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my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby POPEYE » Mon Aug 28, 2017 9:06 am

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Last edited by POPEYE on Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby jimi68 » Mon Aug 28, 2017 10:58 am

thanks family first,
I lost track of time and stopped feeling the need to count the days so I'm not sure exactly as I didn't really quit using the 100 days pledge.
I started posting here on july 8 and quit then although I went in twice during the first 2 weeks I don't count that.
(I don't reset my start date but I often do my version of things as I'm really lazy person...)
as I have great relief and a feeling of success in myself I don't need to struggle any more with one day at a time.....
feel like I'm just maintaining a success I'm allready achieved.....
I'm just gonna count the months.......
You said I make it sound easy but I havnt encountered yet future situations which might be a challenge ie- when I work and get disposable money again..
or if I in future live by myself will I be tempted again?
time will tell....
What if I get drunk going out a year from now and end up in pokies with other people..?........
What seems easy to me now is that having the BELIEF I can do it makes the attitude difference....
thaats what I'm celebrating right now and I will remain conscious of all this because I have to be on my guard in the future..
Every day still reading here...and its good because I'm getting psychological councelling for lifelong anxiety which will continue and I see it as all connected
Got a stop sign on my bedroom wall and it reminds to take control of anything in life...its all connected
I get gambling thoughts only once a week now and I know what to do with them.
Used to be every time I left the house in the first two-3 weeks!!!!!!
(I gambled every fortnight for 10 years)

One thing about survivor I notice is they lead you on with the camera shots on what to think is happening..(manipulation)
Is it really whats happening?
what do they use for toilet paper? never seen them squatting in the bushes......
Remenber theres allways a camera crew with them as well..that you never see..
During one challenge I thought they could have taken all afternoon to do it and then they edit it to seem like 15 minutes..
Also I think they count the votes and then reorder the reveal of votes to produce the exciting situation they want to portray....
(my brother recons the army special ops guy is still on the island secretly hiding in the bushes with camo face makeup like Arnold swartzenegger in predator!!)....
going in and leaving $10 bucks and walking away was my idea.
Its a ceremony rather than a test.
and popeye dunno when i will do it maybe next week or in a month....
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby jimi68 » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:13 am

I woke up this morning and even though its been over a month and I only get a gambling thought maybe once in a week...
they still happen......years of training I suppose but I think it will take a while( to get that thought to never come...)
or perhaps it will allways be a potential occurrence.
I rekon years from now it might be something like just seeing the venue from a distance I will suddenly get all the nice feelings and thoughts like a dream
flooding in unexpectedly to go I in and it may be surprising in its intensity...
But practicing an awareness of hundreds of times of not gambling and dismissing the thought...
should build my resume to be smart....

this morning It was like a dreamy sound of clinkering glasses and background noises and lights from the venue
and a familiarity that it was a place that belonged to me...
Like the attitude I would get that pulled me in when things were ok and I had time/money to waste
and I thought gambling could be done safely by being in control..
it feels sad to not go with a thought/feeling that seems to offer you something that is yours to do....
its an empty feeling not to go.
like ive lost something good.
But I'm committed now...
Those thoughts are the invaders/aliens......
I let them pass and get on with things.....
they are only thoughts.

Ive heard stories about people who quit smoking and years later have an occasional dream they are smoking...
I guess that comes from the same place of the brain.......
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby POPEYE » Wed Aug 30, 2017 10:18 pm

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Last edited by POPEYE on Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby jimi68 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:54 am

like you said before
only one thing is gonna work right now...... lock it up....
so that you only have $300 and its not worth going.
I wonder if you could trick yourself if your tempted really bad this time when the money comes in ...(holding it in your hand)
By saying to yourself .....maybe I could gamble BUT NOT TODAY maybe another time I still could.
(you don't really want to -just trick your mind -delay gratification-you don't have to rush off and do it now)
I know that its probably not the long term change you want to have..
and i think its bad advice as a long term strategy
but i wonder if you could do that to trick yourself as a short term thing if your urge is extra strong.
like an emergency thought to pull out only on some occasions. (JUST TO GET THROUGH THAT DAY)
I DONT HAVE TO GO TODAY
I CAN GO ANOTHER TIME......
IM DELAYING THE URGE.
you can push your feelings into the future rather than denying them .
even though when your in your normal state of mind again (no urge) you know you will not go...
Last edited by jimi68 on Thu Aug 31, 2017 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby POPEYE » Thu Aug 31, 2017 8:43 am

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Last edited by POPEYE on Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby jimi68 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 8:52 am

li went back and edited that out of my post so i reckon you saw the first draught.
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby Charlotte (facilitator) » Thu Aug 31, 2017 2:48 pm

Yes indeed Jimi, they are thoughts, not FACTS.... and I agree, people can get the odd glimmer of a thought years later in a dream or in everyday life, but they are able to move on because they have learnt to manage the urges and stopped giving in to them. In time that's how it could be for you - fleeting, transient and insignificant..... what a nice thought!

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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby Cil » Tue Sep 05, 2017 5:54 am

Hey jimi
A quick question.
Tell me why do u think GA followers count there days clean?
Regards
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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby jimi68 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:43 am

hey cil,
(sorry a long answer to a quick question)
I can only guess the answer as ive never done GA but I have a few theories.....

One o f the first thing people must come to is to admit they have a problem.....
denial is common and counting days is a regular reminder...that this is important issue.
even in the future you might not feel its a problem anymore and lower your guard
the day you feel that you might still be addicted and relapse...
If a year from now I'm tempted I'm gonna want my days to allways be increasing.
It might be like deciding it is a lifelong commitment........ (not lifelong struggle but lifelong commitment)
that make sense to me due to the fact that people can relapse years later.......
I guess counting the days feels like a constant reminder that there is a problem (to be on your guard)
Also at first when you quit its really is a ONE DAY at a time struggle.
People are able to share their progress you know someone on day 7 and someone on day 423 probably have different skills and outlooks..
Mr 423 could give advice to mr 7.
People can be proud and feel they have achieved which motivates them...
People may not want to lose their hard work and progress as they have to start from scratch again if they lapse
Having a structure is conductive to success rather than wandering around aimlessly and getting sidetracked.
It can help keep people accountable going to those groups I imagine
also having to confess you have lapsed and starting again keeps people honest to everyone about whats going on in their life
and if everyone knows then they can support when required...
personally.....
I'm not counting the days I'm counting the months.
I will be able to tell you anytime over the rest of my life how many months I have not gambled.
The day I quit was the day I started this post.

I don't even know if my answer here meant anything ....
can you reply with your thoughts?
oh and I remember something I saw on alcoholics anonymous where the person starts by
reciting a oath in which they
admit they feel powerless to change and that's why they are there.
That they now are willing to embrace something outside themselves.....
as their own efforts have not been enough to produce the change they want.
Is that what people say in gamblers anon when they start as well?
Is it to confess they are unable to beat it on their own?
I think its called the 12 steps.
for those people that feel powerless.
Is that realization ( they are powerless) actually the starting point of quitting ?
a kind of surrendering of the self.?
What I have done so far is not enough?
I have to try more.......
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