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  • 100 days challenge number two

    Chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your ongoing recovery. Inspire others & take us all on your road to recovery!
    Elouisa
    Senior Member
    Posts: 141
    Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:46 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Tue Sep 29, 2015 9:46 pm

    Hi SW1,
    Yes I know. I want to go too. The trouble we all got ourselves into is because we loved the machines. That's why we can never go. We have no cut-off point. We may win but we will put it all back plus more. It will refresh the addiction so another binge occurs and all our money is gone again...
    I'm day 11 and I am starting to feel at peace and my thinking is clear. So long as I restrict access to money I will be determined.
    Doesn't matter how bad your day is don't make it worse by gambling.
    Hang in there.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1675
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:05 pm

    Absolutely..1 day without gambling is better than feeding those machines.We never win.all we do is lose money ..and our power to think rationally
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:19 pm

    Thankyou guys, i need to wake up from this. the voice of reason is silent at the moment. I hate this
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Thu Oct 01, 2015 4:30 pm

    Day 1 today. Again. But I am feeling a bit more confident, lots of posting and lots of positivity!
    Unfortunately this binge of a relapse has put me close to where I started financially. But Back on the horse and take it one day at a time.
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:51 am

    Day 2 today. I have made some plans to do things with friends over the weekend, hopefully this will keep the boredom and thoughts of gambling away. The 'hangover' from the last gamble is still there, this will take a while to go away. But I need to keep going. I know that if I continue to gamble, I will more than likely start drinking again, which leads to further destruction in my life.

    I hope everybody has a great day today and stays gamble free.
    0 x
    Dave68
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Oct 02, 2015 2:49 pm

    Hi SW1. Sorry to hear that the demon got a hold of you again, he's pernicious and really does hit with a vengeance when it comes.

    But again as others have said, take great heart in how long you kept it at bay, and take strength from the fact you did it before and can do it again. I think all of us have the demon, although i think it affects us in different ways. Mine was a stupidly long slow path of gambling that encompassed a massive 28 years of my adult life and drained a massive percentage of all money i may have earned from age 18 till 46. And it still drains it now in the form of residual debts that are only being whittled down slowly and the huge interest that this almost 70K debt entails. How i couldn't see this demon for that amount of time is mind boggling. I think your demon and others have is a hit hard type one, obviously when you play you go hard, and tend to crash or crash through. Unfortunately most of us crash, and have to pick up the pieces.

    But whatever it does, we're here because it's doing it's best to destroy us. The only way around it is to just keep reinforcing to ourselves that it's not the way. I've stayed off in-venue pokies since April 2014, so it's almost 18 month, but i did have that dalliance online several months ago where i lost $36. That hurt doing that after the almost textbook style of it losing, as it always did for me. Nothing changed with that loss, and for all of us we have to know and keep impressing it upon ourselves. Nothing will change if we gamble again. It will always result in losses in the end.

    That comment that a win is a loan, and a loss is forever is pretty much dead right. We always give any winnings back, and much more to boot.

    Keep the chin up SW1, the only way forward is what we can do in our power. What is lost remains lost and unretrievable (something we also have to rule a line under, as no gambling will ever recover the lost money). We just have to start over and try and regain our life slow step by slow step. For me it's hard, as every day i know i have pretty much destroyed myself financially and have nothing to show for things but debts. But, it's all we can do.
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:44 pm

    G'day Dave68,

    Firstly, congratulations on your continued abstinence from gambling! I know that it may be small chunks you are paying off your debt, but it is the right direction every day you don't gamble, and every time you pay portions off your debts, however small! This has been re affirmed to myself in the last couple of weeks, although I wasn't able to pay off huge amounts of my debt when I did the 100 day challenge, every fortnight I would make it without borrowing more, and every fortnight I would make a step in the right direction, was great.
    In a short space of time, I blew close to $10k, which is hard for me to even believe, but when you are betting max it goes quickly. It was a little while after completing the 100 day challenge that I went away with work. It was a great opportunity, I was getting paid a bit of extra money and wasn't spending much at all. I had managed to get close to paying half of my debt. And have a bit of money in my savings acc. During my recent binge, I took out two pay day loans, gambled them. Got one of my credit cards unblocked and drew an extra 6thousand on that, borrowed an extra 1thousand off my personal loan. Blew all the money that I had saved.
    The increase in interest alone that I have to pay back now is significant. I put myself back probably 6months. Plus this puts me back in the depths of self loathing. Looking back at the fact I had another opportunity to get ahead a little bit, the fact that I had paid off heaps of my debt, the loss of sleep thinking about going back and chasing those losses. The withdrawals from social contact due to lack of money, and lack of interest. And also for me, the fact that this low was leading me to start thinking about drinking again(which is just as bad as gambling for me)

    I think where you are in your recovery is excellent, and you should be extremely proud of yourself.

    I have no idea where the craving to gamble came back from, I returned from working away in a remote area for the last few months and bam it was there as soon as I returned home and had the ability to gamble again. It was lurking, prior to returning I had some concerns about having a decent amount of cash in my bank account. But I promised myself I would use that money to do some things I haven't been able to for a long time, get my car fixed, buy some furniture etc.

    It definitely is true about wins being loans! My wins went straight back in. That is my demon, I don't stop until everything is gone.
    It is good to be back in civilisation and have the ability to continue to post on these forums, and I will continue to post and read daily.

    I hope everybody has a good long weekend, stays gamble free and footy team wins if they are playing!!

    Day 2. The voices of reason are back fighting those gambling voices, which is good. They had stayed quiet for the last couple of weeks.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1675
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:26 pm

    SW! we all know the pokie demons overtake us but we have to say enough is enough and fight them any way we can.
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Sat Oct 03, 2015 7:57 am

    G'day Pamela, exactly, enough is enough!! Today is day 3 and today I will fight off that demon with whatever it takes! I don't want it controlling my life and sending me down the plug hole!
    0 x
    Elouisa
    Senior Member
    Posts: 141
    Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:46 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:59 am

    Hi SW1,
    Well after dishing out advice here I went and gambled yesterday. Day off work.
    I get what you say and how you feel.
    I am terribly disappointed in myself!
    I hate the fact that one binge can set you back months. I hate that willpower is not enough. Like saying "I'll never eat chocolate again" it doesn't work for long.
    I only got to 2 weeks until yesterday but now back to having $50 until Thursday and a pawn loan for $400 and $200 to a family member I borrowed yesterday.
    On top of what I already owe this has compounded it. Lovely sunny morning and I just went straight to a venue. Knowing I'd feel bad and have to admit I broke my 100-day challenge I still did it!
    I didn't even enjoy it. Air of despair in there and I never got in front at any time to consider collecting and leaving.
    Machine sucked in $900 in no time. Maybe couple of hours...
    My biggest mistake was not following everyone's advice and leaving card at home.
    So back to Day 1. Easy because I don't have the funds. It's after each payday I am vulnerable.
    0 x

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