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Self Sabotage

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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby Desperate » Fri Aug 11, 2017 6:47 am

30th July 2017: The last day I went into a venue - I want it to stay that way! This morning it dawned on me that gambling makes you think you are not worthy of anything, you deserve no better, you are useless, weak and pathetic - gambling drives you down a path of self destruction (I should be say ME here not YOU sorry) but this is a post about myself talking to myself I suppose. IT'S A BIG FAT LIE!!

Everyone deserves a better life.

Before I started gambling I had a house - a home - I kept busy doing productive things, meaningful things. I cared for others and myself. Once I was in the grip of gambling I still cared for others but I couldn't count the massive amounts of lies I've told to hide my deep dark secret.

I grew up being told I deserved nothing, that I would never make anything of myself, that I was useless. I was continually compared to my siblings who are both wealthy, successful,married with close relationships with their children. The total opposite of me.

Well, now here I am sitting at the bottom of the barrel - with 2 credit card debts, an overdraft and nothing to show for my 30 odd years of hard work. It's a dark place but I'm not staying here and I don't want to put even one dollar in those insidious freakin' pokie machines ever again. I am done.

There is no "maybe you will have a win and it will help reduce the debt" "there is no back up money for bills or if I get sick" "there is no family to help" "there are no friends" I really have reached the absolute lowest point I can reach. But instead of beating myself up, every pay day I am going to put something into a savings account - even if it's only $10 - and watch it grow albeit slowly. I will take pride in every dollar I put toward reducing the outstanding debt I have created. And by the end of the year I want to be six months gambling free - now that would be freedom!

My brain reminds me every morning of where I could have been if I had not gambled, I can't stop that but what I can do is consciously counter that thought with the fact that I am finally working hard to stop. And one day, a number of years from now, my brain will remind me every morning that I am debt free (even if I will never own another home).
Desperate
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Joined: Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:48 am

Re: Self Sabotage

Postby pamela » Fri Aug 11, 2017 10:37 am

Desperate you are so right...dont dwell on.what you have lost but think of what you can do from being gamble free..forget the past..it can't be undone.look to tomorrow and what a gamble free life can offer
pamela
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