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Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns and get some helpful tips.

Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Postby Nim » Tue Mar 27, 2018 2:35 pm

Hi All,
I am so new to this and really dont know where to start.
My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 3. Ive known he likes to put money on games and horses for a long time but always trusted he was managing it and never really thought too much of it as he always paid his half of all the bills etc. So no harm done.

Middle of last year he told me he had messed up and gambled with a credit card for a total of $1200 (maxed it). We cut up his credit cards, closed the accounts and he self excluded himself from the betting apps etc. I was confident that was that.

Since then he did want to joining a footy tipping comp and somehow ended up finding other betting agents that he hadnt self excluded from - but as far as i was aware, he was just doing footy tipping and putting the odd $5 - $10 on a game to make it interesting.

We recently built our first home and moved in, My husband asked me if he could quit his job and find another one because he was soo stressed and hated going in there. Initially i said he couldnt because we need both incomes and that we now had a mortgage, but he ended up getting stress induced stomach ulcers so he resigned but promised me it would never effect me financially because he had some savings and he would also get paid out $5k of annual leave which will all cover his half of the bills until he found another job.

2 weeks after he resigned, he seemed broken, so depressed and just a shell of himself. I asked him what was wrong and thats when he came clean. He had borrowed and gambled $35k over the past 3 weeks ($15k on a credit card and $20k with a personal loan) and also blew the $5k payout he got from his work. He was all of a sudden, unemployed, depressed and not a cent to his name.

I dont know how to deal with this. He is seeing a councillor, and he is now trying his hardest to get a job - ive told him he needs to get two jobs. We are going to go to a GA meeting on thursday night but my head is still spining. I feel like i will never trust him ever again. He lied to me SOOO many times - and sooo convincingly!

He is still showing signs of not being accountable for his actions, saying things like "he should sue the banks for lending him the money" etc. I am so hurt, and now as i am the only one with a job i have to pay his way. I feel so betrayed. He only told me because he had to. The lies would have continued if he was winning not losing. How did i not notice! How do we get passed this and survive!

Any advice you can give would be great.
Nim
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Re: Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Postby JinxyWolf » Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:25 pm

Hi Nim and Welcome,

Sorry to hear about your struggles but glad to hear your husband is getting help. I know that he only told you because he had too and that is the way this addiction usually rears its head. We get to the stage where we have no where else to hid and we have to accept the truth and let someone in. This is the hardest step for a gambler, admitting that they have lost control and need help. It takes a lot of courage to admit this and I know that you are hurting, through no fault of you own but try to understand just how hard it must have been for your husband to tell you what he had done.

It is going to take time for your husband to fully understand the consequences his gambling has had on both you and himself. As a recovering gambling addict I know it takes time for the gambling fog to clear and see the truth of just what we have lost. He will be angry for a while, but know that this anger is coming from a place of guilt and shame for his actions. He may lash out eg blaming the banks etc, but it is not with the intent to shift blame it's simply him realizing just what his gambling has cost him.

But in saying that you also have to protect yourself. You can support your husband on this journey but you still need barriers for yourself as well in case he lapse which can happen on the journey to becoming gamble free. It might be worth you going to a councellor as well on your own, ask questions, tell them what you fear and they will have some ideas on how you can support your husband but also how to protect yourself.

I wish you all the best

JinxyWolf
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Re: Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Postby Nim » Thu Mar 29, 2018 11:00 am

Thank you for taking the time to reply Jinxywolf. Your words and advice really mean alot right now. I know your right and that he is on the right path now and I am just hoping and praying that he takes this as seriously as i need him to.

He has his first GA meeting tonight, im really hoping that it really helps him to understand the enormity of the situation.

I will book in to see someone, and i will be attending a Gam Anon meeting (they arent running this sunday because its easter)

This is by far the hardest thing i have ever had to go through, i can feel the people around us judging and i am slowly realising that this is a forever thing not temporary and i find that thought very overwhelming.

Onwards and upwards though hopefully!

Thanks again for your input!!
Nim
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Re: Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Postby JoMc » Fri May 18, 2018 6:11 am

Hi Nim
I just wondered how it was all going?
I just made a similar discovery myself this weekend.
Jomc
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Re: Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Postby eg82 » Sun May 20, 2018 9:32 am

Hi Nim,
I've just joined this forum today. I feel like I should have been here many years ago.

My husband has been an addict since I first met him. I just swept it under the rug but it's always been a financial strain on us. We now have 3 kids so something needs to change.

He went to the footy in Melbourne yesterday with 2 'mates' and didn't get home until 5 am (we live 2 hours away) and had been to Crown Casino and gambled all our money way, including the money for groceries for the week. Anyway, this week he took out a short-term loan for $1500 and it's all gone. He has come to the realization that he needs help and is in an awful state. The trail of lies is mounting and I don't actually know what other debts he has.

I wanted to see how things were going with your husband and what steps you initially took. I've told him he's to call someone today or I can't help him anymore. I just don't know what to do and that's how I got here.
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Re: Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Postby dragon007 (facilitator) » Sun May 20, 2018 9:53 am

Hi eg82

I am dragon007, I am one of the moderators on the forum.

Welcome to the forum.

A start for your husband is to call us on Gambling Helpline - 1800 858 858, it is a 24/7 telephone counselling service, we can talk about his gambling and make referrals to face to face counselling services, support groups and also financial counsellors to help with debts.
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Re: Just found out my Husband is a gambling addict Help

Postby DesperateWife » Wed Jul 04, 2018 11:57 am

Hi Nim,

Your situation is so similar to mine. I only found out that my husband has been gambling this past Saturday.

I knew he enjoyed footy tipping through the apps on his phone. I started to get suspicious when we won free tickets to big events through the TAB. He told me it was just from tipping and he wasn’t actually spending any money.

He then told me he had maxed out a credit card to $18,000 but didn’t disclose the gambling. He said he had trouble budgeting for our wedding and he got the credit card to pay for our honeymoon and other wedding related things. He didn’t disclose the gambling though. We made a repayment plan and that was that.

I only found out because I found some suspicious bank statements and confronted him about them. He tried to keep lying initially but told me about his gambling when he realised he couldn’t get away with it. There’s another debt of $4000 that I didn’t know about but that’s it according to him. He’s been betting through apps on his phone and visiting the TAB behind my back. Apparently $8000 of the credit card was spent on gambling, not the wedding.

My head is spinning too and my anxiety is through the roof. He says he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get better but I’m petrified he won’t follow through.

I hope your husband has started to make positive changes. Sad to hear that you’re going through the same situation as me. Hopefully we can get through this together.
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