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My Journey

Posted: Tue May 28, 2019 11:57 pm
by jessm86
Hi all, I wanted to join this forum as I believe telling my story will help me along my journey and hopefully one day help someone else trying to get through this horrible addiction.

I will start from the beginning
Gambling for me was always seen as a normal thing to do. Both my parents are compulsive gamblers and as a child I can remember every pay day my parents heading out for a night out at the local club. So when I turned 18 they took me along to play the machines... I loved it!!!!
From then on every pay day I would take myself to the club, as I believed I deserved it, after all I had worked hard for my money. It didn't take long for me to start becoming anti social and heading out by myself to gamble.
At the age of 21, I had an excellent job as a store manager. Being the manager came with responsibility and that included being in charge of lots of cash. It started as, "I will just borrow $50 and put it back when I get paid". And I did. for the next few years I "borrowed" money from work and replaced it un noticed. but eventually, $50 turned into $100, $200 and sometimes more. As you can guess I lost my job, but not only did I lose my job, I lost my reputation and that is something that still shames me today. You would think that this would be the wake up call and that I needed help. I knew I needed help, but the truth is, I still enjoyed gambling and didn't want help. I am now 32, and almost 10 years on, I am still so ashamed of myself.
Over the years my gambling got worse, I was gambling every opportunity I got. My bets became bigger. Some times I would spend over $1000 in a day and it still wasn't enough. I was constantly lying to family and friends to borrow money, racked up thousands and thousands of dollars in debt.
At the end of last year I seen a counselor for the very first time. My counselor advised me to self exclude. I didn't like this idea and found every excuse under the sun as to why I couldn't do that. Fortunately, she seen right through me. So I self excluded from 90% of clubs within 100kms of where I live.
Week 1 of my self exclusion I gambled online.
week 3 I closed down my online account.
I went 2 whole months without gambling, something I never thought I could do. Then I went on holidays with a friend and ended up at the casino - back to square fkn 1
It has since been a rollercoaster.
I truly believe this is something that will never go away for me and I will have to work at staying gamble free every day for the rest of my life.
I look forward to hearing other stories and hopefully helping each other through this hard shitty road that is life as a compulsive gambler

Re: My Journey

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 1:06 am
by Jimmy0307
I totally here you and your story....
My story spans many years, parents losing everything and many failed attempts. This is the first time I have tried the peer thing of others helping others and really hope this could be the way I stop.
They say change is a journey better shared.

Re: My Journey

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 8:12 pm
by JinxyWolf
Hi Jess and Welcome,

Yes it is a tough journey that we are on but not an impossible one. I know it i hard to believe right now but there is a light at the end of this journey and although gambling is something you will always have to be aware of it doesn't have to be at the forefront of everyday life. Once the fog lifts and you start to see what your world could be without gambling, you will find that life takes over and thoughts of gambling will be relegated to the occasional fleeting thought that's here one moment and gone a second later.

I myself am 2 1/2 years gamble free, something that seemed so impossible to me when I was in the thick of this addiction. Gambling rarely enters my mind these days and on the odd occasion it does it's gone in a second. I still visit this forum occasionally to ground myself and remember why staying gamble free is so important.

I wish you all the best on your journey and know that we all deserve a gamble free future.

JinxyWolf

Re: My Journey

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 11:28 pm
by jessm86
Thanks for the reply's
I have taken the 100 day challenge
I am now 59 days gamble free!!!
Feeling more positive than ever and although this is something I know I will have to work at for the rest of my life, every day gets so much easier.
Wish you all well xx

Re: My Journey

Posted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 7:40 am
by TimTam
Well done @jessm86 !!!
59 days is fantastic

Re: My Journey

Posted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 5:10 pm
by needing help
Hi Jess,

Your story felt too familiar. You have inspired me to speak up seek help. I hope youre going well!

You got this!

Re: My Journey

Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:30 pm
by Linda6
Hi Jess

You and I are in the same boat and like you I have taken up the 100 day challenge.

Your story runs the along the same lines as mine and what started out as a fun activity became a gut churning weekly struggle every time I got paid off for a wee gamble and yip a weeks pay gone in an hour and for what an unrealistic desire to win big, which is how I got suckered in!

But I have not gambled in 2 weeks and I have a few hundred in the bank that is all mine to do what I want with it, so I trying not to waste it :);

So I want to pass on my good wishes to you and I want you to know that you are not alone and one pay day at a time:)

Take care - L

Re: My Journey

Posted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 7:50 pm
by jessm86
Hi @@Linda6 ,
Glad to hear you are doing well.
Keep up the good work 2 weeks is an awesome start. For me the first 2 weeks were probably the hardest and every day definitely gets easier.
Gambling used to be the last thing I thought of before going to sleep and the first thing I thought of in the morning, it consumed me. I still think about it occasionally but not in the same way I once did. Have you watched Ka-ching! pokie nation? A great documentary that really helped me understand this addiction and start looking at machines differently.
Take care
Jess