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  • fresh start

    This forum is designed for you to chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your oning recovery. Take us all on your road to recovery!
    Peter
    Member
    Posts: 60
    Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 4:57 pm

    Re: fresh start

    Mon Jun 20, 2016 10:25 am

    Hey there Edward,

    On your very first post you wrote - "I have a great wife who does not deserve me wasting our hard earned money im tired of lying to her". You still haven't told her so in effect you are still lying to her. If you love her you have to be honest to her and honest to yourself. If your parents have known about your gambling addiction without being honest to other family members then they too are lying to the rest of the family. What is the benefit of you all lying to each other? Protection? Shame? Deceit? Things will get better if we just keep quiet about it? What possible benefit can you get from treating each other so cruelly?

    Addicts tend to live in the shadows so that their actions aren't detected and that is the pattern of your behaviour right now Edward, and sadly your parents are supporting this behaviour.

    So what happens when you tell your wife and her family EXACTLY what you are going through in your life? Don't you think that they love you enough to stand by you and help you now that you need their love and help the most? Well you better find out real soon because a lot of people will be hurt when the truth does come out and it's not from you.

    You have made the initial step by admitting that you have a gambling addiction. You have spoken with your Mother & Father only, and that just might be because you knew how they would behave, don't know. But you have a decision to make to be honest with your wife and her family and that is the very real step forward for you in your rehabilitation. All strength to you Edward.
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    pillz
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:23 am

    Re: fresh start

    Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:54 am

    I'm also 40+, please don't wait like I have, address it now, see a Counsellor. I wish I had a lot sooner. This is a dead end street, causes a lot of heart ache. I always remember reading a poster in my boss' office "Don't Gamble with your Health" now I know what that means. It catches up with you, it causes incredible stress, depression and ruins relationships, lives everything.
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    Peter
    Member
    Posts: 60
    Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 4:57 pm

    Re: fresh start

    Tue Jun 21, 2016 8:18 am

    Hey there Pillz...are you OK? You're up pretty early/late?
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    Charlotte (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 9:53 am

    Re: fresh start

    Tue Jun 21, 2016 3:34 pm

    Hi Edward,

    welcome to the forum and good on you for taking the step towards getting support for your gambling. It sounds like you've reached 20 days without gambling, which is terrific. It sounds like you've put some preliminary strategies in place and that you recognise some risk times i.e., being on your own.... I'm wondering how you might tackle this in the long term? Do other community members have strategies for when they're on their own? It's good to have an arsenal of activities so that you always have something tom fall back on.

    Peter, I acknowledge what you've said to Edward about telling his wife and family, and I would agree that honesty and transparency are the best way forward - however, I also believe that people can be supported in the decisions they make around who they tell and when they tell them. It's not an easy thing to do, and can sometimes take time to work up to. What do other people think?

    All the best,

    Charlotte
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    pillz
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:23 am

    Re: fresh start

    Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:21 am

    Simon wrote:Hi Edward,

    Similar to Shashfor's comment, I too am in my 40's and wish I had done something about it at 23. It's great that you are getting help now, you should use me as a cautionary tale as to what can happen if you don't address it! All the best mate, it helps to come to this site and read other peoples stories and comments.
    Yes it spirals out of control very easily and leads you into a very dark place. Thankfully we have these wonderful counsellors to help us. I highly recommend you don't wait, address it now, the counsellors are so understanding, best thing I've ever done. Stay strong.
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    pillz
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:23 am

    Re: fresh start

    Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:25 am

    Peter wrote:Hey there Pillz...are you OK? You're up pretty early/late?
    Thanks Peter, yes I'm doing well, nearly a month since I gambled, getting help and best thing I've done in ages, feel like a different person, feel like I'm finally getting "free" of this awful trap. Thanks for asking. How are you going?
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    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1610
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: fresh start

    Wed Jun 22, 2016 9:03 am

    Hi Charlotte..I agree about how when and who we tell about our addiction..I told my partner straight up when I started counselling and it was hard but I felt he needed to know from the beginning..my eldest son I told a couple of months in as he always suspected I had a problem and I have told no-one else mainly because my family all live interstate and they would not understand.but..I am planning on telling my sister as I am proud of my achievment and want to share it.will she understand ?no , but she will hear me out when I see her later this year..non gamblers dont see the attraction we feel and the power over us they have....we all have a story and it is not mandatory we tell everyone ..that can come with time..power to us
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    Peter
    Member
    Posts: 60
    Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 4:57 pm

    Re: fresh start

    Wed Jun 22, 2016 11:08 am

    Hey there Pillz,

    I'm travelling as well as I can be, no complaints, thanks for asking. Had my session with my counsellor on Tues and things are a lot easier to understand. Each session is another piece of education in understanding motives / drive / thought processes / actions etc. He also is very conversant on the gambling industry statistics which is invaluable to understand just how futile it is to expect a "winning outcome" when gambling in any form. If we all completely understood and accepted how biased the odds / chances (same thing I know) are against a person gambling NO ONE WOULD SPEND ONE DOLLAR on gambling. My fault along with a quite a few others is that we think we are exceptions to the cold hard facts. I had accepted that position a long time ago but relapsed a few weeks back...why??? Only in my mind did it seem like a good idea. Had two events pretty close to each other and have come out confused as to why after so much time away did I choose to gamble on those two particular days. But I'm smiling again because I have no urge / need / want to gamble and hopefully can help others where I can as much as I can. Strength to y'all.
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    pillz
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:23 am

    Re: fresh start

    Thu Jun 23, 2016 12:37 am

    I agree Peter, the counselling helps so much, I wish I had gone much earlier, it explains how these awful machines get inside of our heads and sadly are designed to do that. I wish I had started the counselling earlier but you always think, this time it will be different, however it never is. I feel so much better, I don't wake up sad and angry with myself. I realise now it wasn't just money I was chasing, what I was really chasing was the "thrill" of a win, but it's never enough and continually we return until all the wins have gone. I have another counselling session next week. These machines are just so dangerous, and too accessible, land based and online, both massive problems, and even worse now than when I started playing (with all the online stuff). I wish pokies venues had never been introduced and all advertising was banned. More needs to be done. Stay strong, we can do this.
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    Kim
    Senior Member
    Posts: 116
    Joined: Sun Sep 27, 2015 7:25 pm

    Re: fresh start

    Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:01 am

    Hi Edward it sounds like you're doing very well so far. 3 weeks without gambling and it's a credit to you that you have recognised there is a problem. It took me many years I. E. 40 years old to see that I had an issue. I think it's great that you have such insight already. I can understand you have fears of telling your wife. It takes a great deal of courage. However it is a relief to remove the burden and the constant covering up once you do tell the person closest to you. But I understand as I was in the same position with my partner 3 years ago and had to fess up about spending 8 thousand of our shared savings. Once I told him he was supportive and it allowed an opening to get help, start counselling which is what I really needed. If I had told him sooner it would have been better and I'd be even further ahead..the change in me now to what I was say 5 years ago is incredible and I'm so much happier a person but that's all hindsight. I'm just happy I finally did tell him. Keep coming here as it's the best thing to do and in your own time it will help you to make a decision that is right for you in regards to telling your wife.
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