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  • Confused and Hurt

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Hudsonsmumma
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2016 3:31 pm

    Confused and Hurt

    Tue Nov 29, 2016 11:04 am

    When I met my now husband at the age of 18 never did I imagine 10 years later we would be where we are.
    He admitted to me 6 months into our relationship that he had a lot of debt (20k) and said some of it was from playing cards at the casino, he begged me to stay and to help him so i took over the finances and we got on with things. Over the years I knew he liked to gamble but didnt really see it as an issue until when I was pregnant with our now 7 month old son. Husband came to me devastated that he had gambled away our savings of 3k on one bet on a game of NRL, it was a sure thing and they lost. He was so upset asking me not to leave him, I said I wouldnt and so we decided he wouldnt gamble any more, he agreed. Things only got worse, he continued to gamble without me knowing and got his sportsbet account up to winnings of 14k. Then a month ago things came crashing down. He woke me up one morning in tears saying he was so soo sorry and that I deserved better. He had lost the 14k and tried to win it back by getting a 10k credit card, then when he lost that he got a 10k loan which he also lost. So in the space of a couple of months he lost 34k. He was soo disappointed in himself and promised that would be the end of his gambling, he was very apologetic and loving toward me. Things have now changed. Its been 2 months since that happened, my husband is now withdrawn, wants more time to himself and says he loves me but not the same as before. I am soo hurt, why after everything I have stuck by him through does he say this? He says He wants to make things work, but wants to do so by not getting help, not telling anyone, not arguing and by me "relaxing" and letting him have more freedom. He has taken a liking to drinking out late on the weekends with his mates. Leaving myself and our 7 month old at home. Does anyone have a similar story?
    Thanks
    0 x
    annnie
    Senior Member
    Posts: 201
    Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 5:07 pm

    Re: Confused and Hurt

    Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:00 pm

    Hi,

    I feel sad reading your story, it must be hard for you if he;s withdrawn and it seems like he sees you as the enemy rather than the gambling. perhaps the approach is not working and need to call for some help ? When we are in the throws of gambling , the head is definitely not thinking rationally. I am no expert but it may be that as he is now in over his head with debt , he maybe in the denial stage, looking for excuses and other outlets so as not to have to address the issues. There is only one way to get through this and that would be for you to take up counselling and discuss how you may firstly help yourself to work on this and hopefully he will join in also. Good Luck. I wish you all the best..
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1716
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Confused and Hurt

    Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:51 pm

    Sounds like your husband is feeling the guilt of his actions and his way of dealing with it is by ignoring it..I suggest you seek counselling for yourself..and try and talk to him and get him to open up..I wish you all the best and hope you can both resolve your issues
    0 x
    blastoise (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 222
    Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2015 4:49 pm

    Re: Confused and Hurt

    Wed Nov 30, 2016 1:35 pm

    Hi Hudsonmumma,

    Thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like you have been a pillar of support and understanding for your husband, and now it seems that this has had negative impacts on you as well. Just on what you have written, would you say that drinking has increased since he stopped gambling? Could it be a substitute for the gambling? I only say this as often we find that if the reasons for gambling started (and what the triggers for it were) hasn't been explored, then the problem might still be around.

    I think that you have done a wonderful job supporting him, but he needs to seek support. I encourage you to ask him to call gamblers Help 1800 858 858. Its anonymous and is manned by gambling counsellors who can explore why he gambles/gambled and link him in with counselling. This is a good way to introduce him to the concept of counselling. I would also encourage you to call as well if you need to. It might also be worthwhile to look at some couples counselling in your local area. It is a big step, but he needs to look at counselling for himself, he needs to be active in the process.
    If he doesn't want counselling, then I think you need to look at some for yourself and care for yourself. It can just be a space where you are free to disclose and talk without fear of judgement. Private message me if you need further advice though, or post on the forum.

    Keep us posted on developments, and know that this is a space you can talk on

    Blastoise
    0 x

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