Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

This forum is designed for you to chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your ongoing recovery. Take us all on your road to recovery!

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby dragon007 (facilitator) » Sun Jul 01, 2018 11:42 am

Hi suz-free

Well done on your 14 days.

I found a documentary called Ka-ching Pokie nation really eye opening when it comes to electronic gaming machines, you can find parts of it on Youtube.

dragon007
facilitator
dragon007 (facilitator)
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:07 am

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Wed Jun 27, 2018 5:04 pm

Wow, day 14 here & have not gone pokies in the last 2 weeks. So far I've had 2 urges. One was today while out at shops but I kept reminding myself I'm so sick of losing, it worked and then the urge left me. A tear came upon me because I'm still struggling with finances today thanks to the big blow of money lost 2 weeks ago & last 5 years to those rotten machines. I ran out of money today due to a pay day loan coming out. Lucky I have a partner who will help me with a bit if I need it. I needed to eat some late lunch today and had a migraine come on while out. I asked him to transfer me 20, enough for my migraine pills & food to eat. So I'm still feeling sad about finances but on the flip side, hopefully my finances will improve now that I've made a choice not to gamble it
suz-free
Senior Member
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:41 pm
Location: Tasmania

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Wed Jun 20, 2018 1:34 pm

Hi Catherine,
yes, we can do this together. I understand totally how you feel. This morning I said out "I hate the pokies". I'm feeling stronger today, I'm expecting that the urges might creep in with this challenge but I've had enough - I'm suffering so much in my finances since blowing a lot of it 7 days ago & in the past 5 years.
I've had to take out a small loan, & burrow from partner & from my family some cash to help me this week. If I didn't have my family I'm not sure where I'd be, maybe homeless on the streets! It's such a warning sign that I need to urgently stop gambling & work on myself.
My advice is to say every day that you hate the pokies too, remind yourself of the losses it causes & that you can't get it back. Start each day as a new day to becoming stronger.
Suzy at day 7
suz-free
Senior Member
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:41 pm
Location: Tasmania

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby Catherine1 » Tue Jun 19, 2018 8:17 pm

Suzy. I am also sick of this merry go round. Unfortunately over quite a few years I continually get on and get off the merry go round but I am completely fed up with it. I need to completely get off this merry go round for good. Lets do this together. I am back at Day 2 since falling of the wagon on Sunday. I am so annoyed and disappointed with myself. I unfortunately play this day over and over in my head. I have to realise I wont be getting my money back so I need to forget about it and move on. All the best with your challenge.
Catherine1
Senior Member
 
Posts: 144
Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2014 9:19 am

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:47 pm

Day 6. Having coffee right now in Hobart town. Thinking of all of us here at GH. Some have got it so tough right now, some are at the beginning of their journey, others in the middle, & others at the end & overcome this battle. For me, I'm at the beginning so I still have a long road ahead but staying positive. I can do this :)
suz-free
Senior Member
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:41 pm
Location: Tasmania

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:46 pm

Day 5 has almost ended. All is good, put my loan to good use & did not gamble it. A quick urge did cross my mind while out today at shops but I ignored the urge as told myself, I can't lose this loan, not going there, that worked. Just got to keep reminding myself of all those terrible losses & that it's best to stay away from those bad places of misery.
suz-free
Senior Member
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:41 pm
Location: Tasmania

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Fri Jun 15, 2018 9:42 pm

Thank you Buttercup & Mona. My determination is higher than ever to beat it. Day 2 has ended, with only 10 in my bank it was quite easy to stay home anyway. Monday will be the real test. I'm trying to not take pay day loans out due to gambling them but I took one tonight for Monday. I've told myself the loan is strictly for some things I need to pay off & my emergencies next week of food. I have no desire to gamble it. Should an urge try to hit me next week when I'm out, I've got some plans to tackle it. I will not step foot in the venues, go to shop toilet if I need to go. I will talk myself out of gambling & remind myself that I'm not losing anymore than what I already had lost in past.
suz-free
Senior Member
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:41 pm
Location: Tasmania

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby Mona58 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:44 am

You CAN do this Suzy! Keep fighting!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
Senior Member
 
Posts: 873
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:44 am

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby buttercup (facilitator) » Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:29 am

suz-free wrote:Thank you flipper. Well, this is so embarrassing but I had another repeat today at a different venue! So yes, definitely time to find a new bathroom. It seems that which ever venue I step in, they are bad news. I actually am now hating these places so much. They have robbed me completely & stolen my mind lately. So time to listen to my heart. After many tears tonight & feeling the worst, I'm also positive that I'm ready. Once again I'm so embarrassed of how I went there again, but perhaps I needed the repeat to confirm that I'm so done with them. They can stick it, the venues & the machines! No more manipulation or temptation to go. Day 1 starts again...


Hi there Suz Free;
Bring on day one!!, no matter how many times you fall into gambling, everyday is a new day and a new fight to be fought. Garner your strength and keep fighting, it gets easier, making a plan is also super useful. So for example planning ahead and identifying where the nearest toilets are when you first go shopping will be useful when you have to go so that you can choose a safer option for yourself rather than use a gambling venue. Still, keep your focus, it sounds like you are insightful and committed to breaking free one day you will realize that you are no longer vulnerable to the pokies and are able to go to the venues and not gamble. But until then, safety first :).
Buttercup
buttercup (facilitator)
Junior Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:28 pm

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Wed Jun 13, 2018 8:52 pm

Thank you flipper. Well, this is so embarrassing but I had another repeat today at a different venue! So yes, definitely time to find a new bathroom. It seems that which ever venue I step in, they are bad news. I actually am now hating these places so much. They have robbed me completely & stolen my mind lately. So time to listen to my heart. After many tears tonight & feeling the worst, I'm also positive that I'm ready. Perhaps I needed the repeat to confirm that I'm so done with them. They can stick it, the venues & the machines! No more manipulation or temptation to go. Day 1 starts again...
Last edited by suz-free on Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
suz-free
Senior Member
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:41 pm
Location: Tasmania

Next

Return to Your Diary of Recovery

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest