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  • My story and a start to a hopefully a new gambling free life.

    Chart your progress in working to overcome your gambling concerns and your ongoing recovery. Inspire others & take us all on your road to recovery!
    Smile_again
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:02 pm

    My story and a start to a hopefully a new gambling free life.

    Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:32 pm

    Hi all,

    I am David. 33 years old. I am a chemist with a regular job, a loving family and girlfriend who do not know about my bad habit. We have separate bank accounts and we are planning to buy a house together in the near future.

    A few words on how I everything started.

    I gambled for the first time in 2015. It was online poker. I started because common friends at that time used to play poker and I joined them for some beers and fun times. I played very little money. 20 to 50$ a month. One year later I got more confidence in my gaming skills and, with a friend, I started playing higher stakes. Poker cash game for 500$ a night. I was going to play 4 times a month. Poker was the only card game I used to play.

    I though that playing any casino game other than poker was a waste of money.

    I was winning most of the times I used to play. When I was loosing though, I was loosing all my earnings plus my salary. For 1 year I spent all my income, regularly on poker.

    2017. New job, this friend moved out of the country for work reasons. My urge to gambling was reduced. I started playing 5'000$ a year but I started with some other bad habits (strip clubs): another 15'000$ a year.

    Job was ok, life was ok. I was not even worried about the money I was spending since I was making more than enough to maintain this lifestyle.

    I continued spending in gamblling. I was not really counting the amount of money spent.

    2018. A very particular year. Went to a casino with 200$, for fun and alone. Came home with over 25'000$ playing only blackjack.

    Enough said, from that moment (may 2018). I spent over 100'000$ in blackjack online, in bitcoin casinos and in other casinos.

    In this timeframe of about 4 years of heavy gaming. Today was probably the one that hit me hardest.
    I lost over 20'000$ in 10 minutes, playing online. 20'000$ in 10 minutes. 4 Blackjack hands.

    I am about to buy a house with my girfriend and I need to stop wasting money. Now I have 50'000$ left in my bank account. The journey of keeping this money in the bank and start saving starts today.

    I decided to write this down in order to understand if I can help myself getting out of this miserable situation. Hopefully this will inspire others.

    I plan to write down a small diary every day to keep you updated with my journey. Ideally I would like to stop gambling. I self excluded from most of the gambling websites I know.

    One very important thing. I have a very active mind and I tend to dream and imagine about big wins playing at casino games. These imagined wins keeps me thinking I might win big.
    Indeed I experienced multiple big wins and I was able multiple times to transform 200$ to 10'000$ playing BlackJack. And this possibility keeps me always on the loop of potentially being able to gain back the money I lost by playing one more time.

    Another thing. I self excluded from most of the gambling venues but I am not sure this would be the best thing do do. I would like to be able to control myself.

    Thank you for your time.

    David.
    1 x
    Smile_again
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:02 pm

    Re: My story and a start to a hopefully a new gambling free life.

    Thu Aug 08, 2019 1:16 am

    Day 1. Few hours after I started this diary.

    I was at a very important work meeting. My presentation went well and all people in the room and over the phone were impressed by the work done.
    However, at some point, my mind started thinking about gambling and the amazing feeling that I have when I win at Blackjack.

    I though. What would have happened if, instead of losing my 5'000$ bet, I would have series of winning hands. I even though what I could have done with that money. Is this some feeling you guys feel too?

    Then, time passed and the urge of gambling slightly faded away. It is still there, but I need the little money I have left to purchase the house with my girlfriend.

    Another thought crossed my mind: how about I play very very low stake BlackJack? I wanted to. But I decided not to do today.

    It is very hard not to open that online casino I like playing.

    Davide.
    1 x
    TimTam
    Member
    Posts: 71
    Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2018 9:13 am

    Re: My story and a start to a hopefully a new gambling free life.

    Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:38 am

    Hi @Smile_again

    Welcome to the GHO forums! Glad you have decided to join and share your story. I hope you find some comfort connecting with others in similar situations.
    The urges you talk about are all too common, when you get those urges to gamble, generally you begin to have those gambling thoughts like, "what if I win?" "I could do so much with that winning money."
    At this point you push all of those memories out of your mind of when you lost all your money. All those times you walked away feeling horrible.
    But ask yourself this, if you decide to gamble, or play very low stake Blackjack.... will this cycle ever stop?
    Could you risk losing all your savings and unable to put a deposit on for a house?
    Some food for thought...

    All the best David,

    Tim Tam
    0 x
    Smile_again
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 9:02 pm

    Re: My story and a start to a hopefully a new gambling free life.

    Thu Aug 08, 2019 4:53 pm

    Second day of my diary.

    First of all, thank you very much Tim for your message. I really appreciate being surrounded by people like you that care about my situation. Your message makes a difference.

    Yesterday I tool my girlfriend out to dinner. I decided to spend the money I would have spent in gaming and put it towards our dinner. It was a great night and I would do it again.
    I asked myself: will this betting cycle ever stop? My answer was. I need to. If I would have a chance to bet in the future I should bet not the money I earn.

    Today, as I woke up, I received an email from an online casino I played recently. I got a bonus of about 5$ for free. I decided to play it. I tested my luck by playing very very low stake BlackJack. I lost the money I was awarded as a bonus. I closed the site and moved on with my day. No harm. I am very happy I did not deposit any money of my own.

    I cannot risk my savings to be able to put a deposit for the house we would like to buy. My savings are at the moment the exact amount of money that we would need to buy it, so I really need to think straight and keep working towards the objective: no gambling with the money I earned.

    I decided to take the self assessment test to understand my profile as a gambler. My score on this self assessment was 17. I am categorized as a 'high-risk' gambler.

    I will keep you updated.
    1 x
    User avatar
    BrittV (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 293
    Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 11:40 am

    Re: My story and a start to a hopefully a new gambling free life.

    Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:17 pm

    Hi @Smile_again sounds like a lovely dinner!

    How are things going for you at the moment?
    1 x

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