear campaigns on social media and having meetings with ill-informed but influential people to claim that I had 'abandoned & neglected the family' and left the house just to run around with a new girlfriend & similar. Complete BS. I was sleeping in the car, in my office... too fearful to stay at hotels in case she found me, and did not want to stay with friends, as she would later target anyone who she feels is supporting me. Meanwhile she is emptying my house of most things, and working her next cunning plan.

I finally took out a restraining order, and she was ordered to leave my home. She left in anger with the children. I don't know where she is, but she sends messages with either straight up threats, or in the same day will tell me that "she still loves me and will forgive me for all I have done, if only I talk to her about her 'deal'". Her deal is for control and money. Earlier, love was blind, but I now see this for what it is.

I have had to get help to locate the children and evaluate their welfare. I am fearful for my own safety here in this country, but concerned to return home until I assure the safety and future of my children. The stubborn part of me asks what right does she have to take anything else away from me. She has taken my health, my ability to provide for and protect my children, my self-esteem, my financial security, my personal security... all away.
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