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  • New Territory

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Chelsie_101
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Wed May 11, 2022 4:48 pm

    New Territory

    Wed May 11, 2022 4:51 pm

    I just found out my boyfriend has been gambling. When i started dating him, i new he had gambolled a lot in the past however he told me he had stopped 'a while ago'. I have never been with a gambler before, i dont know what to do or how to support him through it.
    Any advice is helpful!!
    1 x
    gzy3
    Senior Member
    Posts: 147
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: New Territory

    Thu May 12, 2022 9:58 am

    Hi @Chelsie_101 welcome to this forum.

    I am sorry to hear your boyfriend has continued to gamble, which is a shock to you.

    Honest and open conversation is always important to have with people who gamble and to support them.
    What underlies his gambling? What he does like and does not like about gambling?

    There is gambling counselling service available as well. Call gambling helpline on 1800 858 858 for more details.
    You can call them for yourself too to get some advice.
    Hopefully you will get some tips and advice on here as well.

    Again welcome to this forum.
    0 x
    TheTeam
    Member
    Posts: 30
    Joined: Fri Nov 16, 2018 4:38 pm

    Re: New Territory

    Sat May 14, 2022 4:06 pm

    hey @Chelsie_101 I was wondering how you've been going the past few days? It incredibly difficult knowing where to start in these types of situations, so I'm really glad you reached out. as @gzy3 says, an open and honest conversation is really important.

    Member @Jimap has a lot of insight as she has been through this experience with herself. @Jimap do you have advice for chelsie at this stage?
    0 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 87
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: New Territory

    Sun May 15, 2022 11:23 am

    Hi @Chelsie_101 sorry to hear that you have discovered your partner has a gambling addiction. You are probably feeling quite shocked and a little bewildered as to what you should do and how this will affect your future.
    I only really discovered my ex partners addiction 2 years into our 15 yr relationship. By that stage we had purchased a house and we had had our first baby. I didn’t want or feel I could walk away from him given I had invested myself financially and emotionally to the relationship.
    In hindsight (after counselling and learning more about addiction) I realised there were many things I could have done differently. However I have come to accept that the outcome of our relationship may have also been the same.
    Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction will at times feel like a roller coaster, you may feel like he is 2 different people at once.
    One way to support him is to be very clear on your boundaries of what you will and will not accept and stick to them. Eg..your boundary may be that you won’t provide him money to fund his habit or you won’t go to a casino or have a punt with him at the pub or races. If he chooses to punt or go to a casino those are his choices but you don’t have to along and participate with him.
    Also keep your money separate and don’t make any big financial purchases together until you have access to all his finances and can see how he spends his money over a long period of time…don’t just rely on his word as he will not doubt have been already lying to you about his addiction.
    He may choose to not want to stop gambling so you need to think about what your limit is in the relationship. If he is in active addiction expect him to lie and manipulate situations to get what he wants. Expect that gambling will affect his mental health so he may get depressed, irritable and moody. How will you handle this??? It’s inevitable that Gambling has a negative affect on relationships so you may need to reach out to someone you trust and that you can talk to about how you are feeling. It is not your fault he is gambling..
    Remember the 3 C’s..you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it…
    It is possible to love and support your partner through this however he needs to be in a place of also wanting to make changes. If he chooses not to then really consider how your life would look in 5 or 10 years time, not only financially but emotionally as well. Take care❤️
    2 x

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