Welcome to our online peer support community!
This is a place for anyone affected by problems relating to gambling - those with lived experience & friends and family.

  • Share your experience & strategies.
  • Connect, be inspired, motivate others.
  • Safe. Confidential. Professionally moderated. Free of judgement.

    Join the discussion today!
  • Advice please

    This forum is designed for you to chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your oning recovery. Take us all on your road to recovery!
    Suzy
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2012 11:31 am

    Advice please

    Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:29 pm

    Hi, I'm new to all this but wanted to share my story here. I haven't gambled for 63 days after having a problem with the pokies for 12 years. Am feeling great but nervous about slipping up..... yesterday I went had a drink with my husband at the club. It's the first time I've been in there since I stopped. My husband suggested it and I have been talking with my counselor about building up to having a go at going in. My counselor and I have been talking about doing it step by step and am not sure if I should have gone yesterday. Any feedback would be great to hear. Am terrified I've done the wrong thing...
    0 x
    User avatar
    dittogirl
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2012 11:43 am

    RE: Advice please

    Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:18 am

    Hey Suzy

    how did it go? you don't say what it was like when you went? Did it go ok or did you feel like gambling?
    0 x
    Daniel
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2012 8:18 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Mon Nov 26, 2012 8:56 pm

    Hi Suzy,

    Just read about going near a venue again...and hopefully your husband would understand that it isn't a great idea..actually, its a terrible idea!! Sorry to sound so harsh but the temptation will continue to be there if you are exposed to it. Get him to take you to a coffee shop, see a band, go to a movie but please avoid the pokies or anywhere near there.

    I found the best way to stop gambling was to find an alternative hobby...think of all the hours you spent gambling and what you could do now. Read books, exercise, absorb yourself in your other interests. Another way to potentially stop gambling is to go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting and listen to the stories. You will not be judged, you will be welcomed like a friend and you will see the similiarities in what you have done and what others are doing.

    Hope that helps.

    Dan
    0 x
    Chris2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 21
    Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2012 7:27 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Sun Dec 30, 2012 8:38 pm

    Hi Suzi I agree with Dan. Unfortunately it is best to abstain totally. I often stopped gambling and felt I was on the road to recovery and well meaning friends would want to go for a drink. Deep inside especially in the early years of recovery the feeling is still there. I started again when my ex who unbeknown to me had himself been a big gamble wanted to go to the club. I avoided it at first but the smell, the sounds and the atmosphere still stirred old urges and I returned after we broke up not long after. So I believe that it is best to try and do as what Dan suggested, go somewhere else and keep your motivation high. This happened to me this year and most recently I totally lost control bigger than ever before. I actually went further and self excluded from the club this time realising I need to stay away. Taking that step and explaining that to those I care about feels right and everyone understands because there is great effort there to help yourself through the difficult times and I myself have realised that anything as soul destroying as problem gambling and the devastating consequences is worth pulling out all stops necessary to stay on the healing path.
    0 x
    User avatar
    Bull
    Member
    Posts: 53
    Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:53 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Fri Jan 18, 2013 10:33 am

    I found abstaining a little too hard actually. It may be different because I play poker so that could be different. I play every now and then but there certainly was a point that I was playing too much!

    How have you managed to stay abstinent Chris? I don't think I'd have the strength too...
    0 x
    Chris2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 21
    Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2012 7:27 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Tue Jan 29, 2013 9:24 pm

    Hi Bull, I have to say that yes I have managed to stay abstinent and each day that passes where I stop and think about my gambling I am glad that there has been help out there which I reached ou tfor and feel better about myself. There have been times I felt down and urges came but the fact that I self excluded from the club pulls my thoughts right back to knowing I cannot easily slip in there on the way home and reminds me of how devastated I felt the day I felt the need to self exclude. You could say I can go somewhere else but in my case it was a only a few local easily accessible and comfort zone clubs that pulled me in and then Id zone out. I think where and what you gamble makes what works for some different? What I can say is that reaching out and committing to a few sessions of counceling and getting the facts and education about the true facts about gambling, challenging my thoughts and beliefs by talking to my councellor, and sharing and talking about it online like now, has helped me get out of my head and take control of my thoughts and life. So far so good. I started the year making a committment to a few simple goals and I have been abstinent for over a few months. I remember trying and convincing myself that controlled gambling was ok for me but the problem was that unless you really understand what drives you, once there it is too easy for logical thinking to go out the door when you get in to the zone;it is best to try to abstain to regain your sense of self awareness of your life, the need to gamble and to trully recover. Self exclusion has made a difference to me at the moment fingers crossed! I just try doing other things focussing on another long forgotten healthier hobby and simply sitting with it when I feel down or bored till the feeling subsides which it does eventually.One learns alot about themselves this way.

    I guess the question one has to ask themselves (as the councellor asked me) what do I believe I can win from my, gambling and how likely is that to happen, has it happened?and then what happened? I played it all again why? (putting aside praying, rubbing the machine and trying to control the outcome etc) and asking myself how much am I prepared to lose and how much have I lost over time and assessing from there how in control I am and then over and over reeducating myself and my false beliefs about winning until I can see things more clearly and recover and move forward.

    Best of luck in your recovery

    Chris
    0 x
    User avatar
    Angelina.
    Senior Member
    Posts: 326
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 12:43 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Wed Feb 27, 2013 12:19 am

    I really enjoyed reading your response Chris, particularly in regards to the comment about 'logical thinking going out the door' when in a venue and in asking yourself 'what you believe you can win from gambling'...thanks for sharing : ) ...
    0 x
    User avatar
    Bull
    Member
    Posts: 53
    Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:53 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Wed Feb 27, 2013 11:47 am

    I guess the question one has to ask themselves (as the councellor asked me) what do I believe I can win from my, gambling and how likely is that to happen, has it happened?and then what happened? I played it all again why? (putting aside praying, rubbing the machine and trying to control the outcome etc) and asking myself how much am I prepared to lose and how much have I lost over time and assessing from there how in control I am and then over and over reeducating myself and my false beliefs about winning until I can see things more clearly and recover and move forward.

    Best of luck in your recovery

    Chris
    Hi Chris. Thanks for your reply mate, much appreciated. I kinda agree with it all too and sounds like you're onto something.

    With the thoughts and whether I can win... well this is the thing that I have struggled with myself. I realise you cannot win with pokies, with roulette, with black jack, with anything basically where you're playing against the house. I play poker, and the grounds are different because you don't play against the house, you play against peers where technically the odds are not necessarily against you.

    What I struggle with most is the thought of getting better at what I do. But in the long run I am just losing more money. I wish there was more support out there for poker players because I am struggling to meet all my financial demands given my recent binge a few weeks ago...
    0 x
    kezza
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Wed Mar 20, 2013 7:39 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Thu Mar 21, 2013 7:58 pm

    i got so much from reading your response to this chris, thanks so much, I intend to read it over and over again whenever I get the urge, like what am I doing this for, it is not to win, coz when i do I just put it back in, yep the zone gets me and I cannot be responsible....... and the gambling hangover and the financial mess is makes is just crazy, thanks again
    0 x
    User avatar
    BriM
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 2:05 pm

    RE: Advice please

    Fri Mar 22, 2013 8:43 am

    kezza (21/03/2013)i got so much from reading your response to this chris, thanks so much, I intend to read it over and over again whenever I get the urge, like what am I doing this for, it is not to win, coz when i do I just put it back in, yep the zone gets me and I cannot be responsible....... and the gambling hangover and the financial mess is makes is just crazy, thanks again
    Hey Kezza,

    Yes, I loved reading Chris' posts too. Glad to hear that you've found them so helpful! Really happy that you're here, reading and sharing. We need more people like you

    Hope you're travelling well today,

    Bri
    0 x

    Return to “Your Diary of Recovery”