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WoW Where do I Start

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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:33 pm

Gee Whizz....when it rains, it pours

This morning I had the biggest argument with my partner and my daughter.
As i have documented I hold an Amex Card for all things shopping.
They want to close the Amex card which has NO access to cash out. And get me a Master Card so I can get the dry cleaning out or do the butchers. In otherwords have full access to anything the house needs to purchase. This includes it getting cash out.
I told them i dont want it. And i told them why...its lovely u trust me....but i need to trust myself and right now i dont!!
Well they want to close my Amex card and ill be given no money and i cant get this or that.
After begging them not to give me access to a mastercard....they are determined i can do this.
I rang the 1800 number to speak to a councillor and balled my eyes out.
I cant do this, Im not ready. My mind is not ready. I know when that will be and its not yet!!
I told them all im not who i use to be.
Please if there are any partners on here that have gambling spouses please advise how u deal with the change of the gambling spouse?
This is the most upset ive been throughout my journey!! Its just so hard to explain.
I dont want to let them down and im determined to stick to my guns and not have access.
I am a recovering compulsive gambler!!
Cil
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby sinny » Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:27 pm

all of our stories are almost identical in someways ....only different in details...all of them are caused by our stupid gambling additions....it is worse than doing drug, or smoking grass....far worse...I m going to become bankrupt soon,,,just to get out of all the debts i created just for the love of gamblings.....and will facing consequences....i cant quit gambling...dont know how or when i can ....please tell me if it is time to stop betting on sports or going to clubs to play pokies..! as i cant help myself out...cant control my mind ....just too weak ...against the demons within me,,,,they are too powerful ...they just keep occupied my brains damaging good sides ...and so on and on....keep pushing me to the dark sides.....until all lights are out !
sinny
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Tue Apr 11, 2017 7:23 am

Hey Sinny
Thank you for sharing your journey.
Sounds like you have alot going on at the moment.
Wondering if you should declare bankruptcy etc.

May I suggest the best option I beleive to help those demons in your head is to take away the one thing that triggers them...MONEY!
There is no need to fight the demons when you give them no power. They will sit dormant just waiting for an opportunity. Give them nothing.
Request your employer direct your wages to your partner.
Are you going to GA Meetings? Please find one in your area and start going to them.
This will help you off load all whats in your head. And as gamblers we understand what your talking about.
Best of luck to you as we all as recovering addicts take our journeys one day at a time!
Cil
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Mon Apr 17, 2017 8:34 am

Hi cil, just read your post. A double edged sword for you. Fantastic that your family has such faith in you but what i really admire is your openess and honesty in knowing that this isnt a good option for you. Hopefully things have sorted out now, if not i would explain that you will cut up the mastercard when it arrives and that others in the family will need to manage the household stuff. You are doing so awesome:-)
Sandra
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:22 am

What an interesting question!
This came through a GA group that im on.

"Tell me, when a addicted gambler is really bad off and loses which way to go in relationships dose it always ends up south?"

I was writing the below passage as the above popped up on my news feeds.

I have had the roughest weekend. My husband was being such a dork.
Well thats what I thought till I sat back and realised the hell i put him through.
Does this give him the right to disrespect me?
Play me out like im an idiot?
Ogle other woman while sitting with me for lunch?
Is this what all these years of me gambling has done?
Have I moulded him this way, and only now do I see clearly the damage ive done.
Do we keep going in this marriage?
It was at an end in the weekend.
We both hurt and both said sorry.
But is that fair....to him? to me?
Cil
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Posts: 35
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby blastoise (facilitator) » Tue Apr 18, 2017 4:32 pm

Hi Cil,

I echo Sandra's statement, and if you are open and honest with your family, perhaps it would be worthwhile seeing a gambling counsellor and asking if you can bring your daughter or partner? If they have time they might like to see a gambling counsellor as an 'affected other'. These came to my mind as I had a client previously who was in the same situation. It is often difficult for our family to see the consequences of an idea they believe is good for everyone, but ultimately, you know yourself. If you believe that you are not ready, raising their awareness through seeing a counsellor might help them to understand what you are going through, and what options might be more appropriate.

Let us know how you go though, thinking of you in such a difficult situation.

Blastoise
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby pamela » Wed Apr 19, 2017 12:28 am

Hi Cil..I understand what you mean.when I was gambling I accepted all my partners actions/words as I thought that was what I deserved..not that he treated me badly..but now I dont take crap from anyone and I stand up for myself..one night awhile ago I finished work and went out for tea by myself and told my partner I couldnt be bothered with his behaviour..not something I would have done while gambling..dont get me wrong though..my partner supported me when I was gambling financially..I have learnt that I am important and I do have rights..I have just become intolerant of a lot of behaviour..good or bad?? I dont know..but I have strength now ..keep away from gambling and become a real person again
pamela
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:14 pm

Hi cil, hope you have had a good week. I think they key could be self respect. We have so little of it when we are gambling, so it is probably not surpising that our partners stop respecting us to. Maybe this is just early days in yiur recovery and things are just reshuffling and sorting themselves out??? Please post and let us know how you are doing.

Sandra
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Thu Apr 27, 2017 8:28 pm

Good Evening GA Online

I had to take a peek at where I was last on my journey here online.
Firstly thank you everyone for the wise words and sounds like experience in there also!

Goodness me doesn't life throw us some curve balls.....I was telling my GC how when I thought nothing can top that...another one comes rushing in.
What I have learnt to do is really feel the emotion of whatever has made me happy/sad/angry/confused.
I even caught the moment of when I would have stood up and stormed out of the house and gone to gamble.
I was hot inside, I could feel my skin heating up and becoming bothered. There was a stone wall in front of me, I couldnt hear anything.
It was sooo very scary! I remember my husband saying....go...go on.....u know u want too!!
I held my ground kept my feet in one place sat back in my chair and let the wave blow over.
I was exhausted I showered and went to bed.
Next day I told my husband lets cook breakfast.
To break the ice. I said to him....I know u dont understand what Im going through how could i expect u to understand my addiction.
I do realise how frustrated u get with me and Im working really hard to try see things from ur point of view.
He grabbed me and said....well do this together!
Life is such fun and not so fun all at the same time!
My name is Cecelia and I am a Compulsive Gambler!
Cil
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby pamela » Fri Apr 28, 2017 6:26 pm

Well done Cil..you have shown you have the strength and determination not to gamble when life throws you lemons..let it wash over you and become the strong one..be proud of how you reacted.Your husband may have been testing you and you passed so well done
pamela
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