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Payday blues...

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jan 22, 2018 8:06 pm

Thank you Jeddie, Menz and DFP

l could not have done it without your support and encouragement. And all the people who had posted and shared their stories. This forum have inspired and motivated me. Helped me learn to understand how gambling works and how it destroys life.

I know I've still got a long way to go and will always have to stay one step ahead of the gamble demon... eventually I'll get further away long as I stay strong and stick to the strategies I have in place.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Wed Jan 24, 2018 8:47 am

It was 'payday' yesterday and I'd stopped in the cafe for breakfast. Funny thing is it was somewhat hard to decide what to have! 1/2 a wrap of salmon & salad $5.50 coffee $4.10 and a cake ... I forgot how much that was. I'm just not used to buying food like that and sitting in cafe... but it is something ..A CHANGE ... that I need to remind me that life is great. There is truth in not going shopping on an empty stomach...

On my way home l said to myself don't go to Bunnings! But Mona made me go! ha ha. I've spent the morning planting spinach, cucumber, rocket and snow peas. I am still deciding where to plant the passion fruit. I'd even paid full price for the cucumber and passion fruit the others were 50 cents a punnet!

Having the garden to look after is , I suppose, my way of filling in that void we gamblers get in recovery. l am hoping that when / if I get back to uni it will be a good distraction from the "pressure" of study. Thinking of my garden as my baby fills my maternal instincts I suppose... therefore my life is all falling in place really nicely! I feel really rich and mentally peaceful today!

Please people be strong! Don't give into those pesky urges and keep teIling the gamble demon to F off! Life is meaningful and better without gambling...

Mona on day 102 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:46 pm

l can't believe how fast time goes when busy. I'd made myself and neighbour (home from hospital) breakfast of bacon & eggs. Went outside and started working on the chicken wire trellis for the passion fruit ... sweated like an oink oink but kept telling myself its all good... people pay a lot of money for a sauna! Got too hot so haven't put it on the fence yet. Been reading up on passion fruit online... I think its a bit too late to be planting it from what I've found... nonetheless I'll plant it and learn by trail and error I suppose. l also need to get some offal to bury with it to provide iron... some interesting old fashion tips around... maybe a few gold & silver coins??

Neighbour asked me today how I felt walking past the D-Dens ... and its funny now to think about it as I rarely go that way since being gamble free. Its not because of avoiding the D-Dens but simply because l haven't needed to ... Out of sight out of mind... No I don't think its that easy because the memory still kicks in out of habit ... and l'm very aware that the gamble demon lurks around the corner in actual fact when I actually think about it,. like now and reading relapse stories and stories of newcomers .-.I'm terrified of letting my guard down.

Mona on day 105 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 9:44 am

Day 106

Spent the past hour re-reading posts. Really wish people would post bit more ...as its nice to know how they are travelling... but Oh well ... One can lead a horse to water but can't force it to drink.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Catherine1 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:13 pm

Well done Mona on 106 days GF, I am at 23 days today. So far this weekend has been good. If I keep myself busy I dont have time for gambling thoughts to enter my head. Today, I spent 3 hours in the garden. Busy watering and fertlizing my dahlias. Pruning and weeding. My husband mowed the lawn. I had to take the green waste to the transfer station, as my husband had to go to work. I then made a banana cake (because bananas were cheap at woolworths) and iced chocolate cupcakes. One of my friends fixed my mums hot water tap in the shower and didnt want any money for it, so I decided to make him some cake and drop around to him. Feeling a bit sore as I started step exercise classes last Thursday and did another class on Saturday. I am hoping the hard work starts paying off on the scales. All the best for everyone else doing the challenge.
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:07 pm

Hi Mona, congratulations you are really inspirational. Thought i would pop onto say hi.
Cheers
Sandra
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:27 am

Hi Catherine and Sandra'

I was a bit melancholy yesterday...it was too hot to do anything, so spent much of the time on couch reading on my tablet. I read more old posts. And thought too much,

l sort of have an imagine of some of the people on here. Catherine you are the lady that bakes you make me think of the show "Real housewives!" ...  Sandra your thread is one', among others', that inspired me and gave me some strength to believe I can do it: I read it at 15 days GF! Was so happy to see your posts this morning!

I had a very sleepless night and fought with my mind! It just would not shut up. I had to argue with another demon that was trying to bring me down again by reminding me "how depressing" my life really is and that I'm just "pretending" life is good ....

I Was reminded of some old quote yesterday... " Idle minds are the devils playground "

I have these issues I will need to deal with soon.. and I don't seem as worried about them as I would have had I still been gambling... I'm sounding like an old vinyl record been put on play again! Need to change it!

How's Jeddie? l can't stop thinking about that post where You said you feel like fraud...?? I've been every so often wondering what does she mean by that? It is hard to know what to say to people especially to put it the way DFP and Jinky do ... if that what your meaning,,, you are no fraud! Jeddie be kind to yourself you old duck! lol

Mona on day 107
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 1:34 pm

Hi Mona, you have an amazing sense of humour. I love it:-) we all have those days when our minds won't be quiet. Mine always tend to be negative so i try my best to switch it off if i can!!!

I always think no matter what is going on, if i have one problem, and gamble, then i have 2 problems. Part of our recovery is the journey to discover our authentic selves; sometimes this exciting at others it is tough and hard to face things that we have tried to push down for so long...

Have a great day.

Sandra
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:58 am

Thanks Sandra.

I've been reading posts ...

... had become quiet of mind again. I'm getting more and more like this, and really try hard to hang onto it for as long as I can...

I'd decided to count my days in weeks ... 15 weeks now so every Sunday I'll add a week. A new poster inspired me to mark my GF birthday on my calendar 15th Oct. (Thank you j6617)

This time last year I was so angry and so ashamed of myself.. it was grandsons 4th birthday (2nd Feb) and mine 2 days after ... I'd blown all my payment at the pokies. I'd managed to make it through his party with a fake smile... locked myself at home on my birthday... in tears and disgust. Door bell goes... I didn't answer and pulled the blanket over my head.. Later it went again not expected anyone but neighbour came to door with gift and I told her I wanted to be alone and shut the door on her! ... took a long few months for us to make amends. I'd made her breakfast this morning!...

I'm so glad I Am NOT going to suffer this year... I won't allow it! The only thing I'm slamming the door on is the gamble demon! AND it is a thing not human!

On a happier note I remember my 50th birthday. I'd been nearly 50 for a few years in my late 40s .. I can remember waking up on the morning of my 50th birthday feeling elated to finally get to 50!. I've been nearly 60 for the last couple of years and still got a couple more years to get used to turning 60! lol

Mona in Week15 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:13 pm

Just saying hi and wishing you a great weekend.

Sandra
XXxX
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