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So here i am

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So here i am

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:27 am

Hi everyone,

I have been a poker machine gambler for most of my adult life and estimate i have spent probably a million dollars of my own money; not including the "wins" which i just fed back into the machines.

Enough.

My life and the lives of my beautiful family are worth more than this. Tired of broken promises to stop. That commitment only lasts until next payday. I refuse to allow this to destroy my 18 year marriage and any more dreams for the future.

This day 2 for me. I am arranging to see a counsellour hopefully on thursday, have self excluded myself from venues, and going to get some pre paid visa debit cards and hand over finances and cards to husband.

What to do, what to do!!! Trying to think of over hobbies or activities instead of gambling. Thinking taking a walk on the beach and baking some cookies with my daughter today is the plan.

Bye

Sandra
User 586eee5282d07
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Posts: 270
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Re: So here i am

Postby annnie » Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:58 am

Hi Sandra & welcome ,

I have found this site to be valuable in many ways & hope you also can find the support to end gambling and begin a brighter future. The first steps have been taken and we are all here to help you achieve your goal. Yes it is important to find new things to take your thoughts away from the habit , maybe start by writing a list of things you would like to do for the month such as go to a movie, ( if funds permit ) search online for free events in your area , take a fold up chair, a picnic, and a library book to a nice place and make it your special place to reflect & relax.

Some people need to use the computer more , play board games, community centres have many things going on, craft - card making using scraps ( if you would like more info on cheap ways to do this please pm me ) Despite all the above I still feel the need for playing electronic games as it gives the rush experienced from pokies but with no cost. and no bad after feelings. I am waiting for someone to show me a new game that can be played with friends / relatives online , it's some kind of word game and hope that it will meet my needs. Made some herb boxes from polystyrene boxes the fruit shop was giving away and they are going extremely well. It's important to find things to do for yourself and also with family.

Alcohol, drugs, cigs, & gambling all have withdrawal effects when stopping . Beware of the urges , fight them with the determination to beat this and have a plan in place. Call the hotline whenever you fell you may lapse, they are good at talking you through and changing your thoughts at the time. I have had weekly counselling for 5 months now and still working on the underlying issues and fighting urges ( not as strong as time goes by ), for some it can be a very long process, stick with it , it's worth it.

Keep in contact .& take care.
annnie
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Re: So here i am

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Sat Jan 07, 2017 11:05 am

Hi Annie, thanks for the welcome and good ideas. I have read a lot of your posts on this site and can see you a very supportive. Just went for a big walk and swim at the beach. Thank god for my family ; i really am nothing without them. I dont feel a craving to gamble today but this is because i am still suffering from a$1200 gambling hangover from 2 days ago... AGAIN. I know the craving will come but i am determined to not let it beat me this time. I am planning and will have strategies in place.'
User 586eee5282d07
Senior Member
 
Posts: 270
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:37 pm

Re: So here i am

Postby pamela » Sat Jan 07, 2017 10:23 pm

Hi Sandra and well done on choosing the right decision to stop playing the pokies..I also played for 18 years but have been gamble free now for 19 months..once you make the decision to stop it does become easier but you will have urges that you will need to overcome.Try and find some new things to occupy yourself with..trust me there is no winning with poker machines. You have a family to consider and they need to come first. write a list of all the pros and cons of gambling . You need to retrain your brain and it can be done.When you have an urge again really stop and ask if it is really what you want to do..do you want to go and lose money because lose you will..we all have..stopping is the best thing you can you do..I wish you all the best
pamela
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Re: So here i am

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Sun Jan 08, 2017 7:03 am

Good morning,

I spent many hours yesterday reading posts on this forum, Pamela your posts and acheivements are inspirational.

Going by my history the next time i will get urges is next payday; Tuesday week. If i have no access to cash i just can,t gamble.

I am on holidays at the moment until the end of January; when i am back at work and kids are back at school is when urges will really kick in. I work from home for a company i have worked for for nearly 20 years. I can work hours of my own choosing at any time of day or night really. This means on pay day i go awol the minute i have been paid and just make sure i am home by the time the school bus arrives. How miserable and sad.

In my mind, off i go with a limit of $200, as soon as that is gone i think another $100 won,t hurt then i think another $50. From there on i think "this is too much, this will be the last time i gamble and my husband will already be angry so i may as well spend another $400 $500 and really go all out one last time"....insanity.

Iam really well respected and well paid at my job. If only they knew the truth of how i have lived my life.
I watched a movie on YouTube yesterday called " going for broke". I am going to watch this whenever i get an urge to gamble: so many similarities to me it is scary.

My main trigger seems to be "i deserve this". Not sure if that makes sense but it is like i have worked hard and desrve to have this treat. Such self delusion!!!!!

On a positive note it is such a beautiful day i have a few errands this morning and then off to the beach for a swim.

This sounds all a little jumbled and random; just trying to get thoughts out here!

Bye

Sandra
User 586eee5282d07
Senior Member
 
Posts: 270
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:37 pm

Re: So here i am

Postby pamela » Sun Jan 08, 2017 10:09 am

Sandra..you say you deserve this..we have all said that but what we do deserve is to live life without the stress of gambling..if you have no access to cards or cash then it is a bit more difficult to play the pokies..give your cards to your husband..when you get an urge..do something else ..like go to the movies..a few dollars spent for a couple of hours entertainment..as opposed to losing hundreds of dollars in the same time frame..I understand working from home makes it a bit harder..but on payday perhaps invite someone over for coffee or lunch and then you cant go..try any tactic you can..Honestly life becomes so much better and stress free..I always say..you cant change the past but you can reshape your future..so only look forward and dont dwell on the past..one baby step at a time..good luck
pamela
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Re: So here i am

Postby annnie » Sun Jan 08, 2017 11:41 am

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for sharing with us. It's a familiar story experienced by too many , I hope that with support in place you can regain control . Beach sounds like a great idea Melbourne is having great weather except beaches are not in the best condition around the bay due to the heavy rains last week so will be giving it a miss for now .

It must be difficult working from home when on your own , an enormous amount of self discipline would be required , much the same opportunity to disappear as I had even though there were things that had to be done. Those things still got done but would always make time for disappearing the priority. Not any more, no cash no play, now things get done when they should and then spend time on myself and others. A much better routine is now in place and over time will be the habit.

Assisted cleaning the gutters this morning, which turned out not to be as bad as I thought, had visions of ceilings collapsing in the next major downpour if it wasn't done soon. All good and now I have piece of mind , less stress and will celebrate the achievement with a chocolate later .

Small things mean so much these days, still a struggle at times, but finally can see how I am thinking much clearer than over the past years. It certainly takes a tight hold over us.

Keep going , and work at not allowing the addiction to have the control over you. Get angry with the machines and be honest with ourselves.

Take care.
annnie
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Posts: 201
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:07 pm

Re: So here i am

Postby Arni » Sun Jan 08, 2017 9:13 pm

Welcome Sandra and aĺl the best for the future.Breaking a pattern of behaviour is not easy but it can be done with determination and desire to stop playing machines. There is not much I can say or add everything has been mentioned by others you just have to bite the bullet so to speak and occupy that time elsewhere instead of the machines. Everybody has to start somewhere the important thing is to start and learn to say no more.Once again all the best & peace to all :)
Arni
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 8:23 pm

Re: So here i am

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Mon Jan 09, 2017 6:25 am

Good morning,

Thanks for your comments everyone. Onto day 4 today and feeling determined and strong.

Annie, i noted your comment about getting angry at the machines and have seen this elsewhere on the forum. I find this interesting as i am so angry and ashamed of myself and not sure how to transfer this anger. How do you be angry at a machine?

As pamela said , i am tryi g to change my mindset that " i deserve a treat to play the pokies" : such stupid reasoning but that that is what my logic has been until now.

I have booked tickets to take our daughters to see the hunger games exhibition in Sydney. Such a great feeling that i can at least give them this little treat they are very excited.

I have always enjoyed funiture restoration so am going to put lots of energy into this; re upholstering old chairs and that type of thing. Also going to repaint the laundry and bathroom.

My list of gambling pro,s/ cons is

Pros:
Lights/ excitement
Can zone out and not need to think abiut anything

Cons
Can zone out and not think about anything
No control can't stop once started
Anguish and despair when money wasted and gone
Turn me into a liar
Creates relationship and self esteem issues
Stops me and family doing other activities
Creates financial stress

Off for a morning walk soon, i will check in again later. Have a good day.

Bye

Sandra
User 586eee5282d07
Senior Member
 
Posts: 270
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:37 pm

Re: So here i am

Postby Arni » Mon Jan 09, 2017 7:27 am

Well I have a answer about how to get angry at the machines.These machines are programmed and designed to take your money quickly. The algorithms in the software installed in the machines works against you.....right from the start. They are programmed for near misses on good pays,getting the so called feature and free spins,and the winnings paid out .You cannot beat a computer.People say Oh they are random.....that they are so random that the odds of winning are very small. Thats not random thats pre determined by the software installed in the machines.
Every time I have ever asked anyone *any luck*always the same answer no....everyone losing.The big trap is if you happen to be very lucky and get a big pay ....you think to yourself oooh thats good ,and somewhere inside your mind you think that this will happen again.But that may not happen again for years if ever again.Once you get it in your head that playing the machines you are being cheated and robbed of your money because the odds are heavily against you..... you get angry at the machines.And to top it all off its legal....Govt makes massive amounts of revenue and the players ...well they just get f***ed over lose their money......struggle....get health problems (some people)relationships fall apart.Its all a massive illusion.Gamble responsibly......... they say like how does that work when you are playing machines...for most people it doesn't. Its always the same outcome in the end...YOU LOSE.Well you didnt lose you got robbed legally by the computer because you chose to play a game where you cannot win.Get angry at the machines...GET FURIOUS at them and stop feeding them.I know this only too well from my own *liking* to play. Its a bad habit and pattern of behaviour but it can be stopped with hard work and willpower.The next time you look at a machine.....look at it as a robber a thief because thats all it it.....just dosent have legs lol.Well it dosent need them the victims willing come to be robbed.All the best & peace to all :)
Arni
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Posts: 30
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 8:23 pm

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