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WoW Where do I Start

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WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:46 am

Hello All. I am new to this forum.
I am a gambler and have been since my first coin dropped 25 years ago.
I sort help back 12 years ago in GA Meetings but i have dropped back in.
I have stolen off a friend who trusted me with his bank detail and it all came to a head when my bank accounts were frozen. He consolidated in me right through and when my banks contacted me i knew then i was in big trouble. I told him it was me as he thought it was a hacker and asked me to help him understand his iphone because he thought someone hacked it. I took it right to the wire.
He made contact with his bank to put an emergency stop on his account and ran an investigation. The banks traced it back to me.
I knew I was in serious trouble. I told my adult kids first and begged them not to tell there dad. They didnt but they told me i am to tell him. I did last night.
My (now ex) friend told me to pay the money back and he wont press charges.
He has put a hold on his bank from laying charges till i can come up with a reasonable resolution.
My partner and adult kids have said they will pay the $20k i stole. But i am to get help.
I said i will definitely get help. And this is the reason i write my story.
A huge lifestyle change is needed. Physically im drained, Mentally im drained. If my partner leaves me then he is better off he has been through so much over 25 years but is furious my kids will pay this. They have just brought a house...settle is in 1 month. This is the first time they have seen this kind of destruction and they are just numb.
Cil
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Suzy2 » Tue Mar 07, 2017 7:23 am

Welcome!
You have made a start! I have made many starts but I see that as a good thing meaning I will never give up trying to eradicate this demon from my life!

You have been through a lot and the shame and grief of losing a friend this way must be immense. A counsellor once told me to be kind to myself,that gambling didn't define me or my intelligence. My brain has been hijacked and it is now a day by day and yes minute by minute journey to take control again.

Seeking help us the answer however just as important for me though is staying involved with therapy. In the past I have stumbled and been too ashamed to go back and fess up!

Be kind to yourself
I wish you well
Suzy2
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby pamela » Tue Mar 07, 2017 8:23 am

HI and welcome, in some ways you should be thankful this has all come to a head because now you can get the help and support you need to break this habit. Be thankful you are not going to be charged ,You are fortunate to have a family that is able to help you and is willing to but you now have to show them how grateful you are by stopping. And it can be done and you certainly have the incentive now to stop.Get all the help that is available to you so you can stop. Its not only important to you now but your family as well. Good luck
pamela
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Tue Mar 07, 2017 2:05 pm

Thank u both for the support.
Only now do i really know the seriousness of what i have done.
Im at the doctors getting a referral to see a psychologist. I have had time to reflect and wow i feel like my head is racing.
ONE DAY AT A TIME is all i can do. Im anxious in this waiting room but i know this needs to be done.
Cil
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Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:08 am

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Shirley (facilitator) » Tue Mar 07, 2017 4:32 pm

Welcome to the forum. My name is Shirley and I am one of the forum gambling counsellors / moderators. First of all, well done for reaching out here for support.. Taking that first step can be difficult and telling your story cannot have been easy, but you have started the ball rolling and that is great.

Well done on the fact that you have told your family and that you are planning to link in with a psychologist. If you haven't done so already, I strongly recommend you speak with a gambling counsellor, which is a bit different to a clinical psychologist. Seeing a psychologist is a great idea, but you will also need support over the next few months to specifically understand and manage the gambling urges / triggers and find ways to protect your money. A Gambling Counsellor can support you with this process and give you strategies to deal with the guilt and shame.

You can find a gambling counsellor in your area through the GH website or you can call the gambler's Helpline on 1800858858. There is no charge and they are there to take your call 24/7.

Gambler's help can also link you in with a financial counsellor who can help you put some steps in place to manage the debts, freeze any interest and pay back what you owe. I understand your family are willing to cover the debt but there are reasons why you should also be involved in the repayment process.

For any gambler, motivation to make change only happens when the consequences outweigh the benefits of gambling. Repaying the money you stole is one of those real life consequences and it is important for you to experience that consequence yourself. Sure, your family can repay part or even most of the money but any contribution you can make, even small amounts per fortnight will be important an reminder for you moving forward.

This experience can be challenging on all the people involved and so I am wondering if your family have got any professional support? They can also speak to a telephone gambling counsellor by calling Gambler's Help so please pass on the number.

You are being open and honest now, and you can feel certain that no matter how hard this feels, you are taking steps to deal with it now and you are not alone. Warm regards, Shirley.
Shirley (facilitator)
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Tue Mar 07, 2017 4:51 pm

Welcome aboard:-) you are in a tough place but we have all been there in one way or another. There is so much help and support available so reach out to any rsource available to help you on your journey. Although it may not seem like it, now that everything is out in the open you can make a fresh start so that is a positive to your situation. No more stress and energy or lying due to gambling is an awesome feeling and one that you start to feel pretty quickly (at least i did). Consequences will remain, but everyday without gzmblihg makes you stronger. Keep us posted and best wishes.

Sandra
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Wed Mar 08, 2017 3:38 am

Good Morning All
I totally agree with you regarding an appt with a gambling counsellor. I will reach out today on the 1800 number u have provided.
My daughter had requested i see a shink because it is that i need help and for me to try see it from a normal person (daughters) head i spose i do look/act like i need a shink. And to be honest i absolutely questioned her reasoning behind it. Then just like surrendering to gambling. I surrendered to any help needed to get my head in a good space.
I had seen my doctor yesterday and WoW just WoW. What an amazing man from anxiety to there is hope in minutes.
I have a shink (sorry i dont know how to spell there real doctor word) appt 2day at 4pm.
The doctor also gave me a number to gambling counsellor (GC) in my area.
The one thing i had asked my doctor is i feel like my thoughts are racing like a million things in my head all at once. He ran tests, bipola/suicidal and didnt feel i was in that relm. I thought i may have like an embalance that maybe medication could help. He had mentioned we look at umm its like thai chi and living and enjoying the moment.....OMG I soooo want that.
It was a condition with my now ex friend that the money be paid back at my full wages a week for 20 weeks. But my family have said no they will fix it. But my full wages will go to my daughter and she manage my funds. I have an Amex card which has no access to cash at all. So i can get petrol/food etc without cash on me. If i need cash i have to go through her. I have instructed my employer to redirect my wages to her. She knows what my bills are and will organise there payments.
I agree with u Sandra the stress and energy used to lye was just overwhelming. I for sure had relief last nite as i cooked dinner and made fruit salad. And enjoyed cutting the fruit as i learn to live in the moment. My family all sat and we talked about our move into our new house as we organise all thats needed. I watched this happen and just wanted to cry. Thank U for letting me have that day.
Cil
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Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:08 am

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Suzy2 » Wed Mar 08, 2017 7:13 am

You are doing well!!! Remember it is One day at a time! Relearning how to live and feel normally again is a huge part of the recovery I believe. A gambling counsellor once likened it to a baby bird squaring for the only thing it knew! How can we expect our urges to be for anything other than gambling when we don't experience anything else. I have not even eaten properly just stuffing something down to satisfy the hunger so I could race out the door to gamble!!!
I think it is important to give ourselves new experiences so we have something to compare.
You have done a wise thing not having access to cash! Somebody mentioned in this forum just recently that when there is no cash there are no urges!!! So so interesting!
Keep going! Its worth it!!
Suzy2
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby pamela » Wed Mar 08, 2017 7:31 am

You have made a big step in the right direction.You have a lot going on so your head will spin but accept the help and get off the merrygo round.Having no access to cash is a good start.I wish you all the best
pamela
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby blastoise (facilitator) » Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:14 pm

Hi Cil,

Welcome to the forum! And thank you for sharing your story. From reading everyone else comments, it sounds like you are already on your way to seeking support to address what has been a pretty significant problem for you. One thing I would encourage you to remember is that you have stopped before, and with some support from a counsellor and peers on the forum, you may find yourself in a better mindset. It wont happen over night, but remember that each day without gambling is a victory. As I think many can attest, it isn't easy stopping, but the fact that you have been upfront to those affected by the gambling says a lot about your realization that gambling is a real problem, and you have had enough of it. Let us know what we can do, and ask any questions you need to as the people on here are really amazing and supportive,

Again, welcome

Blastoise
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