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Just Told My Wife

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Just Told My Wife

Postby ActiveMatt » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:26 pm

Hi guys.

I wanted to share my quick story.

Yesterday on 28/11/2017 I tolf my wife absolutely everything in relationship to my gambling.

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and hopefully the last hardest thing. Never would I think i'd have a panic attack or cry uncontrollably for my mistakes when all was revealed to her. Fortunately she decided to not leave me and work things out.

Without her knowledge I secretly gambled away $20,000 in Credit card debt, 14,000 in a personal loan debt and then $5,000 from our savings account.
a total of $39,000!! We also have a another personal loan debt unrelated to gambling. The total I owe now because of my mistakes is now $70,000 in bad debt.

I know that this is going to be a hard long road paying these bad debts off in a realistic time frame but im looking forward to the challange. What makes this possible is that she now knows and I have nothing to hide from her. All is out there and her support is amazing.

It will take time to regain her trust and forgiveness. It will take time but going to face to face gamblers help sessions will help us.

I'm only a short time in but my advice to anyone hiding a similar problem is to come out clean to someone you trust, rip it off like a band aide. There is no right time but however you decide in your right way will hopefully help. For me a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders and things are starting to become clearer.

If your someone thinking of gambling credit like I did in the hope of clearing other debts, I advise against it, it didn't end well with me and I was playing the game that has the best odds to win-baccarat. You can't beat the system and it's not designed that way.

I hope my story has given some insight to others in my position- your not alone. we will get there

Thanks for reading

Matt from Melbourne
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby Mona58 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:34 pm

Hi Matt

Well done and thank you for sharing.

Wishing you all the best henceforth.

Mona in day 46 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby Jeddie » Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:05 pm

Thanks Matt, it’s very hard to tell those you love about your gambling and it must be absolutely devastating for your poor wife to take on such a debt. You must be a loving couple . I wish you all the best and keep posting here so we can all help you on your way..


Approx 60 days gf
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby Trackgambler » Sat Dec 02, 2017 4:13 pm

Hi,

I also just told my wife the other day, and what a weight lifted off my shoulders. I have squandered over $50k in the last year betting heavily on horses, dog and trotters. Always chasing money i was down for the day. Most of what i lost, and i bet every day, was probably over only 10-15 days. Worst losses was 10k in one day, and 8k in another.

I honestly cant believe she was so "good" about it. She has major depression problems and basically said that i have a disease just like she does. Cant believe how quickly something like this takes hold of you, and that i couldnt resist the chase in trying to win back losses.

Since then i have closed and self excluded from over 10 online bookies that i had open, and i have a filter on the computers at home. I have no thoughts of going to the tab, never have, just was way too easy to get hooked online, watching races all arvo and night.

Best wishes to you mate and for both our recoveries, both mentally and financially. I have plenty of debt on credit card, and line of credit to catch up on now. But catch up is what i must do.
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby Jeddie » Sat Dec 02, 2017 4:53 pm

Wow, Trackgambler. Well done, sending best wishes and keep on talking to us all for support. Fantastic news


64 days Gf
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby Trackgambler » Sat Dec 02, 2017 5:00 pm

Thanks , 4 day GF today . Not even really thinking about it. Have a family holiday in just over a week, and nearly destroyed that, but was just able to cover it with borrowing. Now to enjoy that, and then to not throwing money away again ;)
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby DFP » Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:35 am

Well done Track gambler. Based on my own experience, I think the main strategies that work are 1. Limit access to cash (urges can come at any time, so don't have money on you to succumb); 2. Tell people close to you, so that you are accountable (they can help you control your money too if that helps); 3. Avoid the venue / exclusion.
You have these covered which is great. Only other advice I can offer is to guard against complacency. You will always be a gambler, so work hard on staying quit. Daily. Forever.

Well done DFP
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby ActiveMatt » Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:35 am

Track gambler,

Well done for coming clean! It’s good to know we are both not alone in our journey to get our life back!

I do hope you have a fantastic holiday! Your wife sounds amazing in that she wants to help you. Depression and gambling can be very similar so glad she understands .

Keep me posted on your recovery.
Your an inspiration to us all wanting to reclaim your life.
Great job!

Matt
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby ActiveMatt » Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:42 am

DFP

Thanks for your advice too
You are very right- we will always be a gambler and noticing that is a great key to moving forward.

It’s taken me 3 times to finally realise my issues. What’s different is my wife knows and I have support- something I never had previously .

Have you felt tempted during your recovery? What have you done to stop yourself ?

Cheers!
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Re: Just Told My Wife

Postby DFP » Mon Dec 04, 2017 7:53 pm

Hi Matt. Yes felt tempted many many times. I think the phrase "prevention is better than a cure" is a good guide. Read a lit of posts to see that you are not alone; also pick-up tips and strategies. For me, the most risky times are when I am out drinking or if I am away with work. In both cases, my main strategy is limiting access to cash - credit card with no cash access and a small amount of actual dollars. As time goes by, I found myself discovering (or rediscovering) interests and then I'd make these a greater priority than going out - and that was useful.

So there's no silver bullet. You have to quit and stay quit one day at a time. Read the posts, share your thoughts, go to GA if you can. And if you do slip up, hopefully it won't be too bad (if you have limited cash) and you then just need to forgive yourself and get back to being quit.
Always a 'work in progress'
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