" "

Please let today be my new beginning

Discuss and ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!

Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Ceejay » Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:21 am

I'm so tired...so many failed attempts at giving up the pokies for good. I do fine for a while, get some support for a while, then my brain melts down and I go back. The next thing I know, my bank account is empty and I am drinking to cover the feelings that result from making such a mess. I have used various strategies, including counselling, and they all work until they don't. I am now facing the fact that I do not have the option of ever playing pokies again (as the cycle just restarts and I lose control). I haven't tried GA and am really scared to - not even sure that I like the 12 step program but I don't know what else to do. I am here today as I really would like to talk to others who are aspiring to make a new start too.
Ceejay
Junior Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Ceejay » Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:27 am

Have spent the last hour reading and reading and reading. Thank you inspiring people here...
Ceejay
Junior Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:21 am

Hi Ceejay

Welcome to the forum.

I think that it is great that you have worked out that you can't gamble even a little bit. It often takes people a long time to come to that realization. Generally once someone has developed a problem with gambling, any gambling they do quickly leads them back to problematic use.

Quitting gambling is a long process and relapses are a common occurrence. The people that do well in the long term look at each lapse as a learning experience. Each time you lapse you learn a little more about your addiction and can think about new coping strategies. Generally over time lapses get further and further apart.

You mentioned that you are afraid of G.A. I think that is perfectly natural. Many people feel the same. But it is often the things that scare us that help us. Maybe it would be good to give G.A. a try. If you are not interested in the 12 step process there is another self help group around. The "Smart recovery program". Smart recovery is a little different to 12 steps, it is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy rather than spirituality. They also treat all addictions the same so groups consist of people wanting to quit gambling, alcohol, tobacco, drugs etc. It's not for everyone, but I think it is worth a try. If you are interested you can find meetings on their website. https://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au/

Everybody's journey is different. Make it your own and find the strategies that are helpful for you.
Jerry (facilitator)
Senior Member
 
Posts: 301
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2015 12:02 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Springhope17 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 2:59 pm

Hi Ceejay,

I am in the same boat. I just realised I cant gamble at all. In the past I have always thought I will just cut down, ill put a limit on how much I spend but that never works. Ill walk in with $200 then chase my losses losing $500 or $1000 basically everything in my account just trying to win back my losses. Have basically no money to pay day and then try and win my losses from last week. And then the cycle continues! I feel like i have been stuck in the cycle for the past 3 years on a rollercoaster that i haven't been able to get off! Its been horrible and I have felt so down, depressed and worthless!

I have started posting on the 100 day challenge message board today is DAY 10GF.

Good luck, I look forward to keeping up to date on your posts.
Springhope17
Member
 
Posts: 52
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Ceejay » Mon Sep 11, 2017 5:29 pm

Hi Springhope
Thanks so much for posting...it's gobsmacking how similar many of our stories are here. And yet, there we all are, struggling with this as if we are alone. But the good news is that neither of us is alone now. We have friends here who understand exactly what pitfalls we face every day, and have picked themselves up after stumbling. Keep up the good work posting on the 100 Day Challenge - 10 days is awsome. Let's aim to add tomorrow to the total? And remember you are no longer facing this alone.

Have you started your own thread? I couldn't find one, but if you do decided to start a page, I will happily talk to you there too.

Ceejay
Ceejay
Junior Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Springhope » Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:37 pm

Hi Ceejay

Thanks for replying.

My thread is in the Take the 100 Day Challenge Forum.
Springhope
Junior Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:22 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Ceejay » Tue Sep 12, 2017 7:15 am

So here I am today, feeling SO good. I had a better night's sleep than I can remember in years. It could be because the dog didn't disturb me for once, or it could be that I had no alcohol, and that I had no alcohol because I had no losses, and that I had no losses as I did not go near the pokies. No waking at 1:00am feeling suicidal, or terrified how I was going to survive until next pay, or imagining the shock and disappointment on my (adult) children's faces if they were to find out.

As much as I was reluctant to make the pokies addiction a focus in my life, I now realise that, at least for the time being, I need to keep my vulnerability at the top of my mind - hence my decision to come here as much as possible for a bit, and my considering going to a GA meeting. I know from experience that the minute I start to let it slide out of focus, I start to have the MAD thoughts like "it's not a big deal", "I have saved a few bucks, I can afford a little bit", "I'm entitled to a little bit of fun," and, most lethal of all "I'm free and single, and no-one but me gets hurt if I have a little flutter." Yeah, right. We all know where this thinking leads, don't we?

Here's an observation - I don't know if anyone else can relate to this one? I recently went for around a month without pokies, and after I got over the initial emptiness that follows, I started to rebuild a life. I did courses, met new people, stopped drinking, started exercising. One day I was having a Skype chat with a friend (who is aware of my situation), and I heard myself saying, "I'm, happy. My life feels good. I feel wonderful." So, guess what happened the next day? Yeah, you guessed it. I wonder why.

Anyway, healthy happy day, dear people....
Ceejay
Junior Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Pea pod » Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:42 am

Hi Ceejay, the feelings of happiness is you not gambling. Well done you can keep going. Why have access to all your pay and cash. Can you get your pay put into another account that you can't access with a card. I was also drinking to cover the pain of losses but I stopped drinking and smoking all together when I decided I didn't want to be a gambling addict anymore. You could say I killed a few birds with one big stone. I don't drink near as much anymore and I don't smoke anymore and I am a gambling addict in early recovery. I am self excluded from all my local venues and I told them to put a red mark next to my photo because I have snuck in in the past. I sit in a cafe as I write this, something I haven't really ever done alone in over 20 years. I would spend any spare time in a venue playing a poker machine. I'm off to the gym today aswell something else I have done recently. Please focus on what your goal is and put strategies in place you can't do it alone. Expect hard days but the good out weigh the bad. Life is short life is precious don't waste anymore of yours pressing a button on a video game screen loosing money.
Pea pod
Member
 
Posts: 88
Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2017 12:23 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby Ceejay » Tue Sep 26, 2017 1:46 pm

Well, it's been a little while - but here I am back on the forum. Just had to write down how good I feel today. A few days ago, something in me shifted. Suddenly, the thought of self-exclusion stopped being traumatic and shaming, and starting being liberating and self-determining. I've done it before, and found the experience less than pleasant - partly because of inept staff, but mainly because of my own attitude. The minute I realised that self-exclusion was not an admission of failure or weakness, but, on the contrary, a positive step toward a bright future, everything changed. I went down to my local venue, held my head high, and felt great. I even stopped to chat with a favourite staff member on the way out, and told him how good I felt about what I had done AND he then told me that he has also excluded himself from the pokies!

For anyone reading this...it's easier than you think. You have NOTHING TO FEEL ASHAMED OF. You do this just for you. You answer to no-one but you.

I feel my attitude change and my real progress is a direct result of the counselling program available through the Helpline here. I did my program by phone and cannot recommend it enough. I'm not saying I'm out of the woods. I know each day is a new challenge, and I will probably continue to stumble now and then. But every positive step I take leads me away from the madness and toward a real, meaningful life.
Ceejay
Junior Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Re: Please let today be my new beginning

Postby JinxyWolf » Tue Sep 26, 2017 5:22 pm

Hi Ceejay,

I've just come across you thread so thought I'd say Hi and Welcome.

Sounds like things are going pretty well for you and that's great to hear. Self exclusion is an excellent way to get things rolling towards a gamble free future and you are totally right, there should be no shame in doing it, in fact I applaud anyone who has the guts to do it. I myself haven't had to take that particular step but to each there own, we all travel this journey in our own way, it's only the destination that is the same and that is a future without gambling.

I found that after a couple on months, when things are going well and your starting to rebuilt your life that's when you have to really have your guard up. Thoughts of "Things are going pretty well right now, perhaps I can just go and spend $20 and then not go again" or "I've got a handle on it now, I'll be right" start to swirl around in your mind. This is your brain trying to trick you into a false sense of security, it's the addiction trying to lure you back. You start to forget all the negative consequences of your gambling addiction and start to focus on the fantasy of gambling. I found that when these thoughts start it's best to revisit all the reasons why you decided to give it up in the first place, focus on the negative aspects and don't let the fantasy draw you back in. Take the time, make a list of negatives and the reasons you quit and these thoughts will pass.

So stay strong and lets kick this demon out of our lives for good.

JinxyWolf
User avatar
JinxyWolf
Senior Member
 
Posts: 204
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 7:51 pm

Next

Return to The Courtyard

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests