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When it rains it pours

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When it rains it pours

Postby sunni2185 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:02 pm

It rained last night and today was wet and cold. I felt good when I woke up this morning. My wife only had to duck out to work for an hour or so and I had planned on working on an unfinished project of mine and my wife’s in the shed. undortunatly today decided to teach me another hard truth.

As my my wife turned the ignition on in the car there was loud crunching sound and then just a whirring sound and the car wouldn’t start again. Immediatly I felt annoyed and angry at myself because I could already see the bill to repair this problem ( startermotor) and I was angry because any other time we would have money put aside as rainy day funds, but because of my gambling addiction, it is an unforeseable cost on top of all the other bills that are due.

i realise that whether I was gambling or not, the starter motor on my car could break but the difference is that if I had not of been gambling, we wouldn’t have to shuffle money around to attempt to fix it.

so Yes it made me feel angry because i could have avoided this.

now The last few days have obviously been tough at home. i Think all the stress, worry and the additional burden of looking after the finaces has taken a toll on my wife. She‘s taken on 2 jobs as a means of damage control to salvage our finances and I can’t even imagine what it would be like for her to work so much, Miss out on so much time with our son and at the end of it all, she sees no reward.

I did that, my gambling and the negative results of my gambling are the cause of why my wife misses out on spending more time with her little boy. I stress her out, I am the reason she’s tired.

i keep asking myself over and over, how could I have inflicted so much hurt on someone I love so much? How could I not see that I was also hurting our son indirectly by risking his future of a good education and a better life? I always say how I want the best for our family and then I make a choice that near on destroyed our family.

Today was tough mentally but it was a day that showed me exactly how badly my choices affected those closest to me and I won’t ever forget that.
sunni2185
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Re: When it rains it pours

Postby Oregon » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:21 am

Thanks for sharing.
Those are the memories that will help you kick gambling out forever. When you get the urge just remember how much pain it has caused already. Then when the urge passes think about the good things in your life to make you smile.

- Oregon 14 days GF
Gamble free since 22.01.18
Oregon
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Re: When it rains it pours

Postby sunni2185 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:35 am

Oregon wrote:Thanks for sharing.
Those are the memories that will help you kick gambling out forever. When you get the urge just remember how much pain it has caused already. Then when the urge passes think about the good things in your life to make you smile.

- Oregon 14 days GF


Thanks for reading my post. There will be many more as for the first time in my life it feels good to express my feelings fears and setbacks instead of bottling everything up inside.
sunni2185
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Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:32 am

Re: When it rains it pours

Postby Mona58 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:15 pm

Welcome 5a...8d,

Looking forward to reading more of your journey to a gamble free life!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: When it rains it pours

Postby sunni2185 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:43 pm

Mona58 wrote:Welcome 5a...8d,

Looking forward to reading more of your journey to a gamble free life!


This way of expressing myself and listening and reading about other peoples journey is really helping.
I have just posted my first % days worth of diary entries on the 100 challenge forum, titled "my journey"
sunni2185
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Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:32 am

Re: When it rains it pours

Postby Dave68 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 12:30 am

That's an eloquent and sadly true summation of what our gambling can do, the consequences of actions in the past that affect the future. I have a GF who is overseas, but no doubt that had i never gambled, i'd not have had to wait the over 10 years (and still waiting) to be able to get her here. LOng story with this, but all the money i had lost in the past no doubt would be handy to have now.

But it's a powerful reminder to not do it again...those memories really can help the mind to have the power to overcome the urges and temptations that the gambling demon wants to throw back onto us. Keep strong, and as time goes on, things will improve.
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