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  • Mr first day

    Chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your ongoing recovery. Inspire others & take us all on your road to recovery!
    Karen
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:35 pm

    Mr first day

    Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:51 pm

    I have been trying to stop playing the pokies for a very long time.

    It's really hit home of late just how much time and money I have wasted. I really want to change my ways and be the happy person I once was.

    I feel like I must be a very weak person when I give into the urge to play. I hate it when I come home after a stint on the pokies ( lost my money again) and say never again, I might last 2 or so weeks then bang off I go again. Sign of weakness?

    The stupid thing is I know what I should do to give up, I know that pokies just take your money, I know the more I lose the more desperate I feel, I know I don't want to have this fight with myself anymore so why or how can it be this hard to stop the urge?
    0 x
    Hopefull
    Member
    Posts: 37
    Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:01 pm

    Re: Mr first day

    Mon Nov 24, 2014 7:07 am

    Hi Karen, welcome to the forum and the start of your recovery. Now that you have admitted the power of the urge it is time to fight it. I tried a lot of different things and some helped and others not so much. I feel I was much worse than you because when I was at my peak I would last only a day or two before getting drawn back. Is there a G.A meeting near you, I spent a lot of time off the pokies when I went to meetings and you are with people who share and understand the same pain that you are dealing with. I even at one stage shifted to W.A where the did not have pokies but ended up coming back to be with friends and started right up again. I did try two hypnotherapists and the first one did nothing for me but the second one I had one session with and stayed off for two years then busted again, went back for another session and spent the next three years of them. I recently started again after letting the stress and frustration of work and neighbours get to me and although no where as bad as I use to be I just don't want to go down that road again. Unfortunately I no longer live near that same hypnotherapist but am seeing another in a week and giving her a try. Best of luck.
    0 x
    Karen
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:35 pm

    Re: Mr first day

    Mon Nov 24, 2014 5:13 pm

    Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I will do anything to beat this addiction. I did hypnotherapy on Sunday so let's see how that goes. The silly thing is I don't crave to play the pokies, I don't think about them all the time. It's when I sometimes get a free day to myself which is very rare, I think " oh I might go play the pokies", I have this little mind battle with myself, 5 times out of ten I don't go but when I do and lose I feel terrible.

    Sometimes I think my way of thinking is just ridiculous! How can you hate feeling so bad after playing and yet go back again and again. I hate the feeling so why do I bring this on my self surely I am stronger than that.

    I am going to use this forum as my escape, when I get the urge to play I am going to log on and type how I feel and hope the urge will past.

    My gambling debt is not huge and will only take me a few months to recover, but that's the least of my problems. I want to live again and not be consumed and ashamed of my pokie playing, life is too short to be wasting my time, energy, money and self esteem to keep going the way I am.

    I beat myself up mentally for at least a week after playing the pokies then I might not play for a few weeks, thinking I'm getting better, maybe I am but I don't want to go a few weeks without playing, I NEVER want to play again.

    Thank you for your post, we can beat this
    0 x
    User avatar
    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:15 pm

    Re: Mr first day

    Mon Nov 24, 2014 8:35 pm

    Hi Karen,
    A big welcome on behalf of the moderators here too. Great to see you here. I'm sure and actually it sounds like you are already experiencing the great support the community offers here :) . Redaing your post I think many people here will be able to relate to your struggles with the pokies. Great idea to use the forum to help with urges. There's loads of info here on managing urges and the different types of support available (both formal and informal).
    Stay in touch :D
    0 x
    Karen
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:35 pm

    Re: Mr first day

    Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:31 pm

    I have been super busy with work, which has kept my mind on work and not my addiction. I had a hypnosis session on Sunday and I must admit I think it may have helped to some degree. I feel a lot stronger and I am a lot more positive about handling my pokie addiction.

    I keep confirming to myself that playing the pokies will destroy my life financially and emotionally.

    The stupid thing is, if you have someone in your life you don't get along with you don't make them a part of your life, if you eat something you don't like you won't eat it again so if pokies are a negative thing in your life and destroying what you have why play them. So I am going to train my mind to hate poker machines for they are the most negative thing I have ever had in my life.

    I know I can do this and I know we all can, let's not let the pokies win they have taken too much from us already.
    0 x
    Dave68
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Mr first day

    Sat Nov 29, 2014 7:15 am

    That's the way i managed to expunge them from my life too Karen, to try and channel all the memories and essentially hate of what the machines ultimately have left me with over the years towards them and any urge i have to play them. In my case the debt i have is massive, and it's just head down and bum up and hope as far as reducing it goes, but the resentment i have in terms of knowing that for probably a decade or so holidays are out of bounds, any major new appliance or anything, just about any thing a regular working person would easily strive for is out of my reach due to those things, it's certainly kept me off them now since April 9th.

    It's the only way i could do it...i had to somehow channel the feelings i would have every time i'd walk out of a venue having lost my money, and tell my brain that i just cannot do this anymore. I actually convinced myself i simply haven't got the talent to play them. The sight of others all around me winning was something that kept me there hoping it would be my turn, but since it never happened in 15 years of playing them, it certainly wasn't going to start now. Having done so, it's actually been surprisingly easy to stay off the machines. I do admit i have been in three times with a friend who still plays (probably as badly as i did), just to watch, and to be frank watching him play and lose was both disheartening and also at times boring. Again, machines all around would sing and flash with features and stuff, but when you condense it down, you feed money into a thing, that simply plays symbols and it costs you money to watch it. Pretty stupid, eh, especially when you realise how much you work to earn the money you're wasting, and how you are getting absolutely nothing of value back.
    0 x
    Karen
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:35 pm

    Re: Mr first day

    Sat Nov 29, 2014 3:24 pm

    Hi Dave

    Sounds like we think alike, congrats on not giving in to the pokies since April, what an achievement. Just imagine the feeling you are going to have when you do get out of debt, you will feel so free.

    The hate for pokies is really sinking in, I work so hard to earn good money and I feel like I have wasted so much time and money but that is the past, I can't change it, but it is good to remind myself about the past so I won't repeat it in the future, in saying that I don't want to waste anymore time dwelling on the past it's really exhausting. ( hope that made sense)

    So I say "good on us" for freeing ourselves from this addiction. This was only one chapter in our lives and the next chapter is so much better and healthier.

    Have a great weekend
    0 x
    User avatar
    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:15 pm

    Re: Mr first day

    Sun Nov 30, 2014 4:38 pm

    Good on you indeed! Looking forward to hearing about the new chapter :D

    Stay in touch
    0 x

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