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Tired and fed up

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Tired and fed up

Postby Jonno1982 » Thu Mar 09, 2017 11:04 pm

Hi all,
I'm new to this community however not to the problem 🙁. Im 33 and have gambled ever since i was 18 years old. I have been to counselling when i was much younger which worked for sometime however it always got me back in. I sat down about a month ago after a big loss and worked out a strict set of rules that i had to adhere to (leave cards at home, no betting through the week all those types of thing) and promised myself if i couldnt stick to it i would have to try really hard to quit altogether. After a couple of fails well here i am.

I think my problem is a little different to most....i love playing the pokies and will easliy put a grand through without thinking twice about it....however at the same time i can go without them and have done for a month or so now. My problem is the horses. I simply love horse racing. Once again i can go a decent period without having a bet but theres always certain races or times that draw me back in and before i know if im losing thousands at a time again. I wish i could just watch the races and enjoy them for what it is however it seems a little different to most sports as the punting is part of the game. I know ill always finish behind, i know that im hurting myself and my family however i constantly crave that feeling of having your horse hit the front with 100m to go and the thrill of the win. The top few days of my life have involved big wins on the punt (outside all the obvious family things). I suppose my question is how do i leave this behind? How do i not have a bet when freinds go to the races? How the heck do i ignore the melbourne cup and slring carnival? It sounds sad but the idea of not being interested in this scares the heck out of me and sounds impossible.

I would love to hear others opinions/stories that may have a similar problem. Im feeling lost and helpless and the only thing im confident of at the moment is failure. Sorry for pouring my heart out however im just running out of places to turn.
Jonno1982
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby Suzy2 » Sat Mar 11, 2017 9:36 am

Hi Jonno

The most important thing is that you are at least doing something! The long periods of time where I have struggled away in my own are the times when I have done the most damage

I don't have experience with horse racing. My problem is the pokies but whatever the addiction, the destruction is the same!!! Posting on these forums and reading that others are going through the same is really helping me!! I believe the isolation of doing this on your own is too hard!
Finding this forum followed a $700 loss 8 days ago in two hours! The same had happened the previous 2 pay days and many many others!!!! I, like everyone else has had enough of being flat broke!!! All I do is survive willing away the days until the next pay which is gone again in hours!!!! I want money for me! To enjoy life! But just as 1 + 1 = 2 so does freely handing our hard earned money away result in poverty!!! Doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out the gambling = destruction!!!
I hope you find the form of help which will best help you!! I urge you to keep sharing. It helps to put it in writing!

Stay strong 😊
Suzy2
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby Jonno1982 » Sun Mar 12, 2017 6:37 am

Yes well after feeling like that thursday night i went out to watch the footy with a mate last night. I didnt worry about taking money out of my wallet because i wasnt going to bet.....that didnt last long 😯. I lost about $350 which is no where near as much as the other night however it has me questioning if i can do it and im really doubting myself. The worst thing is im going shopping with my daughter this morning and i dont have a cent left in my wallet. I will get more money out this morning but the places to draw from are starting to dry up also. Its making me quite sad and i have that feeling that im slowly sinking into a place i cant dig myself out of.
Jonno1982
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby malvina » Sun Mar 12, 2017 11:23 am

There is no-one that can help you but yourself If you want to stop gambling then you decide to it's as simple as that - if it is NOT simple then you haven't made your decision to quit. Don't wait until it is too late and get your health affected. It destroys our life and the lives of those we are attached to. Mentally say -'no more gambling' and MEAN it. We might slip up occasionally in small ways but if you really have made that decision and always remind yourself of it then you will come out on top
I'm an old hand at it and have my health badly affected. I didn't make my decision until I HAD to - with money needed for health bills.. even on a pension there are gaps and the more specialists we see the more gaps. I've been very silly I believe if we have had abuse in our lives we turn our hate towards ourselves as it make us feel we are worth nothing. We need to look at what we are doing if only for the sake of others If we can't decide to give ourselves a life - then we should at least decide to give it to those we love! - and not punish them. A Christian life greatly helps this. It teaches us to love others and put them before ourselves Jesus lived His life as an example for us to follow and actually died for us. That is a lot worse than us having to give up gambling for our family right? i remember when I first made my committment, I was on my own with 2 little kids and just a suitcase... I went to a church they told me that when we give our lives to Him it affects not just our life but my kids lives too - they will receive gifts and blessings from The Lord... it was this that decided me. Now that I am old my kids are adult with good professions and me going without money doesn't affect them very much except at Christmas when they don't get the same presents - but they insist I don't spend much on them anyway! - so it wasn't until I had the health bills I became unstuck I had no savings the pokies had had all my spare money - but it's not too late! I made my decision a few months ago and have thoroughly enjoyed buying things I could never have had before - it's a new life altogether. I wish you all the best
God Bless You
Malvina
Last edited by malvina on Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:07 pm, edited 5 times in total.
malvina
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby annnie » Sun Mar 12, 2017 2:47 pm

Hi Jonno & welcome,

So many stories similar to yours, too many, mine included . First of all thanks for sharing , it takes a lot of courage to put it out there & seek help. Sharing with us also gives us support knowing there are others here to discuss the good, the bad and the very ugly days that occur once in recovery. I hope you have called the help line they offer so much support and when down manage to gather your thoughts and help turn negative thoughts to a positive move forward. We hit what we feel is rockbottom, there is no denying to feeling that way but the reality is there can be a way to crawl out of the hole we have found ourself in. It is going to take more courage than coming to this forum, determination, say no more gambling and make each day gamble free by focussing on other activities that will help to resist the urges when they hit.

I cannot say enough about face to face counselling, telephone counselling and financial counselling. They are all different , but together offer amazing support and allow us to meet this demon head on. Have a read on all the strategies from posts, make a list and work out what may help you. Many of us have been to our own definition of rock bottom and yet are still here working our way upwards ( it's a slow process ! ) . It is do able, you can do it also. Change the negative thoughts to positive and so much can be achieved, don't dwell too much on the past , it just gets in the way of moving forward. Be kind to yourself. We are all good people that got caught up in a legal activity that does not disclose the destruction it may cause clearly enough for all to make an informed decision prior to an addiction setting in. Unfortunately it's only when we get to this point that we find out what ' s really going on and see how far down the hole we have fallen.

Sorting out the finances causes so much stress, physically & emotionally , ease the burden and seek financial counselling as soon as possible, you will be surprised at what they can offer and arrangements with creditors is what they do best along with getting us financially back on track. Put it all on the table , they are there to help , when in the mess we often don't see the answer to our problems as others can.

After all that has been said, it's up to you to take control and not let gambling control you or define who you really are. Work hard on this and make the necessary changes to enable you to enjoy life again. I have lost it all and unable to get anywhere near where I was before. Start again ?, too old, no permanent nor enough work and have had to adjust & accept that things will never be the same. I have recently been thrown a curve ball and intially felt that was it, I can't deal with this issue now, not when I was just beginning to have some money in the bank. However it has happened and can't do much else other than go with it. I may be broke, poor & in debt, but I have the strength and a clearer mind to deal with issues and can feel the sun on my face, I eat 3 meals a day and can afford the bills as they are (no more surprises please !!) .I cannot ask for much more at this point I am thankful that I am alive , I have people that need me & depend on me & I need them in my life.

Take care & keep posting, hope the week goes well for you, make a call to the help line , it can be the first day of the rest of your life.

P.s Daughters don't need money spent on them, they need to hear your words of love & kindness & that's free along with your time.They need to feel they belong and you are there for them always. Sometimes a small treat can have a higher value than the expensive treats. Look for free events , visit family & friends together.
annnie
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby malvina » Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:04 pm

Very good post annnie you are a very brave girl. i have started my life 3 times over from nothing Having The Lord with me helped a lot. I really enjoy the challenge - but.. no more! I am too old now I can't play anymore tricks
God Bless You
Malvina
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby annnie » Sun Mar 12, 2017 7:10 pm

Hi Malvina,

Thanks for your kind words , lovely to hear from you, hope you are well and birdie is fine too. I wouldn't be able to smile if it weren't for people like you.

Take care.
annnie
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby malvina » Sun Mar 12, 2017 8:12 pm

;)
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby Jonno1982 » Sun Mar 12, 2017 9:13 pm

Thanks for the replies. I am feeling much better tonight. Had a nice day with my daughter and have done alot of thinking with regards to certain stratergies ect going forward. Im back to square 1.....its day 1 again however i need to stick with it.
Jonno1982
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Re: Tired and fed up

Postby annnie » Sun Mar 12, 2017 9:28 pm

That's right, get back on that bike and ride.......

Don't for a moment think we have all started and it's been a smooth ride, You soon get sick of the roller coaster ride and make the decision that enough is enough. you can do this, we are with you on your journey. No money = no gambling . Protect yourself and your money. You have a debt , most of us do and they are not small either. Focus on not getting into any further debt and you can do this....

Great to hear you had a wonderful day with your daughter, hope you enjoy many more together.

Take care
annnie
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Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:07 pm

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