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my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

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Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby jimi68 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 8:20 pm

thanks..
7 months is a great achievement.
it feels great not to gamble.
I might for now take a week off as this is all doing my head in.......
keep up the good work
and remember
REWARD YOURSELF BY NOT GAMBLING.
jimi68
Senior Member
 
Posts: 195
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2017 10:14 am

Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby jimi68 » Fri Sep 08, 2017 1:36 pm

well I'm looking at the big picture here and no matter what pulls me to stay on this forum
like the experiences of others and their outlooks, sharing their struggles ,happiness for their successes, sadness for their lapses
and the desire for them to succeed being my main drivers to come here..
and the best part was finding a place to visit when i had nowhere to go....
i was completely alone...i had no one to turn to and found the help here to get back on my feet..even if it was only sometimes to have stupid conversations
and that's the bit I'm gonna miss the most..
other peoples views and experiences was an eye opener
I never thought there would be such a rich variety of experiences here
the good, the bad....and the ugly.........
but i realise something...that most of the other people here are gonna band together and help eachother out..
jimi68 is not necessary for that process
they can do it all without me...
I'm strong now and if something happens in the future i know how to and where to get help if i need it.
so I'm gonna be ok....
I'm smiling now with a belly full of "i don't need to gamble anymore""
I ate a big meal and i feel satisfied.
I need to cut off and you all have my thanks.
so goodbye.
if you miss me then read the old posts..
(i made a copy on my computer and can read them years from now to rememeber you all.)
Well i guess i can only read whatevers left of em now .
oh well...
as they say forgive and forget.
those that need to be here .......should stay
so
thanks again
sorry if I bothered anyone....its hard not to be yourself...I cant help it!! it just keeps happening.!!! ;)
it ends here..........
i leave you with a final thought

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Think of a little lamb following someone.....it will only do that .......if it TRUSTS the thing it FOLLOWS..
so If you don't feel trust...... why would you follow?
Do you believe that higher power has led you to be in that group to learn about yourself?
Were you LOST with gambling not knowing what to do, or how to do, or even if you could do anything about it.....
Did you follow at first not knowing if it would help ( by a leap of faith) and trust in the power of others?
Sounds to me like you did FOLLOW when you needed to.
But as you gain control of your life maybe the need to find answers outside yourself is shrinking
because you are finding the answers within...
Your soul knows the truth.....
as you regain your power....
I CAN DO IT!!!!!! you shout with power!!

"'yes you can."'.........
whispers the quiet voice of the higher power
with happy satisfaction
as he flies off in the wind
looking for his next job
"you know they mostly forget about you...when the job is done....so why do you do it?'"
a little bird says as he flies past the wind....
"'Same reason I feed you"' he replies and laughs....
"'I don't understand "' says the bird....
SSHHHH! says the wind... :) .
"just fly"'
jimi68
Senior Member
 
Posts: 195
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2017 10:14 am

Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby Cil » Sun Sep 17, 2017 8:03 pm

Evening Jimi
Emm I do underatand your reply. Thank U for ur thoughts. Ur reply is perfect.

I sat one nite chatting to my husband. And he asked me "why do u guys count ur clean days?"
My reply "because thats what we do"
But I do understand why he asked this question.
We both gave up pot over 20 years ago.
Drinking we never had a problem.
Cigarettes 3 or 4 years ago.
This is the only addiction that Ive found I count on. And thats only because in meetings we announce our clean days on ID around the room.
Im thinking of leaving the group my last gamble March 2017. I have no access to money my wage goes to my husbands account and he gives me $20 every 3 days. I have had no urge because I have taken away the one thing that let me go to a pub....money!!
I was at a meeting and a member mentioned to me to get on more meetings and try start the 12 steps maybe get myself a sponser.
Just that was enough for me to stop and think about my GA meetings.
I have come to the conclusion that my issue is about emotion. Not what u would initially think...money!! Finance is the 1st problem to start to clean itself up in recovery. But emotion....woooo this is a challenge.
I have started to get back to what I love to do. Painting/Design/ and now learning to plants.
I was a 25 year gambler tried to give up once before and relapsed.
This was so different. I surrendered I held the lie right to the bitter end. To the last hour, last minute, last second. The phone rung at 9am Monday morning. It was my banks fraud squad asking me how "x $" landed in my bank account. I have never ever gone into fix it mode like that. I would not talk or tell them about the $$ I was plotting my out to my family. In the end my head was racing I was a mess and I confessed to my 2 adult children. I was still holding the lie as I told them to please not tell there father.
They promised they wouldnt but they told me I needed to tell him.
It was 11pm i was going to bed and my son said nope mum u come here and tell dad. And thats were i lay everything regarding the theft of a friends money. Even then I was still trying to fix it.
Its when my daughter said to me....U need professional help mum. Go see the doctor mum.
And today i still see my GA Councillor and attend 1 GA meet a week. I feel 1000 times better.
This is what keeps me on track is the position im in now.
I remember being hungry. Wondering how im going to petrol my car for work. Unable to buy bread or milk.

This is the recite at the end of our meets.
THE SERENITY PRAY
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Thank U Jimi u are very inspiring.

Happy end of the week.
Cil
Member
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:08 am

Re: my first post ... what the hell am i doing in here?

Postby suzybeauty » Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:45 pm

Jimi, don't go away dear friend. Come back sometimes, you'll be missed by me & others here. I need you for some strategies help & get to know you more as I want older friends than me for support & advice, people who have been through it all - want to listen to your ideas & experiences. I've been praying to be a better person & beat this addiction. Hope to see you here. Suzy
suzybeauty
Member
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 1:41 pm
Location: Tasmania

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