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  • The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your ongoing recovery. Inspire others & take us all on your road to recovery!
    Tanya
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:35 am

    The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:51 pm

    Since last Thursday I have literally run the gamut of emotions. I really wanted to go back just so I could hide. Then realised I would be going there to hide from myself in the worst way.

    Looking forward to this awful feeling passing. I know it's a combination effect. Combination of withdrawal from the demon, medication upheaval and hormones. I have been up and down all over the place. Last night I randomly wanted to bawl! That's not me....well its not who I thought I was.

    In the wake of my decision to stop gambling a lot of things I didn't think I was are coming to the surface. My selfishness, my lack of commitment to friends and family, a distinct lack of honesty (and I thought I was one of the most honest people around).

    To be fair on myself I have tackled this issue over the years. I have also given a great deal of myself to others. Perhaps not all of me though. Like many people I have built a wall around myself. Slowly it needs to be dismantled and built at a much lower height and without the need for a huge moat surrounding me.

    Many knew (and know) of my struggle to be pokies free and have been very supportive of it over the years. At least for the time being I want to keep this between you and me. I have quite enough to face right now every time I turn try thoughts inwards.

    *sigh* time time time. I got a lot of ground to cover.
    0 x
    User avatar
    Noah (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 308
    Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:53 pm

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:11 pm

    Hi Tanya,
    Welcome to the community! I hope that you'll find this a warm and supportive place to be. Thanks for sharing your story! Sounds like you are at the beginning of a confronting journey but a worthwhile one. Keep in touch and let us know how you get on :)
    Noah
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    Tanya
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:35 am

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Wed Dec 03, 2014 6:40 am

    Today is payday. Wednesdays are typically one of my more difficult days as I try to organise bills and sort through my finances (or lack thereof). Nine times out of ten I wind up back playing.

    I can do this. I don't have to lose....again. Now that I have started down this road I really want to succeed.
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    Tanya
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:35 am

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Thu Dec 04, 2014 5:19 am

    I made it through yesterday!
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    Richard6
    Senior Member
    Posts: 109
    Joined: Fri Jul 25, 2014 7:35 pm

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Thu Dec 04, 2014 2:51 pm

    Excellent work Tanya.
    Each day without a bet should be celebrated.

    There is no way to make money when gambling.
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    Dave68
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Fri Dec 05, 2014 10:29 pm

    Great work Tanya....that's a significant hurdle you've already beaten.

    Just try and think to yourself that you deserve better than what gambling does to you. Those machines don't deserve your hard-earned money, nor your time. The government taxes you pay when playing them don't need to be paid by you. Let them go hungry, it would be amazing i guess if all the pokie machines were unplayed...what would happen! But they just exist as a voracious medium to take money off people like us and pretend that it's fun to do it. It's an empty thrill, and the cold reality is that they steal from you....they steal your time, your money, and your future. Don't allow them that privilege.
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    SusanM
    Member
    Posts: 35
    Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:12 pm

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Fri Dec 12, 2014 7:16 pm

    Hey Tanya,

    How are you travelling this week? Did you get past another pay day and manage to steer clear of the pokies? What differences are you noticing?

    Let us know how you are getting on.
    kind regards,
    Susan
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    Tanya
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:35 am

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:19 am

    Been a little while since I checked in. I went away for a family Christmas in QLD and to bring my daughter home.

    My stress response to the whole event had been to escape into gaming areas while away and since coming home.

    There is much unsaid and having in the air in our household and my daughter is not exactly making it any easier. There is much to work through both personally and within the family unit at home and I feel I lack the qualities to help it along so I gambled to avoid the situation. (It sucks to acknowledge it in writing this way).

    I have called a family meeting to hopefully diffuse the situation further but it will have to wait until next week when we are all together.

    In the meantime I have finally managed to send back an updated self exclusion form to weed out my last 'bolt holes'.

    I don't have the time to be wasting my energy and money on venues. I have lost enough of myself in them.

    Hopefully I will have happier news to bring to the table in the coming weeks as I move forward with returning to work (after lengthy work cover), starting university, survivalist training (what am I doing to myself with that lol) and being more emotionally available for my family and friends.

    One step at a time right? Looking forward to each step stinging a little less. I have a lot of ground to cover.
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    User avatar
    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:15 pm

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Sun Jan 18, 2015 1:59 pm

    Good to hear from you Tanya. Sounds like you've been through a tough time and appreciate your bravery in writing it down. Not easy seeing it in black and white. Well done on sending those self-exclusion docs in though... a definite step against further gambling. Looking forward to hearing how the family meeting and all the other things you've got coming up go. One step at a time indeed and I do believe each step further away with sting less...
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    Tanya
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:35 am

    Re: The Withdrawal Wake Up

    Thu Jan 29, 2015 9:24 pm

    14 crazy days of no gambling! Only just realised that 2 weeks had actually passed! If I ever I have had to escape from reality then the past 10 days have been right up there for sure.

    That said I didn't go. I have banned myself so that's one motivation. Biggest motivation is the realisation I have to currently save my *** off to be able to pay for rather big expenses over the next 2 months, not least of all to buy books for uni starting in March. This uni undertaking is of the biggest importance to me. More important than my need to gamble.

    Hopefully this motivation continues to sustain me and keep me getting further away from the dreaded machines and closer to my goals of financial well being and obtaining my degree in Archaeology (lifetime passion!!).

    Actually proud of my effort! First 3 days were toughest so far. The urge was huge. The creeping need and the emotional challenges of withdrawal so intense I almost gave in! Though I didn't....and isn't that the whole point? Those moments where you don't give into those destructive and disabling behaviours. So yeah I am proud of myself but not silly. There are many more of these craving days ahead, hiding and waiting to take me down. I am going to try and be stronger than those desires and make my 2 weeks turn into a month!

    Good luck to others on their personal journeys also. May patience and determination be with you all the time.
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