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My Last Day One

The 100 Day Challenge is a program where you set your goals - reduce your gambling or stop gambling altogether, it's up to you. Log onto the 100 Day Challenge website to follow the real stories of four Australians trying to give up gambling for inspiration and get the tools and support you need to find the real you. Click here to sign up, and post about your own challenge here on the Gambling Help Online Community Forum!


Re: My Last Day One

Postby happyfeet » Sun Jun 17, 2018 2:36 pm

Hi JC,

I’ve just read all your posts since April, and have got to say thank you so much for being so open regarding your road to recovery.

My ex-boyfriend (aged 22) was a compulsive gambler, and even though we’re not together, I am still backing him and have every hope that he will battle this to the end, just like you are!

Just like you said, take it one day at a time. I know you’re feeling your lowest right now, but trust me when I say there’ll come a time you can feel those same highs again - and not from sports betting! You’ll get your happiness through so many different avenues, whether it be friends or family or travelling or picking up a new hobbie (fishing?). You are so so young and have so much ahead of you, and you are bigger than what has taken over you for 5 years. Keep powering through! One day at a time my friend.
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby How the F did I get here » Sun Jun 17, 2018 6:47 pm

Congrats buddy on 50!
You have done so well!
All the posting and reading posts on here has done you well!
I get what you are saying about a gaping whole and feeling empty without gambling.
Whilst I am feeling so much better, happier without gambling it still feels like something's missing.
But Im sure as time goes on it will only get better.
Keep up the great work.
How the F did I get here
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby Jc » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:02 pm

Thanks so much for the kind words guys! Means a lot.

Cant say its been easy. Felt like absolute crap. Other than having more money on me, Im so irritable.
After work, I drive past the TAB (have no choice - theres no other route) honestly get the shakes everytime I pass it. Im so used to going there after work...
Jc
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby happyfeet » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:06 pm

Every time you fight that urge, is another achievement to add to the shelf I say.

I know we say take it by day, but if that’s even too hard, take it by each hour. “For this hour, I won’t gamble”. You’re so much stronger than you realise.
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby Jc » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:34 pm

I don’t get much urges anymore - its more of the fact that I feel so desolate. As ive said, I havent really confessed to anyone. Parents are out of the question: maybe I will confess to some friends. I just dont want to be defined by my gambling addiction. Thats not who I am.

To be honest, id rather feel like this any day of the week rather than the guilt and shame of gambling week after week, pay check after pay check. The countless lies Ive told.

I was once planning on telling my parents that Id lost a lot of money. Not from gambling, but I wouldve made up some elaborate lie that i lost it on some shady bitcoin or some bad investments etc just so they could help me out. I honestly dont think i could live with myself if I did that.
Jc
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby Cazza » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:39 pm

Hi jc hope you are feeling better. After reading heaps of different post i find that so many of us hit that certain speed hump around the same time.

That pesky, you are going so well, lets just spend $50 or i am going to feel like this always so i might as well gamble, or the best one. I have shown myself i can quit so i should be able to spend a certain amount per week because I love gambling.

Reread your post from the start. Ask yourself do i really want to go back to day 1. Much strength and support to you jc. Just one day more 😊
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby Cazza » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:44 pm

Would you go to a GA meeting maybe. Saying it to people face to face would i imagine lighten the load some what.
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby Jc » Wed Jun 20, 2018 1:24 am

Heres an excerpt from post from 2016 that I uploaded to my own private tumblr page. I made a really long post titled ‘The Ramblings of a Disgruntled Problem Gambler’. This is one small part, where I mention how I blew through almost 5K in one week.

I can actually pinpoint the time where I said enough is enough. At that point, I had lost a lot of money betting. I was down to almost my last $100. This last bet was paying 2 grand and I was so close to winning it. It would’ve erased a lot of problems for me. I honestly don’t remember how I lost, but I know I lost in a grand fashion - my bet was on course to win and I was practically counting my money. And then I lost. Once I lost…I began to sob uncontrollably. Tears just streamed from my eyes - it wasn’t that silent weeping either, I was sputtering and crying. It was the 'What have I done?’ Moment. It had finally hit me. I cried for almost an hour. In hindsight it’s funny- because even though I lost my money - this time, I didn’t put myself in debt. Unlike the previous times. You would think that I learned my lesson from 2015. But I did not. You’d think after I became in debt that I’d cry uncontrollably. I just didn’t learn my lesson when I was supposed to. That’s how ******* naive and stupid I am. Yet This time the harsh realities set in.


This is 2016. Youd think Id hit rock bottom and had that wake up call, but it took another two years after that.
Jc
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby chilaxis » Wed Jun 20, 2018 11:22 am

Your Tumblr post in 2016 is a good warning for us all to keep vigilant and remember the hurt gambling causes us.

You've done well JC - keep up with the posts and reading of others' posts. We're gonna break this habit!
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Re: My Last Day One

Postby Jc » Wed Jun 20, 2018 6:21 pm

So I almost got triggered browsing through facebook. A sponsored ad from TAB came up with a winning multibet ticket that 80 grand from like $20.
Unfortunately you cant block pages on fb, but you can ‘see less like this’. Ive pressed that so many timea yet TAB and other bookmakers ads still comes up occasionally. 😞
Jc
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