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This time it feels like I really can do this

The 100 Day Challenge is a program where you set your goals - reduce your gambling or stop gambling altogether, it's up to you. Log onto the 100 Day Challenge website to follow the real stories of four Australians trying to give up gambling for inspiration and get the tools and support you need to find the real you. Click here to sign up, and post about your own challenge here on the Gambling Help Online Community Forum!


Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby Kim » Fri May 12, 2017 7:50 am

Wow it is amazing to think after 16 months Deb there are still cravings. Makes me think how this really is a lifelong addiction. You can't let it creep back in. I too have moments where I think about times on the machines. But the truth is the thought was so far removed from the reality of the experience when I did give in to the craving. It was mostly revolting when I really think about it. Full of fear..anxiety..arguments with my partner over this stupid machine..stupid superstitions ..toward the end I think I was going crazy with it. I used to do this thing where I would stroke my partners machine if he was losing and make a purring noise like a cat and when the win came say see I calmed the machine down. You got a win!! How INSANE is that??? Lol..it actually makes me laugh! I know you do see people touching their machines and that is what started happening to me towards the end and I used to bag those people out a bit at first or feel sorry for them. I remember that my counsellor had spoken about how people had feelings like they were in love with the machines.. like a romantic experience and I can relate to that. It was part of the intoxication for me. My poor partner!! I am laughing about it now so I'm ok. 48 days today!! Xxx
Kim
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby pamela » Sat May 13, 2017 10:36 am

Hi Kim..yes we can look back and wonder about our behaviour and what we tried to increase our luck..quite ridiculous really ..you are doing really well so sit back and be proud..have a great weekend
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby Debra » Sun May 14, 2017 6:03 pm

50 days!!!!
Woo hoo!
I hope you've had an amazing day and you're so happy that you're pinching yourself! Xxx
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby 1dayatatime » Sun May 14, 2017 8:53 pm

Hope you hit the 50 kim!!
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby Kim » Tue May 16, 2017 2:54 pm

Aarghhh no. I didn't make it!!! I dunno what came over me as I was feeling so strong as I'm sure anyone that read my posts would have seen. It's strange but I feel more guilty writing this here in terms of we are all here pulling together than I do about the act itself. Does that make sense? Like I feel that i have let people here down because you know when you see people here succeeding that is such a huge motivator so therefore if you fall its like saying I can't do this. Giving the addiction power. I really don't want to be admitting I failed but I need this forum and the people here so I have to fess up. Sorry to disappoint anyone. I guess at the end of the day all I can do is get straight back on..it's day 3 again gf already and I am the sort of person that will fess up and then go right that's it if I can do 50 days shy of one and it truly felt easy the whole time up until Saturday then I am going to beat that record this time. My spirit hasn't been beaten down put it that way.
Kim
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby Shirley (facilitator) » Tue May 16, 2017 4:00 pm

Hey Kim, rarely do we master a new skill in life overnight. You have done remarkably well to get this far with not gambling and there is no reason you cannot do it again. The important thing is that you use this slip up as a learning opportunity so that you can look at what happened objectively, so as to have a different strategy / outcome next time around. Beating yourself up about the lapse isn't going to help anyone and we know that. Some things to think about are - what happened before the lapse that caused you to gamble? What would have helped you in that moment? How could you do things differently in future?Taking time to answer these questions will allow you the skills to learn and grow which is all we can do.

Best, Shirley
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby Kim » Tue May 16, 2017 5:23 pm

Thanks Shirley 😊 I really appreciate what you're saying. I think the problem was a bit of drinking and being in the city in an unusual environment brought on a sudden impulsive moment and I felt no guilt or thought of repercussions and just went with it. I guess the regret comes later when I think about a few things such as today was going to be day 53 so I have to start again. The thing that gives me comfort is i feel the utmost confidence that I will do at least 50 days again. And I feel no urges and I still see and know that gambling is damaging for me. Before when I would have a lapse I would go back very quickly to a venue whereas now I know that I can't do that. I know is a slippery slope whereas in the past few years somehow I would keep getting dragged back in as soon as I lapsed. I feel ok so trying not to beat myself up too much and I think my response to this is as healthy as it could be in my own mind and heart.
Kim
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby pamela » Tue May 16, 2017 11:26 pm

Hi Kim,dont beat yourself up just start again.Unfortunately those situations will arise again so you just need to be able to fight the urge.I have been gamble free for nearly 2 years now and I go to a pokie venue and I actually find the noise quite repulsive..funny how I used to love all the sounds of machines and the clinking of dollar coins but now it annoys me..it takes time..dont be discouraged
Pam
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby blastoise (facilitator) » Wed May 17, 2017 1:04 pm

Hi Kim,

I know it's disappointing, but it's a process of change, and one thing that many people say is that is becomes easier each time, as they learn new things and triggers. It's a difficult battle at times, but we are here to support you through it. 53 days is better than 3 days, so I'd be proud of yourself for that :)

Keep up the good work Kim, you're a great contributor and support

Regards,
Blastoise
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Re: This time it feels like I really can do this

Postby Debra » Wed May 17, 2017 3:09 pm

Hey Kim.
Don't beat yourself up over it, you're doing an amazing job, and accountability is a great tool in this battle, so you're on the right track.
I still those urges when I've had a few drinks and I'm feeling free and footloose, I totally get it, It's so normal. I'm still so proud of you, you're amazing.
Deb xx
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