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Need help: My bf gambling. I wish he knows how suffer I am

Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns and get some helpful tips.

Need help: My bf gambling. I wish he knows how suffer I am

Postby June44 » Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:08 pm

Hi, I am new to this website. I am suffered from my bf gambling problem. I need help and any suggestion what to do to make him get help.

We have been together for a year. He is very good bf, very caring, supportive and our relationship was like my dream came true. Later, I found he does gambling but never thought it was really bad and he addicts to it until around 5 months after relationship. Our weekend happy time become hell for me. After he gets paid he will head to casino or sport club and most time he loses all money including money that supposes to be for rent and bills. Many times he has to borrow my money even he gets paid double from my salary. He told me he used to win big money and he believes he will win again. His brain is full of gambling. He knows he needs more money to pay a debt and his solution is go gambling more because he believes he will win but end up losing even more money.

Usually, he is very sweet and funny person but when he loses money he becomes a totally different person. He gets angry easily and blames everyone or everything else that make he loses money except himself then we fight. Pretty much every week things repeat the same for the past half year. Even though we were together for not a very long time but we get along very well. Our families are happy and we already planned for next step in our relationship but I found it so hard to start thinking about future with him after dealing with his gambling. I feel very depressed and very tired of fighting about the same thing. I have a happy life for 5 days and living in hell on the weekend. I don't look forward for weekends because i will always think he will go gambling and I will start to cry. I can't see future with him and feel like I am slowly killing myself inside from this anxiety. I try to talk to him, show him how bad gambling is, suggest him to get help but all doesn't work. He said he can stop it himself but obviously he can't. All this build up in my head because I can't talk to anyone. I talk to my bf a few times about how I feel and sometimes I even ask to break up. He seems to feel very bad for me and promise he will try to stop it from then but when I forgive him things back to normal. I am very tired now but I don't want to give up yet because I love him so much and still believe he has that capacity to change.

What should I do or say to him to make him realize that he needs help?

I am sorry for the long message and thank you so much for taking your time to read. If you have any suggestion for me, please tell me.
June44
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Re: Need help: My bf gambling. I wish he knows how suffer I

Postby Mona58 » Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:55 pm

Hi June,

I am sorry that you are in this position.

I think you need to talk with your parents , tell them what has been happening.

l also suggest you ring the Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858. they dre not just for gamblers and can offer better advice on how to deal with your boy friend, and perhaps get him help.

You MUST take care of yourself... first and foremost!

All the best on your journey ... I hope you make the right decision.

Mona
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Need help: My bf gambling. I wish he knows how suffer I

Postby Springhope17 » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:57 am

I agree with Mona,

You must take care of yourself.

Call the hotline and talk to a cousellor they will be able to help you.

Until he accepts his addiction he won't be able to change.

He needs help. Imagine if you had children right now and he was doing this every week. He needs to get help for your future otherwise things will just become harder on you with his mood swings and the added pressure of family life.

Take care and make sure you look after yourself.
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Re: Need help: My bf gambling. I wish he knows how suffer I

Postby June44 » Mon Jun 11, 2018 8:09 am

Hi, thank you for your comment.

I called the gambling help yesterday and she clearify everything and make me accept the truth more. I can't help him. He won't change till he wants it himself. All I can do and should do now is help myself. They suggested me to go to see counselor to support me on my decision. I had a talk with him again yesterday and told him that I talked to the counselor. I can see he doesn't agree with that and think I make all becomes a big deal but he promise to let me help manage the money when he gets paid. If he doesn't has money in his hand, then he can't gambling that what he think.

I dont know what going to happen from now. I don't really hope he will do as he promised because it's not the first time he promised and it never happened for more than a week. The counselor open my eyes more from being so blind in love. I still can should to be happier rather than stay in a relationship that used to make me happy but abuse me these days. That's not a happy relationship I just lie to myself. I already decided I will give him one last chance. If he is still not ready to change for better future then I will make my own future.

Thank you for all your supports.
June44
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Posts: 2
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Re: Need help: My bf gambling. I wish he knows how suffer I

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jun 11, 2018 8:37 am

Hi June,

I am glad you posted to let us know how you are. You are thinking very very clearly... and wisely...

Really glad you called the helpline... and will go to see a counsellor for support. Not only that but you will come to understand yourself better and become a stronger person

AND always remember to take care of yourself first in this situation

All the best on your journey!

Mona
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Need help: My bf gambling. I wish he knows how suffer I

Postby Calvin (facilitator) » Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:14 pm

June44 wrote:Hi, thank you for your comment.

I called the gambling help yesterday and she clearify everything and make me accept the truth more. I can't help him. He won't change till he wants it himself. All I can do and should do now is help myself. They suggested me to go to see counselor to support me on my decision. I had a talk with him again yesterday and told him that I talked to the counselor. I can see he doesn't agree with that and think I make all becomes a big deal but he promise to let me help manage the money when he gets paid. If he doesn't has money in his hand, then he can't gambling that what he think.

I dont know what going to happen from now. I don't really hope he will do as he promised because it's not the first time he promised and it never happened for more than a week. The counselor open my eyes more from being so blind in love. I still can should to be happier rather than stay in a relationship that used to make me happy but abuse me these days. That's not a happy relationship I just lie to myself. I already decided I will give him one last chance. If he is still not ready to change for better future then I will make my own future.

Thank you for all your supports.



Hi June44,

I'm Calvin, one of the facilitators here on gamblers help online. Good on you for reaching out for support and well done on giving gamblers helpline a call. I can imagine this to be quite a stressful situation for yourself and your relationship with your boyfriend. As other users have stated, it is important for you to take care of your own well being too, at times when we try to help someone that doesn't see their gambling as an issue we often find ourselves burning out and losing sight of our own self.
Its great to hear that he has agreed to you looking after his money when he gets paid, that's a good strategy to begin with.
If you would like any further support you can give gamblers helpline another call.

Take care of yourself,

Calvin.
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