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  • Pears diary

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    AussiePear
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:56 pm

    Pears diary

    Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:57 pm

    I’m so glad I came across this web forum tonight, I haven’t had a diary since I was a teenager. Hopefully it will help me.
    Day 1.
    I hate myself, I really do, can’t seem to understand why on earth I have wasted hours gambling and loosing money.
    Feeling my worst but am happy I found a site where I can hopefully get to a better place.
    I want to change . I wanna see a better me, better wife, better mum. XX
    3 x
    gzy3
    Junior Member
    Posts: 28
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:18 am

    Welcome to the GHO forums @AussiePear !

    I am glad you have decided to join and share your story.
    I can hear you are determined to become a better version of yourself for yourself, your husband and your child, great!
    Keeping a diary can be a powerful way of tracking gambling and noticing urges and impulses.
    The more you become aware of what is behind your gambling, the better you will be able to put strategies in place to deal with them.

    I hope you find some comfort connecting with others in similar situations as well.
    Keep on going, monitor your urges, also remember one at a time. Good luck AussiePear!
    3 x
    AussiePear
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:56 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Mon Aug 19, 2019 12:24 pm

    Thank u. Taking it day by day. I hope this helps as u said too ☺️
    1 x
    AussiePear
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:56 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Mon Aug 19, 2019 12:59 pm

    Day 2.
    Feeling motivated from reading so many posts.
    I’m not sure it will last long. So I have to work out a plan.
    Today I threw out my club membership cards. Don’t want to go back to them. Not anytime soon. Optimistic today anyway. X
    3 x
    gzy3
    Junior Member
    Posts: 28
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:12 pm

    Hi @AussiePear
    Well done, such an amazing step you took today - saying bye to your club membership card.
    There is also a self-exclusion program which bans you from accessing venues if you are interested.
    Call Gambler’s Help on 1800 858 858 for the detail.

    Yes, always remember one step a day. Keep on going AussiPear.
    1 x
    AussiePear
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:56 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:33 pm

    Thanks was a good feeling watching the work skip bin get emptied knowing those cards were in there.
    I am opening up here but in all honesty I don’t know if I could bring myself to self exclude. I know this sounds like an excuse but I’m actually so shy. Feels good to be here so I will stick here for now ☺️
    1 x
    AussiePear
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:56 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Tue Aug 20, 2019 7:40 pm

    Day 3
    Doesn’t get any easier. Still feeling like poop. I haven’t gambled, I don’t want to gamble but I just can’t shake the pure disgust of what I’ve done. Think I’m just tired from overthinking it all. Least work n kids are keeping me busy and on my toes x
    2 x
    AussiePear
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:56 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:01 pm

    Day 4.
    My day off. Did the groceries and actually took time to look and see and grab what only we need. We waste alot of money on food and food wastage from me just throwing whatever in the trolley.
    Seeing the money value of every cent I’m spending is what I’m going to focus on for now, if I’m not going to use it this week, I’m not buying it.
    Still no desire to go gamble, still angry at myself, I’ve read from other posts it’s once u hit the 3 month gamble free u feel less self hatred. So by Christmas I hope I’m bloody happier inside. X
    3 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 318
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:01 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:43 pm

    Good on you @AussiePear

    Some great strategies! Keep up the great work.

    Remember to remain patient and most of all be kind to yourself.
    2 x
    AussiePear
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:56 pm

    Re: Pears diary

    Thu Aug 22, 2019 11:36 am

    Day 5
    Today is a day where I usually gamble at night time. I’d be lying if i didn’t say I had the urge to go.
    But I won’t, i keep reminding myself. I don’t want to be that person anymore. This addiction just has to stop. No more excuses. No huge win is gonna bring back the hours I’ve wasted, from my family and the Money I’ve wasted. Not one single cent or free spin could replace what I’ve done or lost.
    I still haven’t told my husband how Im trying to stop gambling. This many sound stupid. But I’ve made so many broken promises to him over the years. Im not gonna give him false hope yet again.
    Today I feel the urge but nope, not going to gamble.
    X
    2 x

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