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Hard truths

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Hard truths

Postby sunni2185 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:36 am

I splent a lot of time talking with my wife. The biggest question on her mind, is why did I do it. I swore to her 4 years ago to never gamble again otherwise no matter how much she loved me, she would leave. I don’t know how to explain why I did it. I knew going on that online casino was wrong, yet I still typed the URL into my browser and pressed enter. I felt so guilty as I typed in my bankcard details to deposit money into the account. There was nothing about what I was doing in that moment that felt right to me and yet I didn’t stop. From then on, I can’t explain who I was as everytime I logged on to that online casino and deposited more and more money, all the memories of how much pain I caused the first time Played over and over in my head with absolute clarity and yet I couldn’t stop. It was like as soon as I was gambling, the rest of the world just became a blurred background. I need and want to find an answer to my wife’s question as to why I did it.

Today we also sat down and did our budget. We went through bank statements, added up all the bills and incorporated the new loans I had taken out to see how much was was left over so we could estimate is long and hard the financial recovery would be.

When my wife found out I was gambling again a couple of days ago she asked me how long it had been goin on. I told her it was about 3 months, even though I wasn’t certain. The sad part for me tonight as she was going through bank statements was that in actually fact, I had only been gambling for 4 weeks and caused the huge financial loss in the last 4 days before my wife finding out.

i am so angry and disappointed in myself to think that I could do so much damage and knowingly risk losing my family and also ruining their future.

it sucks to have to see the hard truths of what I had actually done, but in another way I am relieved and ready to do this the hard way.
sunni2185
Junior Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:32 am

Re: Hard truths

Postby sunni2185 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:37 am

User 5a734d5674a8d wrote:I splent a lot of time talking with my wife. The biggest question on her mind, is why did I do it. I swore to her 4 years ago to never gamble again otherwise no matter how much she loved me, she would leave. I don’t know how to explain why I did it. I knew going on that online casino was wrong, yet I still typed the URL into my browser and pressed enter. I felt so guilty as I typed in my bankcard details to deposit money into the account. There was nothing about what I was doing in that moment that felt right to me and yet I didn’t stop. From then on, I can’t explain who I was as everytime I logged on to that online casino and deposited more and more money, all the memories of how much pain I caused the first time Played over and over in my head with absolute clarity and yet I couldn’t stop. It was like as soon as I was gambling, the rest of the world just became a blurred background. I need and want to find an answer to my wife’s question as to why I did it.

Today we also sat down and did our budget. We went through bank statements, added up all the bills and incorporated the new loans I had taken out to see how much was was left over so we could estimate is long and hard the financial recovery would be.

When my wife found out I was gambling again a couple of days ago she asked me how long it had been goin on. I told her it was about 3 months, even though I wasn’t certain. The sad part for me tonight as she was going through bank statements was that in actually fact, I had only been gambling for 4 weeks and caused the huge financial loss in the last 4 days before my wife finding out.

i am so angry and disappointed in myself to think that I could do so much damage and knowingly risk losing my family and also ruining their future.

it sucks to have to see the hard truths of what I had actually done, but in another way I am relieved and ready to do this the hard way.
sunni2185
Junior Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:32 am

Re: Hard truths

Postby Oregon » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:18 am

Well done in taking the hardest step and telling your wife. I went through the same thing not long ago and you have to tell the whole truth. It seems like she is supportive of you which is amazing.

All the best in your recovery. I don't have any experience in online gambling so I can't help you with any strategies there I am sorry.
Gamble free since 22.01.18
Oregon
Member
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:08 pm

Re: Hard truths

Postby sunni2185 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:27 am

Thank you for reading my post, in these early stages I am taking the time each night to reflect on the day that has passed and I read other peoples forum posts. It helps immensely to know that I am not alone in this and words of support, advice and clarity are amazing. Thank you
sunni2185
Junior Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:32 am

Re: Hard truths

Postby Oregon » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:29 am

User 5a734d5674a8d wrote:Thank you for reading my post, in these early stages I am taking the time each night to reflect on the day that has passed and I read other peoples forum posts. It helps immensely to know that I am not alone in this and words of support, advice and clarity are amazing. Thank you


After a few months on this forum I went to a GA meeting last Friday - I suggest you do the same - everyone can share in a really great environment. Give it a try. It's amazing how much more you get out of face to face.
Gamble free since 22.01.18
Oregon
Member
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:08 pm

Re: Hard truths

Postby sunni2185 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:35 am

I enquired about it but I live in a regional area so there are no meetings available unfortunately
sunni2185
Junior Member
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:32 am


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