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I quit enabling, and now I'm alone.
Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 12:28 am
I've been good friends with the man I love for several years now. He knows that I love him, and I know he doesn't love me. I enjoyed him so much, I was willing to take the risk that he might meet someone he likes better along the way. The past few years we've spent a lot of time at the casino. We did other things too, but gambling was the staple. Last year I loaned him over $3,000. to pay bills that he couldn't afford from gambling losses. The short of it is that I drew the line at that amount and quit enabling him. I assumed he'd quit too and pay me back. He didn't quit and only pays me back in small amounts as his last priority. Did he really use me for money? Really?
For 6 months I've focused on myself instead of him and decided to let life unfold, instead of trying to make things happen. I was doing great until I realized he had someone new in his life. I don't know if she gambles or if he is using her for babysitting so he can go. He quit calling and texting me after I drew the line. I could care less about the money he owes me, but I care deeply about him. I'm sick with grief to think he'd prefer someone else to me. So far I haven't done anything rash. I don't know if he met someone new and then dropped be because of that or if he was using me until I quit giving, and then he dropped me.
All my friends and family say that I'm better off without him, etc. But I still love him and don't want it to be over. What can I do? Has anyone had a similar situation that can give me advice. Thank you for being here.
Re: I quit enabling, and now I'm alone.
Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2016 3:28 pm
Sorry to hear that the man you love has left. It's always hard when relationships end. It's great to hear that you have spent some time focusing on yourself lately, I think that it is really important to focus on how to be comfortable in your own skin.
It's great to hear that you have been able to be assertive and have set some clear boundaries with him. One of the most caring and loving things you can do for someone with a gambling problem is to set clear boundaries, only by setting boundaries is he likely to overcome his addiction. You have taken the courageous path and are having the courage to try to help him through his addiction.
It sounds like he is focused on a new person as a way to maintain his gambling. He is so in love with gambling that he does not have any love spare for people. He is probably not in a position to be able to love anybody.
Sorry things haven't worked out the way you wanted, but you can feel proud that you were able have the courage to set some clear boundaries. I hope that you can find someone that I as good to you as you are to them. Maybe it's time to look for someone that can love you and treat you with the respect you deserve.