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What if I'm not strong enough?

Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns and get some helpful tips.

What if I'm not strong enough?

Postby goldengirl » Sat Apr 08, 2017 8:24 pm

My husband & I have two small children (18 months & 2 1/2). He sat me down tonight to tell me he had maxed out our credit card with a $10,000 limit due to gambling on sports. This happened in the last 6 weeks & I tried to stay calm so I didn't cry in front of our children. We are on one income & although we are fortunate to have a good income, we dont have the cashflow to dig our way out of this much debt without it putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. I stay home with our boys & have considered going back to work but our youngest has medical conditions that need watching closely so I cannot sacrifice his health for this situation. My father has a mental ilness & I care for him & manage his finances to keep him independant. My grandmother is pallative & I visit her as much as I can whilst buying clothes, blankets etc to keep her comfortable. I am just under so much pressure to look after all these people I love dearly but I am scared I can't do all of this plus get us out of this debt & make sure my husband doesn't do this to us again. He did it 5 years ago & it was $5,000 now its $10,000. I'm afraid it will happen again & the fact that he has lied & only come to me when he can't get any more money hurts my heart. I can see he's genuinely upset with himself & he's going to sell his collectables to help pay it back but I feel angry that he's handballing me talking to the bank & taking over all finances but has not mentioned getting rid of his online betting account. What on earth do I do? I feel so silly for not knowing how to handle this & I feel so heavy carrying so much already. The pressure is extreme & I'm scared I can't do all of this. At the same time I know I have to because there is nobody else. Please, what do I do now?
goldengirl
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Re: What if I'm not strong enough?

Postby Mightbethelaststraw » Sun Apr 09, 2017 10:01 am

Sorry to hear about your situation. It's not fair you've been asked to take on the finances but make sure you do. Take away those temptations asap, otherwise you could end up with a lot more debt.

Is he will to go to counselling?
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Re: What if I'm not strong enough?

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Thu Apr 13, 2017 2:11 pm

Hi goldengirl,

It sounds like you are in a huge financial problem at the moment and your husband has caused all the damage. It also sounds to me like you are taking responsibility for all the finances. He has caused the problems, but you are looking at working more and organizing everything. That is actually really common.

Gamblers change their habits when the consequences of gambling outweigh the benefits. Unfortunately gambling is exciting, so the consequences have to be huge and obvious. It is often easier for gamblers to simply allow others to fix their problems. No problems, no need to change gambling. Gamblers tend to cause problems for others more than themselves and are unlikely to change when people rescue them from consequences.

of course that is incredibly difficult if you have joint assets. His gambling then can cost YOU. It sounds like his gambling is escalating and you are the one that has to deal with all the problems. The only thing you can do to keep your money safe is to separate your finances. This will shift the consequences of gambling from hurting you, to hurting him only. This is what motivates people to change. Of course separating your finances can be Easier said than done. There are many different things that you can do to fix your financial problems. Financial counselors are great at helping people to get out of debt incurred through gambling. You can talk to one by calling the financial counseling hotline (1800 007 007).

What you can do to help your partner is to talk with a gambling counselor yourself. Gambling counselors are great at helping people to talk to their partners about Gambling. call Gamblers Helpline (18000 858 858)

I know everything must seem overwhelming right now, but there are some really good support services out there that are expert at helping people in your situation. Give them a call.
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Re: What if I'm not strong enough?

Postby Emma » Thu Apr 20, 2017 11:12 pm

It sounds like you are really strong already - with a huge amount going on, looking after and being responsible for a lot of people. But no doubt you are strong enough to go on!!

Being the wife of a gambler, i found it really beneficial to go to a counsellor myself, get some strategies, voice my anxiety and stress etc. Especially having to look after kids, then take on the responsibility of the entire household budget and get out of debt - when you yourself are not working. Feel powerless yet you are responsible for everything. Its just some time to acknowledge how stressful it is for you.

It wasn't successful in my case - demanding them to cancel their online account. But then, when one is shut down, there are probably others that can be opened. It is my opinion that they shouldn't have access to cash. Give your hubby an allowance. Then it doesn't matter if he has betting accounts, no money no gambling. Whilst we were in debt due to gambling, further gambling was really hard to take. But it continued, whenever he had money to spare, it went into the accounts. Like i said, it didn't happen with my situation.

Keep trucking on. E.
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Re: What if I'm not strong enough?

Postby Noah (facilitator) » Fri Apr 21, 2017 10:36 am

Hi Golden Girl,
I'm Noah, one of the facilitators here. There is absolutely nothing to feel silly about - this stuff can be complex to figure out.. especially if you don't have support! I just wanted to make sure you were aware that as a significant other, you are eligible for free counselling and specialist gambling financial counselling through a Gamblers Help Service. Specialist Gambling Financial Counsellors can assist you to set things up so that you and your kids are as financially protected as possible. It's all free of charge. As previously mentioned, you can call Gamblers Helpline on: 1800 858 858 to get the details of the service closest to you.
The other thing that may give you a bit more peace of mind is that you can download general gambling site blocking programs on your electronic devices. Here's a link to some options to download gambling filtering products: https://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/m ... -all-forms
This is just really another post to check in and see how you are travelling with it all and if you would like any other support or advice in the what the next step might be to manage this.
Take care and keep in touch!
Noah
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