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The beginning

Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 10:28 pm
by Ryzah9
My name is Ryan, I am 24 and work part time while I study. So over the past 2 days I relapsed... and badly. I had been without gambling for nearly 6 months and today that all changed. Recently I managed to claim a nice pay out from an ongoing lawsuit I was involved in and I had managed to save up a nice amount of money for a holiday I had been planning come January but today was a new day, a dark day. I lost nearly all of it, I was making bets I wouldnt had ever thought I could make previously in order to try and 'make back my losses' as I was bound for a win soon right? Well no, it never come and now I have got less that one 6th of what I had saved up and in my bank at the beginning of the day. I couldnt stop... only until I had a meltdown after my last loss and absolutely freaked out, asking myself what have I done? Why am I doing this? What kind of person am I? And now as I type this out my ever so amazing girlfriend messages me and asks how I am going, oblivious to the fact.

So here I am, practically with nothing, scared, tired and feeling absolutely helpless. Day 1 of a journey that I feel will be a long yet lonely one.
If anyone has any ideas or helpful messages for me I am all ears, it cant get any worse than this right?

Re: The beginning

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:51 am
by Mona58
Hi Ryan

It is not easy to know what to say. You know what you have to do. Gambling is programmed to be addictive. It is a trap we cannot get out of once we fall into it...our only solution is to stop completely. And we need to be on our guard all our life. You are young and have your whole life ahead.

Read posts, read about problem gambling, Keep posting. Others will pop in now and then to offer advice. l am still learning to stay gamble free and it is ok now but am still a bit scared of paydays. Paydays send me into a frenzy of emotions by learning to accept them they ease after a short time... however it doesn't feel short when they happen.

See a counsellor at Uni. Ring the Gambling Help Hotline 1800 858 858 if you have to,

Try not to dwell on what is gone and look to the future . You had done well those 6 months and you will again. Gambling does not define you as a person.

Stay strong and Keep posting it does help

Mona in day 38 GF

Re: The beginning

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2017 7:58 pm
by Catherine1
To Ryan,

We have all been where you are today, after a huge binge. That sick in the guts feeling when you have blown a huge amount of dough. Its almost senseless to think I earn $37 an hour at work but in the past could blow $1000 in an hour on the pokies. When you are thinking logically this doesnt make sense. The trouble is when you are in pokie mode, you dont seem to have any sense. I have been trying to give up for a few months now. It isnt easy but i can tell you it is so worth it. All i can suggest is limit your access to cash. No cash = no play. I have reduced all my atm withdrawl limits to $100. Unfortunately you cant get your holiday money back. You will need to forget about your loss so you can move forward. The good thing is that you are still young and can stop this before it ruins your life. All the best with your challenge. If you come to this site often, it makes to realise you are not the only person going through this. This site can give you a lot of support, especially if you are not willing to tell someone close to you about your gambling problems.

Re: The beginning

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:43 am
by Jeddie
How are you going Ryan, keep talking to us so we can all support you. Nothing is as bad as when you first joined us here. You are amongs a whole lot of friends and people who understand how you feel. I personally don't understand such big losses but many people here will know how you are feeling. Hope to hear from you soon.

63 days GF

Re: The beginning

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:45 am
by Jeddie
Also you are absolutely not lonely when you are on here. It's a great forum and always someone on to cry/laugh/celebrate with

Re: The beginning

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:06 pm
by Ryzah9
Well today marks 2 weeks and still clean! Thats the good news, bad news is, today is my first pay day and I find it very unpleasant how much the urge is kicking in especially now that I have actually noticed the money come into my account. I know I cant gamble... not only am I excluded from what I'd say is, 'every' online betting platform but its also not the time, I need to abstain and stay on this new path.
I am waking up with more of a sense of purpose, I know I have to get back to the grind and work my *** off and try to value every dollar. I have even began to budget my money rather tightly in the hope I can save up some money to make my holiday possible.
I am very grateful of you all posting on here! Its nice to know someone has my back

Re: The beginning

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:05 pm
by Mona58
Hi Ryzah '

Good of you to pop in let us know how your doing. Yes those urges are really hard at the beginning. Whatever you think don't give in to them. Keep thinking how much better off you will be without gambling... that sense of purpose will soon override the urges.

The journey doesn't have to be a lonely one.. Ring Gamb helpline if it gets overwhelming. Letting it out helps take some stress off. Theres a lot of help out there. Gamblers Anonymous meetings are good places to meet other understanding people, I do understand it may not suit everyone. But everything is worth a try.

Well done on 2 weeks! Thats fabulous.

Keep strong!

Mona in day 53 GF

Re: The beginning

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:07 pm
by Springhope17
Hi there,

Its great that you have something to work towards! Trying to save as much as possible for the holiday, Every time you get the urge start thinking about the holiday and when you lose which we all do in the end then that wont be able to happen.

Great work on 2 weeks! Remain strong and dont give in to those urges!

Re: The beginning

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2017 11:53 am
by Jerry (facilitator)
Keep up the good work.

Keep that holiday in mind. You CAN save and reap the rewards.

Re: The beginning

Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2017 11:45 pm
by Maro
This is my first time here i need to change i feel like im letting down everyone in my life and just want to make them proud again i am not able to control it anymore and dont know where to start