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  • 100 days challenge number two

    Chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your ongoing recovery. Inspire others & take us all on your road to recovery!
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Wed Jan 20, 2016 6:51 am

    Thank you Pamela,
    Accepting I have a problem is something I need to do constantly! This acceptance needs to be there when I have thoughts about going back and winning money.
    I need to remind myself that I will never win when I gamble, I have a problem which means it will never be enough and I need never stop!
    Day 5 today, long weekend coming up. I need to make it through that. Its a few days away but I already know it will be hard! Lots of exercise and keeping busy!
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:54 am

    Day 6 today, feeling more positive about not gambling, but 1 day at a time. Today I do not want to gamble
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1657
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Thu Jan 21, 2016 5:49 pm

    Well done..one day at a time..everyday without gambling is a good day..say not today everyday and it will get easier..baby steps in the right direction
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:03 pm

    Everyday without gambling is a good day Pamela, spot on!
    One of the many things I need to do is remind myself of that!
    It is like I forget how bad the days are when I gamble, where it takes me, how it has ruined a lot of chances and good things in my life!
    My demon blocks that out and tells me I need to go back there
    Back there to cope, back there to win money , back there is to get the excitement. Back there because I'm an addict and I need to.
    I can't go back.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1657
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:23 pm

    Unfortunately thats the lure of the pokies ,they play that song that reels us in. One thing that helped me was trying to imagine the machine was black and white and silent,,would it have the same appeal??? Not at all..see if that helps you ..we dont need them , we can live without them . Just take each day as it comes. We all have an addiction but it can be beaten,,,
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Jan 22, 2016 6:19 am

    Yes if they were black and white Pamela, now nowhere near as addictive if at all! I have those tunes stuck in my head, and my addiction associates them with good times! Ha not the reality of how destructive they are!!
    Day 7 today, after work its the start of a four day weekend, this is such a dangerous time for me. I will spend my time productively, exercising, socialising etc..
    But I need to focus on today, and not gambling today!
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:15 pm

    I had very strong urges to drink and gamble this afternoon after work. It was a really shitty week at work. First week back after 5 weeks off, so they're always going to be bad!
    But there were a few personality clashed and arguments. And just a generally bad week.
    I always struggle going to a new workplace, I am a very quiet and socially awkward person. This I guess was one of the reasons why I have enjoyed playing pokies, I don't need to interact, I can go out and its just me and those machines!
    Its not a case that I don't want to be a sociable person, after years of gambling and drinking on my own, I just really really struggle with it. I have not developed the social skills most people do.
    I have extremely low self esteem, and worry how people will view me which doesn't help at all
    With my life being unmanageable, I didn't prepare properly for my new work, I am not a responsible, organised person
    Moving interstate means I have to transfer my car Registration, to do that I have to get my car inspected. From gambling, I don't have enough money to pay for the inspection. Let alone fix the damage that I have had to my car for the last 5 years! This damage means that it isn't roadworthy, so wouldn't pass the inspection anyway. In the past 5 years I have gambled enough to not only fix the car, but I could've bought a brand new expensive car!!
    Its just part of my life being unmanageable as a gambling addict.
    I don't live, I just barely survive!

    My coping mechanism this afternoon was to think about drinking and writing myself off, or going to the casino and blowing the small amount of money I do have!

    But I can't do that, and didn't today. I need to find the strength to keep going, staying ' sober' from alcohol and gambling

    I needed to vent! And will do many more times! I am grateful for this site to be able to do that.
    I have moved to Darwin and there are no ga meetings here, I only went to a few before coming here , but found them extremely beneficial. I found I was holding myself more accountable each week. And enjoyed spending time hearing people discuss their demon and how they were fighting them
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Sat Jan 23, 2016 7:08 am

    Day 8 today, need to keep going today.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1657
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Sat Jan 23, 2016 8:44 am

    Hey SW...I understand your pain but you are doing really well so keep going..this is a great place to vent as we have all been through the same thing.As hard as it is it does get easier..moving interstate is a big challenge but you have done it so embrace the move and think of it as a new start without pokies..keep going and you will see and feel the benefits of not gambling
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Mon Feb 01, 2016 6:27 am

    Thank you Pamela, I will try whatever I can to break the this cycle. At the moment I just can't do that though. I'm under the control if this addiction and am powerless over it. It is just making life worse and worse at the moment.
    I am unable to get through a payday without gambling. Which means I've stopped paying my bills. Haven't fixed my car. Haven't transferred my registration or license.
    I gambled both last Thursday and Friday nights. I got up a fair bit both times, but left with nothing. This leads to a weekend where I do not leave my unit. I do not interact with others and feel the worst I have. And then of course sitting there, I think about how much I hate gambling. I hate it the most when I have no money. I know the demon will be back when I get paid again in a fortnight.

    At the moment I am just a mess, it is effecting my work, I don't want to talk to people. And am extremely anxious about everything, I have to give some presentations this week and next, I get anxious and shake when I speak publicly.

    Plus getting through each fortnight with no money means I'm not eating properly or at all sometimes. Not sleeping well and am waking up really early and am stressed about everything before I even get to work.

    This is what my adult life has been like. I drank a few times over the Christmas period. I had gone over 300 days without drinking. I need to stop both.
    Day 3 today. I need to seek some help here in Darwin, there is no Ga, which is not good.
    0 x

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