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  • Engaged & Relapsed.

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    zoe
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2016 4:06 pm

    Engaged & Relapsed.

    Wed Jun 08, 2016 4:18 pm

    Two days ago my partner and i got in an argument over some money that I had hid as i couldnt find it (this money was a gift to us for our upcoming wedding), He refused to show me where he had hid the money and after me tearing the house apart he then told me he had put it in the bank so we both couldnt touch it. I asked him straight out if he had spent it and he denied.. I kept on tearing the house apart ubtil he finally cracked and blurted out he had been gambling again and all the money was gone.
    My heart shattered.
    We have been together 6 years and have been through this situation before roughly 3 years ago. We did all sorts of counselling previously and it worked.. for a while it seems.
    My hearts broke to know he has spent his every pay for the last 8+ months, all our savings and has maxed out a credit card i had no idea exsited all due to gambling.
    I know how being addicted to gambling works I've been through the counselling with him I'm not naive.
    What hurts the most is he proposed to me while he was gambling knowing how much it would break us. I've planned and paid for majority of our wedding which is 9 months away.
    How am i meant to get married in this situation? I feel cheated and betrayed and currently feel no emotions towards him at all.
    Not only is it the emotional side of me that doesn't want to get married but we probably can't afford the venue and everything I've booked now anyway.

    I feel I've lost the love of my life and I dont know if 9 months will be lomg enough for us to get it back.

    How do I cope through this?
    0 x
    Jo-Anne
    Senior Member
    Posts: 457
    Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:40 pm

    Re: Engaged & Relapsed.

    Wed Jun 08, 2016 5:56 pm

    Hi Zoe...Reading your story hits home to me, and saddens me, as I did this many times to my (ex) husband. I think that your partner will be feeling really low, and that is why he was unable to own up straight away. I also think he was trying to make it all better and the fact that he did propose means he does love you. I understand why you would not believe that right now. You also have every right to be angry and hurt by his actions.

    The priority for you is to look after yourself. I understand you have already spoken to counselors, but a kind word of support would really help right now. It would be great if your partner could do the same and even join the forum. There are many people here who have been in his situation, and giving up gambling should be his top priority.

    I sincerely wish you both well.
    0 x
    zoe
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2016 4:06 pm

    Re: Engaged & Relapsed.

    Wed Jun 08, 2016 7:53 pm

    Jo-anne,
    Thank you for your reply, I needed it.
    He is feeling very low, I know this, however I'm finding it hard to even look at him right now let alone supporting him.
    He has already been to see a counsellor as i booked it in for him straight away and we will go together in the next session.
    I just dont know how anyone can build trust up again after this, we've been here and done this and i get the feeling this will be a lifelong battle and its hard to know if I'm strong enough to cope with it.

    It's hard to forgive, especially when the lies keep coming...
    0 x
    Jo-Anne
    Senior Member
    Posts: 457
    Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:40 pm

    Re: Engaged & Relapsed.

    Wed Jun 08, 2016 7:59 pm

    I really do understand Zoe.......look after yourself.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1717
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Engaged & Relapsed.

    Thu Jun 09, 2016 8:47 am

    Zoe you poor thing ..you need to get some counselling again preferrably with your partner and hope he can get help enough to stop gambling ..unfortunately money is not the only loss when it comes to gambling..get some professional advice..good luck
    0 x
    Peter
    Member
    Posts: 60
    Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 4:57 pm

    Re: Engaged & Relapsed.

    Thu Jun 09, 2016 9:36 am

    Hey there Zoe,

    Gamblers will use every possible physical and emotional mechanism available to keep gambling irrespective and in spite of knowing what the damage is and will be. That was me.

    What happened? My wife took control of all our finances which resulted in raging fights about it being "my money and I can do what I want". That money was there for us to live on, food, mortgage, normal household bills, school fees, family holidays. It was very tough on my family and we went without for a long while until I straightened myself out. There was a lot of emotional friction which eased over time. My family decided to support me and that was very important in my rehabilitation.

    Your circumstances as with a lot of people are different, our stories have similarities but each experience is unique. You have quite a few questions that you are asking and want answers to. They are complex and will determine what the rest of your life will look like. I honestly hope that those decisions are made with every possible piece of knowledge available to you. There are counsellors on this site that will steer you towards what they believe will be the best course for you to take. Please do that at least. All strength to you Zoe.
    0 x

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