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Payday blues...

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:29 am

Day 85

Nothing matters more than how distressed a friend of mine must be... her partner on life support after being hit by car.

Do I think of escaping to gambling...HELL NO!!!... that would be the most SELFISH thing.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:25 am

l'M recalling some of my posts... advice l would give to some-one in my position, Angst is a waste of energy... it would solve nothing. As natural and as right it may seem ... dealing with it will be worse had l still been gambling.

I remember reading a post which suggested printing your posts. This l will do.

I've been getting memories of times I've spend with my friends... getting upset at times that gambling had stopped me meeting up with them. It takes moments like this that regrets emerge....

yesterday... the word "selfish" kept playing on my mind... how selfish the gamble demon makes us..when things were good... there's moments where I'd be thinking its too good-. and then one thrng happens... ok ... then the next... and again ok... then the third hits like a ton of bricks... BUT its foam compared to what my friend will be feeling...

Why do we wait till we are faced with loss that life / friends / family matter more.... ?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:52 am

Day 86

Yesterday I printed my posts ... and threads I posted in 379 pages... and that is only a third... It took awhile as t spent lots of time reading them ... felt much better after awhile... more positive than I think I felt prior as the posts that leapt out were much encouraging.

l now question what happen to me yesterday... I think I was in a panic of sorts Relapse stories and struggles seem to do that to me. Did I subconsciously fight the gamble demon? Consciously l had NO urge to gamble.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby DFP » Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:54 pm

Stay strong Mona! Awful news about your friend. I think we are wired to look at gambling as an escape whenever we have to work through difficulties. So the emotional reaction is escape and an instant fix. You did well to resist. Congratulations!!
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 3:00 pm

Day 87 ...

A payday...I cannot ... I don't think there ever was a day I'd not needed to go shopping.... l went yesterday..

I've a NEW habit... an addiction to Bunnings... especially in the garden section where they put the half live plants in need of TLC .
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:07 am

Day 90...

Life has become liveable... peaceful even... that's 'today.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Oregon » Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:08 am

Love your last update Mona. :D
Gamble free since 22.01.18
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:26 pm

Thanks Oregon : congrats on 45 days GF (?)



Day 91GF

Friend passed away yesterday ...

Visited stepmother today ...

.,.triggered a split second ''pokie though" but was easy to disregard it with a quick reminder that I DO NOT gamble anymore. And that was it.

Life went on being livable... other people's lives are just that their life...

nice to be able to buy coffee and choc croissant with the touch of the card... and not think anymore of it than it being a coffee and a croissant...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:36 am

Day 93... inching towards my first 100.

Yesterday I'd keep thinking about that coffee and choc croissant ... it wasn't just a coffee and croissant.( that is twice I'd brought that same coffee and croissant.)

I know in posts I'd sometimes read about "rewards" ... rewarding good behaviour? I think it is reward enough NOT to gamble and be in a reasonable peaceful state of being.

Did I really enjoy that coffee and croissant,... If I be honest the answer is Not really the coffee was like warm milk and choc croissant was dry and choc in it was hard and tasteless! The one good thing about it was that I wanted it and could pay for it because I was NO LONGER GAMBLING! l could do better to have made a sandwiche and a flask of coffee at home thus put the money towards something else...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jan 15, 2018 12:49 pm

I finally have an ironing board cover!

I've wanted / needed one for over 5 years! A couple of weeks ago I'd picked up some nice upholstery material.

Today my sewing machine saw light for the first time in years!

That was fun!

I even had my neighbor drive me to Bunning this morning to get more soil and I brought a couple more terracotta pots.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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