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How do I help my mum

Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns and get some helpful tips.

How do I help my mum

Postby Ernie12 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 10:17 pm

Since my daughter was born 6 months ago my mother has been very distant, not really excited, not helpful in any way and honestly the best way to describe her is flaky. We own a business together and the idea was that we would tag team My daughter a bit, but I would turn up for work expecting Mum to babysit and usually she has gone home for the day already.

Today she called me to meet her and told me that she has a gambling problem. And has been gambling for the past 12 months. She is currently $120,000 in debt (40k on credit cards and 80k redrawn off her home loan) and spent all there savings, so lord knows how much she has spent. Yesterday she took $10,000 from our business cash to be banked and lost it too.
My husband and I have been at a loss as to why we have not been making much of a profit lately..... I think we have found our answer.

She then asked me to tell my dad, her husband and she went to a friends house for the night because she couldn’t face him and asked me to give him a letter and she asked me to read it too. I read it but my dad refused to. She said she has been suicidal and the only thing stopping her was wanting to see my daughter grow up.

I don’t really know the purpose of this post I just needed to unload and hopefully receive some encouragement as I have kind of been left to deal with this a bit. I have a plan of action to help her pay the money back and spoke to a gambling counselling line about how to move forward and even they were shocked at the amount of money.
I feel sorry for my mum that she has essentially missed out on the last 6 months of My daughters life because she was sitting in a dark room pressing a button. The signs were there and I noticed them but honestly thought she was too responsible to actually get into trouble.
Honestly I love my mum and just want to help her get better and I’m at a loss as what to do.
Ernie12
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Re: How do I help my mum

Postby Mona58 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:38 am

Hi Ernie

Your mother is very lucky to have a beautiful caring and loving daughter like you. Your mother has taken the first step to admitting her problem . You have taken your first step to calling for help and having a plan of action. All it takes from now is time , patience and understandIng. It will be a tough road for you your family and your mother.

l am a gambler and I can say is it Is an awful rut to have got stuck into. l don't know if it would help but reading some of the posts of gamblers might help you understand parts of your mothers frame of mind.

I am a mother and grandmother and I have spoken with my daughter about it . I will not downplay the fact that l have not got myself in debt but I spend every spare money I had at the pokies ... Understanding how those machines are programmed to be addictive might help. There is a program called Kaching Pokie Nation ... people recommend it ... perhaps you and your mother can watch it together.

You have a new baby and have taken on so much. You must remember that you are the most important person to take care of . Your baby needs you first and foremost. You can tell your mother that she is not alone and there is help for her... guide her to it and the rest is up to her.

I wish you all the very best for the future. ... once again You are a beautiful and loving daughter your mother is lucky and your baby is too.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: How do I help my mum

Postby Jeddie » Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:42 am

Hi Ernie12, I can’t help you but just want to let you know that I have read your story. It’s very sad and I wish there was a magic bullet that would fix it all. I am sure someone will come on over the next few days with advice.
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: How do I help my mum

Postby Springhope17 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 8:57 pm

Hi Ernie,

I agree with what Mona said - make sure you look after yourself!

I would recommend calling gamblers helpline they can help you and offer advice on how to help your mum.

In the meantime I would recommend both you and your dad take financial control - make sure mum doesn't have any access to cash! You must protect yourself from any further financial loss, Things can always get worse and its such an emotional time right now and that can be a trigger to continue to gamble. Your mum has an addiction and she needs help to beat this. Good thing is she is finally admitting her problem and asking for help this is a big step!

Please call the helpline it is for family effected as well as for gamblers.

Take care.
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Re: How do I help my mum

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:59 pm

I agree with Springhope,

Separate your finances. Relapsing is common with gambling difficulties, if she has taken money from your business she may well do it again. Have a talk with a financial counselor, they can help out immensely with financial difficulties. in many cases they can offer debt free consolidation loans, and can sometimes even put holds on peoples mortgages. What they offer differs depending on each individuals financial position. But they are worth a call. Just call (or get your mother to call) The financial counselling hotline (1800 007 007).

There are a few different groups that you can talk to that will help you to deal with your mothers gambling problem.
Gamblers Helpline (1800 858 858), or Gam Annon. Gam Annon is like Gamblers Anonymous, but it is designed for friends and family members of gamblers rather than gamblers themselves. http://gaaustralia.org.au/gam-anon/

You are in an incredibly difficult position, but there is lots of free help available. use it.
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