" "

Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

What are some strategies when trying to quit or cut down? What works for you?

Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Tue Mar 19, 2013 4:23 pm

This is my first visit and post to this site, and I've just spent a couple hours reading other posts. This is a great site, and I see there are plenty of others out there like me.

Thought I'd share my story, and what I'm doing. I thought if I 'talked' about it, it would make it a bit more real, and if I put down what I've done and am going to do, it might actually make me do it.


I've always been lucky enough to earn a lot of money, and been very successful with business over a lot of years, yet currently own a whole lot less assets than much younger siblings that survive on single incomes less than 25% of my salary (basically most of my assets like house and car are effectively owned by the bank, and I have credit card debts that could have bought me 3 new cars.). This is unfortunately a direct result of my gambling.

Maybe that's part of my problem - always earned money, but never learnt how to properly manage it. Seems to burn holes in my pockets.

Gladly it hasn't affected my work or marriage, and I haven't lost my house. But now is the time to change.


I've this week also just reached out to my wife, and separately my closest friend (apart from my wife) about it, and have already received great support and understanding from them. I've also made some commitments to them, and I don't want to let them down.

I've already learnt a number of things from this site, and will try new things suggested by others, and trying to identify my triggers for gambling.

I see this site will play a role in my quest to change, and I plan for future posts to be more of my success stories to help others.

Peter
Junior Member
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:44 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby POPEYE » Tue Mar 19, 2013 9:36 pm

.
Last edited by POPEYE on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
POPEYE
Senior Member
 
Posts: 664
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:28 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:19 am

Thanks Popeye,

I'm sharing my story and talking about it to see if it will help me resolve it. And if at the same time anything I share helps someone else, then all the better.

But it's hard, and I can understand why the majority of people don't share or post.

Thanks for the suggestions. I've seen a few of your posts, you might not share your story, but you give good feedback and suggestions to help others. You're right - it helps to know you're not alone. Also great to hear independent feedback on the positive (email) support given here. I might give it a go.

My biggest issue (well I think - as I'm working through it), is that if I see any available balance in any of my accounts or cards, I have the attitude that it's able to be spent, and where do I spend all my money? Gambling...

Hence ridiculously high Credit Card balances. Once I make the monthly payments, by the end of the pay cycle, it's generally all gone again.

I think I need to move the finances to a place where I can't touch it (as you suggested), other than a weekly fixed amount, and give myself a few presents along the way, whether that's a holiday a new gadget or something.

Yes - I'm very thankful for a very supportive wife. We are working with the attitude that "we are where we are, now let's just look at how we can change it".

It's amazing isn't it? Most people on the outside see me as a very successful businessman who's got all his **** together, most likely loaded. And mostly I think I do (well apart from not being loaded and gambling), but it shows that you never know what's going on behind closed doors.

After reading a few posts, I'm certainly not in as bad a place as a few people that have posted here, but I plan (trying to use positive words rather than 'hope') to eventually make the problem go away, rather than let it spiral further out of control.

Good luck with your journey Popeye and thanks for the feedback and support...
Peter
Junior Member
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:44 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Bull » Wed Mar 20, 2013 9:42 am

Hi Peter.

Wow, must have taken a lot of strength to bring this up to your partner and closest friend. I did the same (to my family) not to long ago and was surprised with the support I received. I thought I'd be alienated, ostracised, and fed to the dogs because of my behaviour. But the more and more I look back on it the more I realise that was more an irrational fear than a truth (my counsellor would love that sentence!)

I think the support you are getting is fantastic and stories like this, personally, encourage me to push through my own struggles.

All the best with kicking the habbit once and for all.
User avatar
Bull
Member
 
Posts: 53
Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:53 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Wed Mar 20, 2013 10:37 am

Thanks Bull,

It's good you also got 'surprisingly' positive support. I wonder if this is more normal than otherwise once people get past that initial fear.

I think the fact I was open and honest, said this is where I am at, I'm trying to kick it, and I just need some support (even if just an ear) helped. They're helping me to not be too hard on myself, and I'm careful not to 'load my problems' onto them. I'm happy for them to be empathetic, and offer suggestions and advice, but not be sympathetic or have pity on me (if that makes sense).

Just writing here and getting positive replies from others in a similar situation is somewhat liberating.

Thanks again, and good luck.
Peter
Junior Member
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:44 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby POPEYE » Wed Mar 20, 2013 1:28 pm

.
Last edited by POPEYE on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
POPEYE
Senior Member
 
Posts: 664
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:28 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Wed Mar 20, 2013 4:41 pm

Hi Popeye,

Thanks - some good suggestions.

Looking at a couple of different consolidation options that get rid of my credit cards. If not, the reducing of credit limit at the point of each monthly payment could be a good option. If it's not available, I can't spend it.

I think at this point I certainly need an out of sight out of mind option with any 'available' balance I have.

Pete
Peter
Junior Member
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:44 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby ansert » Thu Mar 21, 2013 10:14 pm

Hi there

This is my first post but something about your original post ''spoke'' to me - I had been in business for many years and unfortunately that meant having access to a lot of cash, until a few years ago I would never spend more than 20 dollars, and once that was gone would walk away. Then my last business started to be so stressful as I could see I was steadily getting further in debt. Instead of making me save more, it had the opposite affect and I starting spending more and more on the pokies, and in the beginning would win large amounts of money. One day I just put the whole lot back in and that has now become my habit, win sometimes but always put it back in and not be satisfied until it's all gone.

I think it was a combination of the stress of the business, the guilt that I was going to lose my inheritance and eventually our house that caused me to lose control. It seems the worse things are the more I gamble, and for a smart person that seems insane! We have always earned good money but now we have nothing except credit card debt, partly because of the business but in this past couple of years, mostly because of the gambling.

My husband leaves all the finances up to me and I wish that wasn't the case because I don't want access to money! I can't tell him, he knows I have gambled high amounts in the past but he thinks that now we are essentially broke I don't do it and I can't bring myself to tell him.

So it's time to get my **** together, stop this habit and realise the destruction it is causing to my family. I have never ever spoken to anyone about it, it's my guilty secret and that makes it worse. I spend all my time juggling money and there have been times we don't have a dollar until we are paid, and considering we bring in about 12k a month, it's just insane insane insane!!

I am hoping that by making myself accountable, even anonymously, will get this ''out in the open'' even if it's just being accountable to the members here.

We both have good jobs, I want to get us back on track before it's too late and ease the stress I am causing everyone, including myself.

I want to check in and talk about how I am feeling in the hope it will keep me communicating, instead of gambling! If I can get on top of it I want to set up an account where I can put the majority of our money each month and not access it, then make payments to the Credit Cards straight from there, not sure how I can do that but perhaps put the card somewhere I can't get it and just transfer over the net, will have to think about that one!

I know how happy it will make my husband if there is always money in the account, like it used to be - feeling excited about that! Up till now I have considered I should be smart enough to just stop, but that isn't working so I need strategies.

Thanks for reading
User avatar
ansert
Member
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Thu Mar 21, 2013 9:53 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby POPEYE » Thu Mar 21, 2013 10:57 pm

.
Last edited by POPEYE on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
POPEYE
Senior Member
 
Posts: 664
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 11:28 pm

RE: Time to change. High earner, negative assets.

Postby Peter » Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:21 am

Hi Ansert,

You've definitely made a first great step, and you are definitely not alone. There are a lot of people out there in similar situations as ours, and you do get some great support and feedback on this site.

I'm still less than a week into making a decision to quit. I'm trying to liken it to when I was a heavy smoker - I 'tried' to give up a lot of times, and failed, and it wasn't until I made the decision that I REALLY wanted to give up that I was successful. I hope it's the same for me with gambling. I'm pretty sure in my head I've decided I really want to give up.

I'm trying to break it down to make it not too overwhelming, because when I think too much about it, it does my head in. So I've documented some actions on my first steps, which are:

1. Get Support - In my case its support of my wife, friend, this site, and likely use a counsellor


2. Find alternates to keep me occupied and not tempted. I liked Popeye's suggestion on a massage (takes time, costs less than gambling and I always feel better after one). I've asked my wife to join me in trying new activities - not sure what they are yet, but looking to anything that is:
a. fun
b. time consuming
c. Social (doesn't always need to be social, could just be me, or me and my wife, but social for me with friends is good)
d. Nowhere near a gambling venue

3. I especially agree with Popeye's statement about access to cash. Although this may not be 100% practical in my case. My wife loves convenience, so I'm going to try something different that was suggested to me (as a compromise).
a. Open a bank account at a different bank to where my accounts and cards currently are, and get a debit card only. (I'm using NAB as there are no fees regardless of how many transactions, and they've just introduced a 'money tracker' where you can set up a budget and it tracks your transactions/spending against the budget automatically - assuming you use your debit card for all transactions and don't just make cash withdrawals). This will be the transactional account for me and my wife who has 100% access, so I can't spend all the money.
b. Set up an automatic transfer from your account the pay goes into, to the new account (in my case the NAB account) of only how much you need for normal living expenses (this includes bills) - if you run out of money in a week, you need to wait for the next automatic transfer. I've got to think of it as my weekly pay, and that's all I now earn.
c. Set up automatic payments to pay your Mortgage, Credit Cards etc.. from your pay account
d. Don't allow yourself access to the pay account again, or make it require two signatures for withdrawal
e. Freeze your credit cards, so you can't use them
f. Because it's out of site, out of mind, the pay account balance should keep increasing

I have no idea if the above will work, but going to give it a go.

Good luck with your journey. Look forward to hear your future successes.

Peter
Peter
Junior Member
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:44 pm

Next

Return to Strategies for Change

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest