Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

What are some strategies when trying to quit or cut down? What works for you?

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby K1 » Tue Apr 30, 2013 11:34 am

Hi Ansert

While reading your post I found myself saying "oh my gosh that sounds like me". It's really helpful to hear that another person can think and do the exact same things. I also cannot bring myself to tell my husband. I'm not sure how he would react. Like you, I am in charge of the finances and wish that was taken away from me. How does one broach the subject without good reason? We have just finished building a new home and I am hoping now that once the final invoices are paid I will run out of excuses for taking money out of our account. I have been adding costs onto invoices so that the balance can be spent on the pokies. I really hate the darn things but struggle to stay away. No amount of knowing that however much I win it will always 100% of the time go straight back in and I will leave the venue with $0 in hand. I used to watch people with a big win just keep playing until there was nothing left and wonder why they didn't just take it out after the big win. Now that is exactly what I do. I think being on this site and sharing thoughts and ideas will really help me. I hope that you have taken a few steps forward.

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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby doug » Fri Mar 29, 2013 1:09 pm

Great Posts people
Doug who's the good dog?
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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Thu Mar 28, 2013 4:04 pm

Hi Bebe,

First thing - don't think you need to do it alone. There are plenty of people out there like us who are similar, and we all know how tough it is. You will get a lot of support here, and there are counsellors who can help, whether it best for you to be online, phone or face to face.

I myself are now only in my second week of reaching out for help, and I've found this site really good and helpful, and everyone is hugely supportive.

If you read through the posts on this site, you'll see that there are a lot of suggestions. Try a few out.

Here's some initial suggestions I've learnt so far:

1. Don't beat yourself up. You are where you are, you've reached out for help, and you obviously want to change. There are plenty of people just like you, and there is plenty of help, starting here.
2. (I haven't done this yet), but there has been a lot of people post here that self-exclusion has worked for them. It has been recommended a lot of times here, and one you should consider (ie. self-exclusion)
3. Remove your access to cash. There are a few suggestions across this site, but if you can't access cash, you can't gamble it. (i.e. no cash and no access to it via credit cards, debit cards etc.)
4. Find something else to do that keeps you occupied, and not bored. Quite a few suggestions across this site also. I'm sure within the next 24 hours a few more will be posted for you to consider.

Good luck. Again most of all - don't think you're alone because you'll find you're clearly not, and there's a lot of people who will want to give you support, as I have found these last two weeks.

Peter
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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby bebe » Thu Mar 28, 2013 1:48 am

this is my first time here.i want to stop gambling.the depression thats come with it after losing your money is bad.i always think i can get it back..i came clean to my hubby.great understanding.but what he doesnt know and nobody else is that i have been back more then i care to count and losted more money.i am so tried of worrying how to more money around to cover this up.the bad thing is the place i gamble at is 10 mins from my house.i thought i could do this alone,but now i know i cant.
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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby ansert » Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:52 pm

Thanks so much for the replies, support and great ideas! I'm thinking about getting my husband to handle the bills, by telling him I think we'd do better if he was in control, it would be a struggle because I am a total control freak but it would make the world of difference.

I had a long online chat to one of the counsellors here last night and already I feel much ''lighter'' from having actually verbalised, or at least typed about it. Carrying something completely on your own always weighs heavier. I had a great day of socialising and pampering, and that's what I need to do more of! I am self employed still but in a different kind of role so I don't receive cash anymore so that's something!

I will think about the transferring of money, and how best to set it up, access to cash is my MAIN problem so I need to reduce that access.

Have a great weekend everyone and enjoy your time with fun and games, just not the electronic kind
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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby BriM » Fri Mar 22, 2013 11:49 am

Hi Ansert,

My name's Bri and I'm one of the facilitators/administrators on the site. Welcome to the Forum, you've come to the right place!

Thanks also to everyone for your amazingly helpful and thoughtful responses - as you'll note I've moved this thread to the 'Strategies for Change' sub-forum as that's where this thread is taking us, which is GREAT!

Am loving reading your tips and feeling warm and fuzzy with the support that is in abundance!

Bri

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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:21 am

Hi Ansert,

You've definitely made a first great step, and you are definitely not alone. There are a lot of people out there in similar situations as ours, and you do get some great support and feedback on this site.

I'm still less than a week into making a decision to quit. I'm trying to liken it to when I was a heavy smoker - I 'tried' to give up a lot of times, and failed, and it wasn't until I made the decision that I REALLY wanted to give up that I was successful. I hope it's the same for me with gambling. I'm pretty sure in my head I've decided I really want to give up.

I'm trying to break it down to make it not too overwhelming, because when I think too much about it, it does my head in. So I've documented some actions on my first steps, which are:

1. Get Support - In my case its support of my wife, friend, this site, and likely use a counsellor


2. Find alternates to keep me occupied and not tempted. I liked Popeye's suggestion on a massage (takes time, costs less than gambling and I always feel better after one). I've asked my wife to join me in trying new activities - not sure what they are yet, but looking to anything that is:
a. fun
b. time consuming
c. Social (doesn't always need to be social, could just be me, or me and my wife, but social for me with friends is good)
d. Nowhere near a gambling venue

3. I especially agree with Popeye's statement about access to cash. Although this may not be 100% practical in my case. My wife loves convenience, so I'm going to try something different that was suggested to me (as a compromise).
a. Open a bank account at a different bank to where my accounts and cards currently are, and get a debit card only. (I'm using NAB as there are no fees regardless of how many transactions, and they've just introduced a 'money tracker' where you can set up a budget and it tracks your transactions/spending against the budget automatically - assuming you use your debit card for all transactions and don't just make cash withdrawals). This will be the transactional account for me and my wife who has 100% access, so I can't spend all the money.
b. Set up an automatic transfer from your account the pay goes into, to the new account (in my case the NAB account) of only how much you need for normal living expenses (this includes bills) - if you run out of money in a week, you need to wait for the next automatic transfer. I've got to think of it as my weekly pay, and that's all I now earn.
c. Set up automatic payments to pay your Mortgage, Credit Cards etc.. from your pay account
d. Don't allow yourself access to the pay account again, or make it require two signatures for withdrawal
e. Freeze your credit cards, so you can't use them
f. Because it's out of site, out of mind, the pay account balance should keep increasing

I have no idea if the above will work, but going to give it a go.

Good luck with your journey. Look forward to hear your future successes.

Peter
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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby POPEYE » Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:57 pm

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Last edited by POPEYE on Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby ansert » Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:14 pm

Hi there

This is my first post but something about your original post ''spoke'' to me - I had been in business for many years and unfortunately that meant having access to a lot of cash, until a few years ago I would never spend more than 20 dollars, and once that was gone would walk away. Then my last business started to be so stressful as I could see I was steadily getting further in debt. Instead of making me save more, it had the opposite affect and I starting spending more and more on the pokies, and in the beginning would win large amounts of money. One day I just put the whole lot back in and that has now become my habit, win sometimes but always put it back in and not be satisfied until it's all gone.

I think it was a combination of the stress of the business, the guilt that I was going to lose my inheritance and eventually our house that caused me to lose control. It seems the worse things are the more I gamble, and for a smart person that seems insane! We have always earned good money but now we have nothing except credit card debt, partly because of the business but in this past couple of years, mostly because of the gambling.

My husband leaves all the finances up to me and I wish that wasn't the case because I don't want access to money! I can't tell him, he knows I have gambled high amounts in the past but he thinks that now we are essentially broke I don't do it and I can't bring myself to tell him.

So it's time to get my **** together, stop this habit and realise the destruction it is causing to my family. I have never ever spoken to anyone about it, it's my guilty secret and that makes it worse. I spend all my time juggling money and there have been times we don't have a dollar until we are paid, and considering we bring in about 12k a month, it's just insane insane insane!!

I am hoping that by making myself accountable, even anonymously, will get this ''out in the open'' even if it's just being accountable to the members here.

We both have good jobs, I want to get us back on track before it's too late and ease the stress I am causing everyone, including myself.

I want to check in and talk about how I am feeling in the hope it will keep me communicating, instead of gambling! If I can get on top of it I want to set up an account where I can put the majority of our money each month and not access it, then make payments to the Credit Cards straight from there, not sure how I can do that but perhaps put the card somewhere I can't get it and just transfer over the net, will have to think about that one!

I know how happy it will make my husband if there is always money in the account, like it used to be - feeling excited about that! Up till now I have considered I should be smart enough to just stop, but that isn't working so I need strategies.

Thanks for reading
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RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Wed Mar 20, 2013 5:41 pm

Hi Popeye,

Thanks - some good suggestions.

Looking at a couple of different consolidation options that get rid of my credit cards. If not, the reducing of credit limit at the point of each monthly payment could be a good option. If it's not available, I can't spend it.

I think at this point I certainly need an out of sight out of mind option with any 'available' balance I have.

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