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Day 5 = Lapse #1

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Day 5 = Lapse #1

Postby SistaB » Thu Feb 08, 2018 9:18 pm

So disappointed in myself. I hit the pokies after work so feel like a right idiot and hating myself.

Soon as I got home I locked my bank card in the safe.

Why did I do it? Cos I didnt want to come home to an empty house. My partner is away for work overnight and I just didnt want to come home alone. Not the first time I've gambled in that situation.

Now that I've sit down and thought about it, I'm going to really try not beat myself up.

Positives from todays lapse:

I didnt spend ALL of my money and I walked out after less than 2 hours.

I know the bills are paid, I even had money to put a full tank of fuel in the car.

It felt different tonight playing the pokies. I wasnt anxious and to be honest, I didnt really enjoy myself. Was quite bored with it. Think that's a good start, cos who wants to continue doing something that's boring.

I know I didnt do enough to distract myself from the urge. MUST FIGHT IT
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Re: Day 5 = Lapse #1

Postby DFP » Thu Feb 08, 2018 10:26 pm

In my opinion, that voice that tells yourself "I don't want to go back to an empty house" is the disease talking. It is legitimising your decision to go - you need to train yourself to identify and resist such devious excuses.
Stay strong. And use this as further evidence that you are powerless over the pokies and that you cannot control yourself, and that total abstinence is all that can work for you. It is a hard lesson - accepting that you are powerless over the pokies.
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: Day 5 = Lapse #1

Postby Mona58 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 8:36 am

Hi Sista,

Your statement "an empty house" played in my mind since I read it. Surely your house is not empty, Fighting Urges are mentally & physically drainIng. Clearing out a cupboard, Finding a cookbook and making something new. Cleaning the house ....the list is long. Even diverting to the supermarket or shopping centre... Will help occupy your mind and distract from the urge ... the resuit is much nicer. Changing habits, routines and rituals takes time to get used to eventually it becomes second nature.

Keep Fighting! Keep Strong!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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